New Phase in Life

I’m off to focus on being mama for a couple days.

My daughter moves into her residence hall for her first year of college tomorrow morning, so she, her twin brother, and I will be hitting the road in a short while.

Nineteen years ago this week, an ultrasound confirmed that I was having twins. I remember feeling almost excluded from the unique relationship they were developing. They are very different individuals, but they have maintained a level of closeness over the years. When they were little, they had a twin language. Early in their teens, they both fell asleep on opposite ends of the couch after an exhausting school field trip–and just as they did in the womb, when one would turn over in sleep, the other would adjust in response. It was fascinating to observe.

It is strange to know that after today, they will be living completely separate lives. When we take her back for her second semester, her twin brother will have left for basic training. Thinking about this makes my womb ache (which is really something, since I had a hysterectomy a few years ago).

I am excited to launch my daughter into this new adventure in her life, even as I want to protect her from being hurt. I will miss her from my daily life so very much.

Last night, I woke up at 2:30 in the morning to use the restroom. I walked past her room and saw the glow of a laptop. I walked in to see a girl with very anxious eyes. She had her financial aid information open in one window, a message from a new roommate in another, and a completed textbook order in yet another.

I sat on her bed, closed her laptop, stroked her hair, sang her a silly song I used to sing when she was little, and watched my little girl’s eyes close. She needed her mama at that moment. And that’s just what her mama needed, too.

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3 Comments on “New Phase in Life”

  1. The good thing is you know is with there will be those regular trips home with full pillow cases of laundry, an empty stomach yearning for her favorite mom-cooked comfort foods, and and empty wallet. With him it will be much more difficult. We have experienced both.

    Our oldest son left for Air Force basic about a month out of high school. All the way down at Lackland in Texas. No quick visits home. Met a girl and married her. OUCH. We weren’t quite ready for that. Three kids and 18 years later she decided she wasn’t happy. Left him and the kids and took up with another guy in the same town. OUCH again. None of us understand it a year later.

    Two months out of high school, the youngest daughter informs us she is leaving for Seattle in search of true love. OUCH big time. For two years we had what we called wet blanket moments. Something would trigger us and we would just sit an cry. She used to sing a lot so any number of songs would set me off. It has slowed down a lot, but still happens. It’s been very hard on her mother. In five years she has been home less than three days. We though she was safely hone to stay, but she went back to him. Thankfully there is a new “him”, but we still want her home, even if the new “him” comes with her.

    I don’t know you and your children and am not a mother of twins so I can’t say I understand, but I can empathize with the ache. I have tears in my eyes as I type thinking about that little girl I used to have tea parties with and skip home from school with and now miss so deeply. Time to stop.

  2. Such a lovely visual of the love a parent has for her own Soon when they are gone from your home God will bring His comfort and sweet song to lullaby them to sleep

    Sent from my iPad

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