How can you respond if your husband reacts negatively when you say no to sex?

Big Guy would approach me for sex. My response was usually some variation of no—rolling my eyes, listing all the things I need to get done first, or just saying the word “no.”

Quite often, after my negative response I would start to think about the possibility of sex. I wonder why I don’t think about sex like he does? I like sex well enough once we’re doing it. Hmm. I suppose that if I could just wrap up this stuff I’m working on, I might be able to do it. I just need some transition time. If he would come ask me again right this minute, I might be able to manage a yes. Where is he, anyway? For a guy who seems to want sex so much, shouldn’t he be here with me, spending time with me and helping me?
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Sink into the deliciousness of sex by redefining what it means to be "in the mood."

“Do you feel like having sex?” he would ask me.

Most times, I would seriously think about it: Do I feel aroused in any way? Is there something else I need or want to be doing instead? Do I feel connected to Big Guy right now? Do I at least not feel disconnected from him? Do I feel like having sex? Read More →

no

Once I got the hang of not refusing, I was on a roll. No more “no” for me!

In some ways, it was easy—and got easier with time.  Many of the reasons I used to have for refusing had evaporated. As I met my husband’s emotional needs through sexual attention, it became easier for him to give me the emotional attention that I needed—and that made it easier for me to be sexual with him.

“No” was out of my vocabulary, and as our relationship healed, I didn’t miss it at all.

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