Escape to the mountains. Genesis 19:17

Finding encouragement for marriage growth in the bible isn’t exactly unexpected. However, I was somewhat surprised to find such encouragement as I was reading about the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah. Read More →

The benefits--and limits--of duty sex

A wife who’s resisted sex for a long time can face a tough journey when she begins to work on sexual intimacy.

The goal should be a thriving sexual relationship with her husband. Sometimes, though, it’s easier for a sexually reluctant wife to think of sex as little more than duty sex in which she allows her husband to have an orgasm with her body. Men report that this leaves them feeling emotionally empty and deprived—and honestly, it doesn’t do so much for us emotionally, either. (I’ve written about the downsides of duty sex here, here, here, and here.)

Getting comfortable with duty sex should not be the end goal for a wife who decides to work on sex.

However, duty sex isn’t always a bad thing. Sometimes it is a helpful early step in a wife’s journey toward joyful sexual intimacy. Read More →

Have experiences with sexual harassment affected your marriage bed?

 

Women have been sharing their stories of sexual harassment in articles that are making the rounds on social media lately. (If you’re a man reading this, start here.)

Like many of you, these articles have gotten me thinking about my own experiences.

Read More →

 How can you find peace when you’ve made so many changes and your husband has barely budged?

When we work on the sexual intimacy in our marriages, it should be because we believe it is the right thing to do—not for the express purpose of getting our husbands to change. (Disclaimer: I say this as a woman whose initial attention to our sexual intimacy was to get my husband to change.)

flourish2

It can be far easier to see our husbands’ faults than it is to see our own. You may have a mental list of things you would love for your husband to change. I certainly did! Read More →

You still have time to grow in your marriage.

A little over a month ago, I planted a couple tomato plants. Our tomato cages got lost in our move last year, so I put the tomato plants in the ground and figured I would go get new cages in a couple days. (A tomato cage is metal cage that goes around the tomato plant. It provides support for the tomato as it grows and bears fruit.) And then . . . I didn’t get the cages. I would be out watering my garden and think, Oh, those plants are getting kind of big. I should go get cages. Then I would go inside and the tomato cages would slip my mind. Every time I watered the garden, I would remember that I needed to get tomato cages—but there was no rush, right? Read More →

When I began to work on the sexual intimacy in our marriage, I knew I would need to dismantle my emotional wall.

Note: In this post, I will be discussing emotional safety and healing.. If you are being emotionally abused, or if you fear for your physical safety because of physical abuse or the threat of it, please seek help and support as soon as possible. What I am writing about here does not apply to you. 

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This is the third of a series of posts about emotional safety. You can find the first two posts here and here.

My resistance to sexual intimacy in my marriage grew out of my feelings about not being emotionally safe.

When I began to work on the sexual intimacy in our marriage, then, I knew I was going to have to learn to reconnect with my husband. I would need to dismantle my emotional wall—and that meant that I was going to have to be emotionally vulnerable again, even though I didn’t yet feel emotionally safe. Read More →

Do you have to guess what your husband needs?

I don’t take responsibility for meeting all of Big Guy’s needs, because some things are for him to seek from God, not from me or from our marriage. Some of his needs might indicate areas where he needs to grow, and others are things I’m just not capable of at the moment.

Nonetheless, understanding my husband’s needs has been an important part of my own growth in marriage. It shows me where my efforts might be most appreciated or have the biggest impact.

I do try to meet many of his needs, but figuring out what those are hasn’t always been easy. Read More →

Join me in reading through Sheila Gregoire's 9 Thoughts That Can Change Your Marriage!

To change my marriage from the way it once was, I have spent a great deal of time working on my thoughts and feelings. The key to learning not to let my feelings make decisions for me was to learn to rely on my thoughts.

Unfortunately, my thoughts weren’t much help at first. I thought my husband and I were in competition with each other. I thought his job as my husband was to make me happy. I thought that if we really loved each other, everything else would just hold together without any effort. Read More →

Growth that we cannot see is just as important as the growth that we can see.

We often think of growth as something with steady and visible movement.

Whether that growth is physical, mental, or spiritual, we expect it to look like something is actually growing.

Growth doesn’t necessarily work like that, though. Read More →

Is improving the sexual intimacy in your marriage one of your goals for 2016?

Is improving the sexual intimacy in your marriage one of your goals for 2016?

I’ve pulled together links to some of my posts to encourage you in making some good changes. Read More →

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