Questioning an Assumption: Is Being Valued for Sex Such a Bad Thing?

When a woman thinks her husband wants her only for sex, what does that mean to her? And what does it mean to him?

In the most recent installment of the on-going conversation I’m having with CSL at The Curmudgeonly Librarian, I made a comment about wives feeling dismissed or valued only for sex.

I’d like to explore this a bit—partly because it was discussed in the comments on that post but also because it teases at something that I’ve been wrestling with for a while now. Continue reading Questioning an Assumption: Is Being Valued for Sex Such a Bad Thing?

A Quiet Proclamation

Do you feel hopeless about the intimacy in your marriage?


Our conversations about our marriage were quiet and heart-wrenching. Although Big Guy has a big voice and isn’t afraid to use it,  when he was vulnerable and shared his heart, he spoke softly.

It was the quietness that got to me. I could hear his quiet voice much more clearly than I could hear his pain-infused volume. Continue reading A Quiet Proclamation

Can You Learn How to Have Sex (Again)?


Are you ready to (re)learn how to have sex?

My husband’s biggest complaint about our sex life wasn’t the infrequency; it was my lack of real engagement and participation and the lack of genuine intimacy between us. After years of maintaining a wall between us, I was terrified to connect with him without that wall. Continue reading Can You Learn How to Have Sex (Again)?

Three Steps You Can Take to Work on Sex Right Now

What are some steps you can take to work on sexual intimacy in your marriage?

If you’ve decided to work on the sexual intimacy in your marriage, that’s great! But where do you start?

When you think of all the things you need to do, it can be overwhelming.

Here are three things you can try, with some baby steps to help you get started. Continue reading Three Steps You Can Take to Work on Sex Right Now

What’s In It for Me?

I resisted change for so many years. Once I stopped fighting, my life got so much better.

He wanted me to change everything. I easily became anxious. I put things off. I was a know-it-all (even when it came to what he was thinking). I was controlling. He frequently complained about these things—yet the biggest complaint of all was about the lack of sexual intimacy in our marriage.

It never made sense. My husband was the one who was unhappy with our sex life, yet he expected me to be the one to change.
Continue reading What’s In It for Me?

Intimacy Chat: Baby Steps


Update: A second chat for this same topic has been added for Saturday, August 1, at 11 am US central time. Use the contact form on this page to sign up!  

How can you take an item on your sexual to-do list and break it into small steps?

When it comes to working on sexual intimacy in marriage, I’m a big advocate for breaking things into baby steps.

Instead of facing a huge mountain that you don’t know how to climb, you face something that might be a stretch but is within reach.

Taking small steps instead of giant leaps can help you build confidence and not feel so overwhelmed.

But how do you take a huge thing and break it down?

Our next Intimacy Chat for Wives is going to be all about baby steps. Continue reading Intimacy Chat: Baby Steps

Broken Record: Do You Revisit Long-Ago Events?

Do you replay long-ago marriage events so often that you’re like a broken record?

Today I am writing about something that some of you may not have experienced: a broken record. If that’s the case, just gather round while I talk about the old days while rocking in my chair. The rest of you may reminisce with me. :) Continue reading Broken Record: Do You Revisit Long-Ago Events?

Learning to Dance with Desire

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