A plus-size woman can enjoy sexual intimacy.

Being a plus-size woman brings challenges in many areas of life—including the area of sexual intimacy.

I know first-hand how painful this subject can be.  I was a thin and active child, but when I was a young adult I began to put on weight. I am now quite overweight. Fortunately, Big Guy adores my curves and always has.  Yes, I want to be healthier. I would like to be thinner. For the most part, though, I’ve come to terms with my weight. This is who I am and how I look. This is the body I have right now, and it’s the one with which I live my life.

Still, writing this post is a struggle.  I’ve never had any problem sharing about the sexual intimacy in my marriage here. This feels different. Harder. More vulnerable. Nakeder. (I totally made that word up. It works.) I was not prepared how difficult this post would be to write.

I’m not going to lecture anyone about health here. We all know we need to be healthier.

I’d like to be honest about the unique sexual challenges we plus-size women face. In this post I’m going to talk specifically about body image and our feelings about our weight. I have a follow-up post that will address some physical realities of plus-size intimacy.

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Neglecting sexual intimacy means that you are giving up on some of the best gifts God has for you in your marriage.

Hillsong’s Hosanna includes the lyrics “break my heart for what breaks yours.” I think of those words every time I receive a message from yet another hurting spouse. Surely God’s heart breaks for hurting marriages.

Right after listening to that song today, I received an email. Sadly, it wasn’t much different from many other emails I’ve received: yet another husband is giving up the pursuit of intimacy in his marriage and thinking that death would be better than the misery in his life.

My friends, I wish I could tell you how much this hurts my heart. Read More →

thank_you

I would like to thank you for your kind messages and your prayers during Big Guy’s recent hospitalization.

The doctors did something called cardioconversion–it’s the thing where they shock the heart to reboot it. Big Guy was disappointed that he didn’t get to hear anyone yell “Clear!” Read More →

I had plans for today. I was going to apply for a couple jobs that were posted yesterday, work on a writing project, mow the lawn, and try to tackle a counter full of dirty dishes. My whole day was laid out in front of me with a handy-dandy to-do list.

The only thing I had accomplished was glaring at the dirty dishes when the phone rang. It was Big Guy.
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When my twins were pre-teens, they came home from a school field trip one day, completely exhausted. They lay down on the couch, heads at opposite ends, and fell asleep. I watched in fascination over the course of the next couple hours. One of them would roll over or move a limb in some way—and the other one, still sound asleep, would adjust in response. My boy-girl twins, about as different as twins can be, held within their bodies a memory of how to adjust to the other one. Their shared months in utero laid down a pattern of how to be together and adapt. Their movements echoed the life and space they had shared so intimately all those years ago. They were two individuals, operating in concert with each other. Read More →