Has your heart been transformed when it comes to sexual intimacy?

And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. Ezekiel 36:26

I’m an advocate for the “fake it until you make it” approach to improving sexual intimacy. I acted my way into a feeling that I enjoyed sex.

However, I think there is only one reason this approach worked for me:

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Dealing with your feelings can help your heart heal.

Note: See Lessons from a Wife’s Heart and Conquer Your Complacency for an introduction to this post.

I’ve always said I live my life on an emotional landscape.

In other words, I have lots and lots of feelings in response to, well, just about anything.

Sometimes, these feelings are ones that hurt. During the years of my marriage when I carried a hurting heart, I believed that my husband was responsible for most of those hurt feelings. They dominated our marriage for many years. Read More →

If a wife is refusing because of her heart, then, what is a husband to do? How can he help her heart heal? Read more at https://curmudgeonlylibrarian.wordpress.com/2015/07/08/a-wifes-heart/

And now for something completely different . . . or not.

I write for women, not for men—most of the time.

While most of my readers are women, I know that men sometimes read here in order to better understand their wives. Although they may benefit from what I have to say, I am careful to think about my writing in terms of how it ministers to women.

I figure that ministry directly to hurting husbands best comes from other men. (You can find some blogs by men listed on my For Husbands page.) Read More →

Your husband's healing is not your job.

If sex has been a source of tension in your marriage, it’s likely to take a while to restore your sexual relationship to a place of health.

Not only are you in the process of learning and changing, your husband is, too. Read More →

What if your marriage hasn't improved, even after you've worked so hard on yourself?

Changing your approach to sexual intimacy can be hard work. Really hard work. The kind that leaves you feeling completely wrung out and worn down.

Many of us find that our marriages are transformed in amazing ways. We can feel like we are enjoying hard-earned rewards with husbands who are thankful for what we’ve done.

But what if your marriage doesn’t seem any better? What if your husband doesn’t seem thankful? What if he doesn’t even seem to notice that you’re doing anything differently? What if he seems even worse now that he doesn’t have to be nice to get sex? What if he is refusing you now? Read More →

What melts your heart for your husband?

For many years in our marriage, my husband and I seemed to be at odds rather than on the same team. I didn’t always feel like I loved him, and there were times when I allowed myself to feel irritated by just about everything he did.

I would go for long stretches convinced that our marriage had been a mistake, wondering what I had ever seen in him with little recollection of why I’d ever wanted to get married in the first place. Read More →

In the Raw

When I write about the difficult years of my marriage, I am mostly reflecting—looking back at how I recall the past, seeing through the lenses of the work I’ve done and the marriage I am in now.

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trust

When a wife stops sexual gate-keeping and refusing, she takes a big step on a journey toward a healed marriage. She may have her own healing to do as she works through feelings of hurt, unlearns bad habits, and learns how to walk in God’s truth for marriage.

A wife isn’t the only person in her marriage. As she works on her marriage, she will do better when she thinks about what her husband is experiencing, too. Read More →

Are you losing your focus?

A reader recently made a comment (on this post) that has stuck with me. Her husband had left her, and she wrote, “Please pray for his heart to soften and turn toward home.”

Turn your heart toward home. Read More →

I continue to learn how much growth I still have ahead of me.

Last week, I wrote the sage advice to “Be married to the husband you have, not to the husband you wish you had.” It really is good advice, isn’t it? The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, after all. It is easy to focus on what we don’t have rather than on what we do. I really should take my own advice to heart. Read More →

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