I’ve had an exhausting week. I work closely with college students and faculty, and this has been final exam week. I do a lot of taking care of people in my job. I had incredibly busy days followed by days that were less busy but ultimately more draining due to the nature of some of the situations where students and faculty needed my support. I absorbed more stress, anxiety, and panic than my body and soul can withstand.
And that was just work. At home, I floundered all week, too. My older son had his own college final exams and his band is splitting up–so I spent time listening to him decompress and process the changes in his life. My twins are heading into the mad dash toward high school graduation—huge field trip, prom preparations, college housing deposit for the fall, worry about one kid not getting the schoolwork done, getting ready for a military physical. I’ve lost track of how many blog posts I’ve seen written by other women whose children are graduating and face a completely empty nest or the beginning of the un-nesting process. I’ve spent parts of the week crying over each woman’s celebration and heartbreak so similar to my own.
We finally have a spring, and with all the rain we’ve had, our grass was, oh, about a foot tall. The dog even struggled to get himself comfortable doing his business outside. I don’t mind mowing, but I don’t know how to get the mower ready in the spring and I simply haven’t had time this week to do it anyway.
My husband and I have had our sexual slump, so I was feeling disconnected, physically tense (turns out I’ve been relying on frequent orgasms more than I’d realized), and emotionally untended.
All week, I had one big hurt building up. My body hurt. My mind hurt. My heart hurt. I just wanted someone to take care of me.
And today, my husband is doing just that.
He woke me up to nuzzling that led to something more than nuzzling that led to physical release for him and an emotional connection for me. Afterward, he came down to start the coffee while I slept in just a bit longer. When I got downstairs, he looked at me and smiled his “I’m happy because my wife loves me and I just got laid” smile. He announced that his plans for the day included mowing the yard and taking me back upstairs to take care of me.
My heart just melted. I was okay without an orgasm this morning. What I craved most was being physically and emotionally connected, and I got that. The fact that he is thinking about what else I need matters so much to my sore and tired self.
If I’d asked my husband to spend some sexual time with me later, he would have agreed. He would have pointed out that at his age and with his health, it probably wouldn’t do anything for him after already having some morning playtime, and I would have had to make a decision about whether I was comfortable with taking something just for me. Instead, I have no decision to make about whether to ask.
I am feeling very loved right now. He knew that I wanted the lawn mowed, and instead of complaining about it or waiting for one of the kids to be around to do it, he did it himself. He noticed and cared that I didn’t have an orgasm this morning, and that in itself makes me feel cherished. The fact that he is planning ahead—for my pleasure only—is giving me very happy tingles in my body and my heart.
How is it that I ever thought that his desire for me was just about physical release? All the times I either said or thought, “All you want me for is what’s between my legs”? It simply wasn’t true. Yes, he wanted that—but it mattered so much because it was connected to the rest of me.
As I think about what will happen between us later, my heart and body are all tangled up with each other in anticipation. It is a supreme reminder of how all-encompassing God designed sex to be within a marriage. My husband will be taking care of me in body, mind, and heart. I am loved.