Are you looking to make some changes in your sexual relationship with your husband? Maybe you’ve come to a realization that you’ve been hurting him and you’d like to do better. Or, maybe you’re like I was–you’re just tired of the fighting and sadness about sex and want to be a bit more content yourself.
Right now, don’t worry about the “why.” There will be plenty of time to sort through that later. For now, just figure out one step.
Make a list of five things that your husband has been asking for. Maybe they include looking at him in the eyes once during sex. Agreeing to sex without rolling your eyes. Having sex within 24 hours of him making his move. Letting him watch you get out of the shower. Touching or kissing his genitals. Opening your mouth during a kiss. Wearing lingerie, just for him. Maybe some of them are things you used to do before kids and bills got in the way; some of them may be things the two of you have never done.
Just make a list. Just five things.
Now pick one.
For me, the thing my husband complained about the most wasn’t the lack of sex but the lack of my participation in it. So that was the thing I picked as step 1.
Pick step 1. Take 24 hours to pray about it. Pray about what it will take from you to do this thing (perhaps courage or remembering to take a deep breath before responding to him or not rolling your eyes). If you want to let your husband know what you’re doing, ask him to pray today, too. Or maybe you’re afraid to tell him, for fear that he’ll respond with frustration (“That’s all you’re doing?) or that you won’t be good at it. I didn’t talk with my husband about my efforts for a full year. I was too chicken. If you aren’t ready for your husband to know what’s going on, post a comment here and I’ll pray for you today.
Then tomorrow, do it. Take step 1.