Do Your Baby Daddy


On Sunday, June 15, we celebrate Father’s Day in the US.

When my children were little, I made sure to get my husband a card (or have the kids make one). I would get my husband something I thought he might like—barbecue utensils, Best Dad ball caps or t-shirts, or whatever the stores convinced me would be the perfect gift. He would always get cards from the kids and one from me to thank him for being my baby daddy.

One year, I mentioned to one of my co-workers that I was going to get a Father’s Day card on my way home. This co-worker, a father and grandfather who had become a mentor to me, looked me straight in the eyes. “You know, Chris, there is only one thing a man really wants for Father’s Day, and it isn’t a card.” Really? He was about to impart some wisdom and let me know the perfect, must-have gift. I was ready to mentally take notes. I asked him what men wanted.

“Sex. All men want for Father’s Day is sex. Even if they always want sex, sex on Father’s Day means something different. When you have kids, it’s easy to put them first a lot—and sex on Father’s Day reminds a man that he’s more important to you than the kids are. It shows him that he’s still a virile, desirable man to you. It says that his being a father doesn’t mean he isn’t still your lover. Trust me. That’s all he wants.”

Huh. Who knew?

If you and your husband are parents, you will likely look for some way to honor the occasion.

No matter what else you do to celebrate, plan on doing something sexual for your husband for Father’s Day.

To make it a true gift, go at least one step further than you usually do:

  • You be the one to initiate. (In fact, surprise him with an early morning wake-up.)
  • Wear sexy lingerie.
  • Start with a strip tease.
  • Give him some oral sex as part of your foreplay or even as the main event.
  • Suggest a different position.
  • Touch yourself sexually.
  • Tell your husband you want him using words that you know he will enjoy.
  • Turn the lights on (or do it during broad daylight with sunshine streaming through the window).
  • Have a quickie when the kids are actually in the house and awake.
  • Tease your husband throughout the day. Use subtle sexual innuendos. Eat your food suggestively when your husband is watching you. Flash him and wiggle your backside when no one else can see.
  • Invite him to watch you while you take something out of the oven or load the dishwasher.
  • Take a shower together.
  • After the kids go to bed, wear something very low cut or tight.
  • If your husband has asked for something new in bed, let this be the day you do it.

Give your husband what he wants. Give more than you usually do. Make it a true gift from your heart.

For Father’s Day, give the very best gift. Do your baby daddy.

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles /

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25 Comments on “Do Your Baby Daddy”

  1. I have the perfect theme in mind. Yes, I will bless him first thing. There’s really no need to buy something any year. 🙂

  2. FINALLY, someone that understands WHY it’s important for us. We want to feel more important than the kids some times too. Heck I’d like to feel more important than the: mail, latest good book, TV show that is currently being re-ran for the 100th time, game on the iPad, and anything else for that matter. I’d like to at least be on the top of the list ONE day out of the year. However I think I have officially given up on that ever happening. I so wish my wife would stumble upon this website……and take some of this info to heart. At this point I don’t even care about sex anymore I just would like to feel like I’m a priority at all…………….

    1. Of all the changes my husband has experienced in our marriage, becoming my priority has probably had the biggest impact on him. Perhaps your wife will land here some day. I will pray for a softened heart for her.

  3. Well, since in 23 years we’ve never had sex on our anniversary, my birthday, her birthday, valentines day (once), christmas, new years, buying a new house, buying a new bed, or any other holiday or vacation (I asked once – “But I’m on vacation!”), I doubt anything will happen on such a minor day such as father’s day. But I’ll probably get a nice shirt! Yippee.

    1. Well, I did get the nice shirt! And it is nice.

      I forgot to mention that I knew I would also get the typical “fathers are the reason why families are messed up” sermon at church. Which we did, in spades.

      Why is it mothers get praised on mothers day, but on fathers day, we get, at best, a warning? More often its getting cut off at the knees, and get blamed for everything wrong in the world. At best, its a sermon about God the Perfect Father (ie, since we are all imperfect here, no one should depend on us).

  4. All of your suggestions on how to make sexual time spent together special are GREAT! And yes, it is what every dad really wants for Father’s Day. 🙂

    I feel compelled to mention though, that ever since I read this post many days ago, I’ve actually felt upset by it… because the phrase “DO your baby daddy” feels so crude. I think It’s exactly the kind of talk or expression that contributes largely to many women’s struggle to believe that their husband wants anything other than sex from them. I don’t ever want to “do” my man. In my mind, that’s something a prostitute does. I want to make love to him — and often! I want to be intimate with the love of my life — emotionally, spiritually, and physically.

    1. I am sorry that the phrasing upset you. It grew out of a complaint I’ve heard from many husbands about their wives’ long to-do lists that they wish they could be on–because they feel like they are never on that list at all.

      One of the things that has struck me on my journey of growth has been how many different “flavors” there can be in the marriage bed. Sometimes we explore full-blown emotional, spiritual, and physical intimacy. Sometimes we try new things. Sometimes we rely on a routine approach because it works and provides a base of comfort. Sometimes it is very mutual. And sometimes it is fairly one-sided, with the focus being on “doing” the other person–with one person being the recipient of all the pleasure while the other does all the giving and blessing. Sometimes I am the recipient, and sometimes my husband is.

      At these times, it really is an emphasis on the sex. However, because this is only sometimes, and because it happens on a foundation of full intimacy, it is still more than just an orgasm. If all we ever do is “do” our husbands, then yeah, I agree that it doesn’t feel like we’re any more special than any other woman would be. However, when most of what we do is make love in a mutual and intimate way, then “doing” our husbands on occasion and letting them simply lie back and enjoy themselves while we sexually minister to them is still a way of making love in a way that no other woman can match. Sometimes, I really do want to do my man.

      1. Just wanted to clarify that I agree wholeheartedly with the content of your post — what a sweet gesture to put so much effort into selflessly blessing a husband!

        What feels upsetting is the choice of words. I speak only for my own husband as he sits here beside me as I type — that he doesn’t ever want to be an item on my to-do list. He said to tell you he wants to be “loved on”, not done. (He too found the word “do” to be crude… it reminded him of something that a teenage boy would ask his friend after a Friday night of hooking up with a drunk girl he just met, “So, did she do you?”)

        To clarify, the reason I even brought this up is because so many wives struggle to believe that their husband loves them for all of who they are, not just their body, AND that sex is more than just a physical act for him. Everything in our culture sends that message, including verbal expressions like the one you used.

        My heart breaks for wives who don’t know sex as an intimate exchange, but only as something she has to “do”.

  5. Oh, my! You should see my husband’s face light up when I whip out the “Tonight, it’s all about you!” card. Yes, I really do have a card printed out with those words on it, that I use repeatedly. He gets a smile on his face that could light up the Northern Hemisphere. That card means the pleasure will be all his (kind of). It’s not the time to concentrate on me. That card gives him permission to sit back as I “do” him. It’s my pleasure. I believe this post was meant to be taken playfully, like the way we “do” our husbands.

  6. John, Glad to see I’m not the only one that got a nice shirt! At least the kids told me happy father’s day. Not her tho. She started a fight Saturday afternoon (pretty typical around my house) about something that isn’t worth fighting about. As Usual. I’m pretty certain she does this so there is no chance of having to be near me in an intimate setting. EVER. not that we would ever be alone to have that chance since she sleeps in our bed with the kids, and I sleep anywhere else. Then today I get an instant message from her that says Good Morning! Like nothing is wrong. I’m pretty sure she is bi-polar. At this point I don’t even really care. My heart and soul hurt so much I just want the pain to be over. I wanted to stay because I can’t bear the thought of not being around my kids, but at this point I’m not sure staying for them would be doing them any favors. Things would most likely be more stable if we were in separate households.

    1. I used to start fights when we were approaching any time I thought my husband would expect sex. I avoided any kind of intimacy with him. And yeah, I used to let the kids sleep with us as a way of doing that.

      I’m sorry your family life seems so unstable right now. Have you considered a separation? Separation with the goal of reconciliation can give people a chance to heal and reflect in order to grown strong enough to work on the marriage.

      Also, if you haven’t sought pastoral or professional counseling yet, you might consider it. Even if your wife isn’t willing to go with you to work on your marriage, It might help you work on healing your own heart and soul.

  7. We went to marriage counseling earlier this year. Things have been worse since then. She decided to quit going after about 8 weeks as she felt she was getting nothing out of it. No matter what the exercise the counselor wanted us to try, she would agree in the session, then after we left she would tell me how stupid the exercise was and she wasn’t going to do it. The next week she would tell the counselor that we Did it and she got nothing out of it or that we didn’t try because of X,Y, or Z. At the last session she told the doctor how everything was much better and she didn’t feel she needed to come to sessions any longer. We actually got in a screaming match at the last visit and as we walked out the counselor mouthed to me “good luck”. I went back a few times after that but finally got to the realization that unless she wants to change there is only so much I can do on my own. The counselor told me she feels that my wife is depressed and she needs to deal with that before she can deal with the marriage. Unfortunately, she is un willing to seek any further help from a counselor, nor is she willing to talk to her doctor about medication. Both of those were options the marriage counselor threw out there. She said she doesn’t need either one of those. The tricky part about a separation is this. We would have to get an apartment or some other form of housing for one of us. Depending on how long the separation lasts with 2 kids in child care and other bills mounting, it would be almost like going through a divorce anyway. We could not afford to keep two separate households afloat with the current income we both make. We are the product of corporate downsizing and while we make do with our modest 1300 sq ft home, I see no way to keep the house and live in two different households, we would be uprooting everything we know and both moving in to smaller apartments. If we go through the trouble of getting rid of the house and packing everything up to move at that point it no longer feels like a “trial separation” and more like well Divorce. But yes I have considered that. The logistics of it just scare the hell out of me………………

    1. I can’t tell you how many women I know of whose openness to making changes coincided with getting on the right anti-depressant–including me.

      The emotional upheaval of separating households would be quite traumatic unless you have a friend or family member you could stay with during that time.

      You can’t change the marriage on your own, but you can continue to work on yourself to heal and strengthen.

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