Love has to start somewhere, so why not start with your husband?

I just returned from my family’s annual campout in the UP. While we are not entirely off-grid there, cell phone reception is spotty and depends on the whim of the wind.

We got only bits and pieces of the news from Charlottesville, Virginia. We got just enough information to start an argument between two of my family members. Funny, isn’t it? News about the lack of love on a large societal scale prompted a lack of loving behavior on a smaller scale in a family. Read More →

Can you really fake it to make it when it comes to sex?

I’ve often said I’m a prime example of the advice, “Fake it ‘til you make it.” The idea is that if you act a certain way, those actions will lead to real change.

We hear this counsel in a variety of ways:

Dress for the job you want, not for the job you have.

Act “as if”—as if you have the qualities that you want to have, such as confidence or a positive attitude. (See Bonny’s post about power poses and finding your inner Wonder Woman.)

It is easier to act your way into a feeling than to feel your way into an action.

Smiling will make you happier. Read More →

Do one thing to move yourself toward the next step in your journey.

It is often said that the hardest step of a journey is the first one. While I think that is often true, it doesn’t mean the rest of the steps are easy!

Sometimes we find ourselves stuck. We may know what the next step is, but we find ourselves dragging our feet or unable to actually do what needs to be done. Read More →

God can transform your marriage from inside out.

Several factors played a role in my long-time resistance to sex in our marriage—mostly my premarital baggage, my insecurity and low self-esteem, and my feelings about the things that Big Guy said and did.

I’m going to let you in on something: those factors are still at play in my marriage.

Read More →


Can we please invite wives to the sexual joy and intimacy they can have in their marriages?

I’ve seen the advice in various places for years. It goes something like this:

All it takes is ten minutes and some lube to make your husband happy.

Or five minutes. Or fifteen minutes. Or one hour a week.

It varies, but you get the idea.

The advice is given—often by other Christian women—as the solution to wives frustrated by a husband’s frequent requests for sex. Read More →

3 Rules to Decrease Tension in the Bedroom

“In your anger do not sin”:
Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry,
and do not give the devil a foothold.
Ephesians 4:26-27

Our bedroom was anything but a sanctuary.

During the years when sex was a source of tension in our marriage, our bedroom was a place of conflict. Read More →