Changing your approach to sexual intimacy can be hard work. Really hard work. The kind that leaves you feeling completely wrung out and worn down.
Many of us find that our marriages are transformed in amazing ways. We can feel like we are enjoying hard-earned rewards with husbands who are thankful for what we’ve done.
But what if your marriage doesn’t seem any better? What if your husband doesn’t seem thankful? What if he doesn’t even seem to notice that you’re doing anything differently? What if he seems even worse now that he doesn’t have to be nice to get sex? What if he is refusing you now?Continue reading →
The Christian Marriage Bloggers Association blog challenge this month is proving to be, well, a challenge for me. Two of our four weekly challenges ask us to write about words of wisdom and encouragement from people in our lives—one week from family, and this week from friends.
I have become acutely aware that I have not had people in my life who have spoken about marriage. Continue reading →
For so long, I considered my husband’s desire for sex only in terms of the physical release and pleasure.
I really didn’t understand why my husband needed me for that. If he was in such need of physical release, why couldn’t he just go take care of himself through masturbation and leave me alone? Continue reading →
My decision to work on the sexual intimacy in my marriage was made at the moment I realized how deeply I’d been hurting my husband throughout years of sexual rejection, duty sex, disrespect, and making him a low priority in my life.
It is probably the least self-centered decision I’ve made in my life. At the time, I had only a vague idea of how to proceed. “Have more sex” was about all I could come up with at the time. Since we had an essentially sexless marriage, even once-a-month sex on a consistent basis would be an improvement—and just the thought of that overwhelmed me. Continue reading →
You’re happy in your marriage—at least as happy as you think you’re supposed to be. You and your husband are doing what it is that Christian grown-ups do, whether that is parenting, caring for elderly relatives, volunteering at Vacation Bible School, coordinating a program or two at church, serving on church boards, greeting at the south entrance four Sundays a year, leading Bible study or Sunday School (or both), or singing in the choir. You take meals to families with new babies and to new widows. Your husband helps hang drywall in the building expansion. You both sit with the elderly women during coffee hour after church. You’re a good Christian woman. Continue reading →
Throughout most of 2009 and 2010, we were in a nearly sexless marriage. A sexless marriage is a marriage in which sex occurs ten or fewer times per year. Our frequency wasn’t quite that low, but we were close during this time due to health problems and a series of very stressful events in our lives.
We were spiraling away from each other with each passing week. Our unhealthy communication patterns had gone from bad to worse, we spent almost no time with each other, and we had lost some of the energy to even argue with each other. Continue reading →