Don't fear transformation in your marriage.

A caterpillar has its own charm, but God’s desire is for that caterpillar to experience a transformation and become a butterfly.

I doubt that the caterpillar knows to expect a transformation, but it does know to do the task it faces: spin the cocoon that allows the transformation to occur.

It emerges, with a brand new beauty and wings to fly.

I’ve been thinking about butterflies this week. Butterflies and death.

Read More →

Healing is a journey and a process.

For me, healing has been a journey—and not always an easy one.

My experience with the healing of sexual intimacy in my marriage has been that healing happens piece by piece, layer by layer.

I suspect this is true for many of us. We heal one layer—and that healed layer grows stronger and more solid. It prepares us for healing the next layer that is revealed. Read More →

Has grief been part of the process of healing your marriage?

My decision to work on the sexual intimacy in my marriage was made at the moment I realized how deeply I’d been hurting my husband throughout years of sexual rejection, duty sex, disrespect, and making him a low priority in my life.

It is probably the least self-centered decision I’ve made in my life. At the time, I had only a vague idea of how to proceed. “Have more sex” was about all I could come up with at the time. Since we had an essentially sexless marriage, even once-a-month sex on a consistent basis would be an improvement—and just the thought of that overwhelmed me. Read More →