Prepare for the holidays in a way that helps the intimacy in your marriage be nurtured rather than blown away.

As I write this, I am sitting under a winter storm warning.

People around here are doing what they do when a big snow is on the way. They’re making sure their snow blowers are gassed up and their sidewalk salt is ready to go. Their digging out the winter hats and gloves. They’re gathering the last of the garden harvest. And yes, they’re going to the store for bread and milk. Read More →

When it comes to sexual intimacy, do you want to be healed?

During the years of our sexual disconnection, Big Guy often would point out that our sex life was, well, broken. Even then, through the fog of all my own baggage and hurt, I could see that for myself.

I shed many tears of frustration over the fact that sex wasn’t working. My emotions always seemed to get in the way, and the sexual tension was constant and difficult.

One time my husband asked me point blank, “Don’t you want our sex life to get better? Don’t you want it to work well?” Read More →

What can happen when you help heal your husband’s heart?

In Lessons from a Wife’s Heart, I said I wanted to share three lessons for wives that arose from a series of posts addressed to men at The Curmudgeonly Librarian:

  • Conquer your complacency.
  • Deal with your feelings.
  • Care for your husband’s heart.

These were hard lessons for me to learn in my own journey to restored sexual intimacy—maybe because they are the three most important things I did.

Every one of these things was necessary in healing my own heart as well as my marriage. I’ve written about the first two lessons here and here.

I’ve put off writing about the last one, but a message sent to me today reminded me how critical this is.

Read More →


Dealing with your feelings can help your heart heal.

Note: See Lessons from a Wife’s Heart and Conquer Your Complacency for an introduction to this post.

I’ve always said I live my life on an emotional landscape.

In other words, I have lots and lots of feelings in response to, well, just about anything.

Sometimes, these feelings are ones that hurt. During the years of my marriage when I carried a hurting heart, I believed that my husband was responsible for most of those hurt feelings. They dominated our marriage for many years. Read More →

How can we pray for your marriage?

Tomorrow (November 9) will be a day of prayer for me. One of the things I intend to pray about is marriage. I would love for you to join me, even if only for a few minutes.

If you have a specific struggle in your marriage that could use some prayer, you are invited to comment on this post with your prayer request. (Or, if it’s too private to share in a comment, you can email me at

Also, share ways that we can pray in gratitude for you. If you have taken any steps toward healing, that is worthy of prayer as well.

I encourage you to take a few moments to pray for the requests shared here. It is one of the wonderful ways women can support each other.

Note for husbands: Your prayer requests are welcome here. However, they will be heavily moderated in order to not overwhelm wives in volume or content. Even if your prayer request is not approved or if it is edited, know that I will be praying about your request anyway. (See my Guidelines page for more information.)

Image courtesy of Witthaya Phonsawat at


Neglecting sexual intimacy means that you are giving up on some of the best gifts God has for you in your marriage.

Hillsong’s Hosanna includes the lyrics “break my heart for what breaks yours.” I think of those words every time I receive a message from yet another hurting spouse. Surely God’s heart breaks for hurting marriages.

Right after listening to that song today, I received an email. Sadly, it wasn’t much different from many other emails I’ve received: yet another husband is giving up the pursuit of intimacy in his marriage and thinking that death would be better than the misery in his life.

My friends, I wish I could tell you how much this hurts my heart. Read More →

Complacency keeps you mired in the pain of the past. Choose to move forward and seek healing.

Note: See Lessons from a Wife’s Heart for an introduction to this post.

For many years in my marriage, I had a hurting heart—some because of my own baggage and some because of my husband’s words and actions.

Feeling hurt was no fun—but it was familiar. I avoided any work on my own healing, afraid of what I would find—evidence that my husband and I were completely incompatible, proof that I was screwed up more than I thought, or a clear sense that I was the reason for our marriage problems.

I didn’t want to identify the true source of the hurt, and I suspected that the process of healing whatever it was would require more than I had to give. Read More →

Prepare to deal with the hurt in your heart.

How can a wife heal her hurting heart?

My years of resistance to intimacy, sexual and otherwise, were built on a foundation of my own baggage. Rather than helping to dismantle that bad foundation, Big Guy’s words and actions piled on even more stuff that I had to deal with.

Because I wasn’t aware that my baggage was  anything other than just the way things were, all I could see was what my husband did. I was hurting, and as far as I could tell, it was Big Guy’s fault. Read More →

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