Don't fear transformation in your marriage.

A caterpillar has its own charm, but God’s desire is for that caterpillar to experience a transformation and become a butterfly.

I doubt that the caterpillar knows to expect a transformation, but it does know to do the task it faces: spin the cocoon that allows the transformation to occur.

It emerges, with a brand new beauty and wings to fly.

I’ve been thinking about butterflies this week. Butterflies and death.

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 How can you find peace when you’ve made so many changes and your husband has barely budged?

When we work on the sexual intimacy in our marriages, it should be because we believe it is the right thing to do—not for the express purpose of getting our husbands to change. (Disclaimer: I say this as a woman whose initial attention to our sexual intimacy was to get my husband to change.)

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It can be far easier to see our husbands’ faults than it is to see our own. You may have a mental list of things you would love for your husband to change. I certainly did! Read More →

No matter what your first step is or how it goes, remember that God is always with you.

So far in this Making Sexual Changes series, I’ve talked about understanding how we got to the beginning of this journey of change and the process of beginning the journey. Today I’d like to wrap it up by talking about what you can actually do in those first steps.

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You’ve prayed, you’ve found your courage, and you’re ready to take your first sexual step—but what should it be? Read More →

This is the second of a three-part series about how to begin to make changes in sexual intimacy in your marriage.

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What matters is that you get into the water, not how you get there.

Some of us made the decision to change in an instant. A realization or conviction can be a lightning strike paradigm shift. Others of us had the decision creep up on us like thunder that rumbles far away long before you realize a storm is on its way. Not everyone embraces what the storm brings, either. While some of us stand with our hearts ready to accept the waves of change that will wash over us, others try to fight off those waves with an umbrella. Read More →

Knowing your story may be the first step in changing it.

I hear from many women about how they came to decide to work on sexual intimacy in their marriages. Not a single one has ever said that she woke up one morning and just decided to do it out of the blue. Nor has anyone told me that it was easy.

If you are a wife who has made the decision to change, you may be asking yourself, Now what? This post is for you. Actually, so are the next two posts. I had so much to say that I decided it would be easier for you to read one bit at a time.

Today I would like to encourage you to think about what brought you to your decision to change.  Read More →

Join me in reading through Sheila Gregoire's 9 Thoughts That Can Change Your Marriage!

To change my marriage from the way it once was, I have spent a great deal of time working on my thoughts and feelings. The key to learning not to let my feelings make decisions for me was to learn to rely on my thoughts.

Unfortunately, my thoughts weren’t much help at first. I thought my husband and I were in competition with each other. I thought his job as my husband was to make me happy. I thought that if we really loved each other, everything else would just hold together without any effort. Read More →

Growth that we cannot see is just as important as the growth that we can see.

We often think of growth as something with steady and visible movement.

Whether that growth is physical, mental, or spiritual, we expect it to look like something is actually growing.

Growth doesn’t necessarily work like that, though. Read More →

I resisted change for so many years. Once I stopped fighting, my life got so much better.

He wanted me to change everything. I easily became anxious. I put things off. I was a know-it-all (even when it came to what he was thinking). I was controlling. He frequently complained about these things—yet the biggest complaint of all was about the lack of sexual intimacy in our marriage.

It never made sense. My husband was the one who was unhappy with our sex life, yet he expected me to be the one to change.
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Do you allow the fruit from seasons past to cloud your appreciation of the growth in your marriage?

My family moved a couple months ago. Although I am sad to be losing the lilacs up at the top of my page (unless my propagation attempt is successful), I have enjoyed watching the crabapple tree in our new back yard.

When we moved in, we had snow on the ground. The tree had no leaves on it, and not even any buds yet. The only thing on the tree was last year’s fruit, which looked old, dead, dried up, and just plain ugly. Last year’s crabapples served as evidence that the tree was alive last year, but when I looked at the tree, all I could see was the dead fruit. (I know that crabapples aren’t the loveliest of fruit, but bear with me here.)

It reminded me of how I saw my marriage five years ago: my marriage had functioned in the past, but when I looked at it, all I could see was the old, dead, dried up, ugliness of what our relationship had become. All I could see was evidence that our marriage once had been alive. Read More →

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