Can a video game show us anything about how we grow in our marriages? The answer turns out to be yes!


I was playing a video game the other day, and I realized that my avatar’s energy level was getting low. Instead of forging ahead into the next quest, I moved slowly, avoiding dangers that might completely deplete me. I continued on my journey and took care of the absolutely essential things, but I was slow and careful so I could rebuild my strength. When I was back up to full strength, I was ready for next quest.

That has been happening in my real life lately, too. Read More →

Have long-time patterns carved ruts into your marriage bed?

The road to my parents’ cabin is six long miles of gravel, traveled mostly by heavy and speedy logging trucks.

The drive on that road seems to go on forever. Even if the logging trucks aren’t barreling toward us, we have to watch out for tall sharp rocks that can shred a tire. We can get so focused on being on guard against sharp rocks that we end up in the deep ruts in the road. We’ve never gotten stuck, but we have bottomed out the vehicle a few times.

The ruts are carved in by a combination of water flow patterns and the multiple-times-daily travel of logging trucks loaded down with the baggage of freshly harvest trees. Read More →

No matter what your first step is or how it goes, remember that God is always with you.

So far in this Making Sexual Changes series, I’ve talked about understanding how we got to the beginning of this journey of change and the process of beginning the journey. Today I’d like to wrap it up by talking about what you can actually do in those first steps.


You’ve prayed, you’ve found your courage, and you’re ready to take your first sexual step—but what should it be? Read More →

This is the second of a three-part series about how to begin to make changes in sexual intimacy in your marriage.


What matters is that you get into the water, not how you get there.

Some of us made the decision to change in an instant. A realization or conviction can be a lightning strike paradigm shift. Others of us had the decision creep up on us like thunder that rumbles far away long before you realize a storm is on its way. Not everyone embraces what the storm brings, either. While some of us stand with our hearts ready to accept the waves of change that will wash over us, others try to fight off those waves with an umbrella. Read More →

Knowing your story may be the first step in changing it.

I hear from many women about how they came to decide to work on sexual intimacy in their marriages. Not a single one has ever said that she woke up one morning and just decided to do it out of the blue. Nor has anyone told me that it was easy.

If you are a wife who has made the decision to change, you may be asking yourself, Now what? This post is for you. Actually, so are the next two posts. I had so much to say that I decided it would be easier for you to read one bit at a time.

Today I would like to encourage you to think about what brought you to your decision to change.  Read More →

Are you in an emotional swamp at the thought of making changes in your sex life?

Words cannot adequately describe my emotions when I realized I needed to work on sex.

Some of these emotions were due to my newfound awareness of how deeply our sexual disconnection had hurt my husband. I felt a heavy burden of guilt for having caused him so much pain. My heart hurt for him. I felt like I had completely failed at marriage and being a wife. Read More →

Be your husband's eye candy.

Eye candy is something that is visually appealing, with just a dollop of sexy thrown into the mix. If your husband is like most guys, seeing you be sexy is the best eye candy possible.

Don’t believe me? Let’s take a look at the Song of Songs 4:1-5:

Read More →

Be the salt and light in a world of flavorless and negative views of married sexuality.

Dear friends,

A few years ago, I asked for your help in sending me to a conference, and you came through in a way that still humbles me. Now I am asking for your support on an on-going basis to help me encourage women in their marriages. I am also asking you to become an encourager yourself.

Marriage matters, and sexual intimacy matters to marriage.My own life has shown that all too well. Read More →

Are you feeling stressed? Do you want to replace a bad habit with a good one? Do you need to slow down?

One of the Bible verses that speaks so deeply to my heart is Psalm 46:10: “Be still, and know that I am God.”

Many women stay busy or take on too much, leaving them with little time for rest and relaxation. We put everyone else first and wear ourselves out. By the time our husbands approach us for sex, we may simply be too weary. Read More →

Has your heart been transformed when it comes to sexual intimacy?

And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. Ezekiel 36:26

I’m an advocate for the “fake it until you make it” approach to improving sexual intimacy. I acted my way into a feeling that I enjoyed sex.

However, I think there is only one reason this approach worked for me:

Read More →

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