How can we grow toward contentment in marriage?

For a little over a year and a half, my life has been full of plenty of stress. It has often seemed non-stop, with one new difficult situation arising before the previous one has even been resolved.

I’ve taken my own advice to tend to my marriage. (See How Does Stress Affect Your Marriage?)  I’m happy to say that I’ve been spending time in God’s Word, extending myself some grace, praying, breathing, and having sex enough that my marriage is strong and healthy. It is one area of my life that has not felt stressed. My marriage has provided a sanctuary of contentment and rest for me. Read More →

Is oral sex a source of tension in your marriage?

Oral sex can be such a source of tension in marriage.

I hear from both women and men in marriages where the husband would like to receive oral sex and the wife doesn’t want to do it.

It often becomes a measuring stick both spouses use to assess how much they are loved by the other. Her constant refusal shows him that her love for him is lacking. She views his frequent requests as a sign that he is more interested in physical pleasure than in her. Read More →

How can we learn to embrace our God-given sexuality?

God designed us as sexual beings.

We have sexual urges. We have a clitoris which serves no other purpose that providing a woman’s sexual pleasure. We get tingles when we are touched in certain ways. Even many of us who usually resist sex find that there is a particular time in the month when our hormones make us want to sexually connect with our men.

God made us with sexual parts, sexual feelings, and sexual pleasure.

So why does our sexuality make so many of us uncomfortable? Read More →

When I came face-to-face with my selfishness...


I’ve often said that I am on the same journey of healing our marriage as many of you are. That doesn’t mean that I like coming face-to-face with things I still need to work on.

But that’s exactly what happened today.

I’ve been praying for God to show me where I needed to grow as a wife. I confess it was a half-hearted prayer. My prideful self thought that I had all this wife stuff figured out. I was praying it just for show—which is absolutely ridiculous. Who did I think I was fooling? Certainly not God—who gave me exactly what I asked for despite the fact that I didn’t think I needed it. Read More →

As the marriage bed becomes cleansed, it can become easier to experience the blessings God has poured into your marriage.

When I began to make changes in the area of sexual intimacy, it was all for my husband.

Big Guy was the one who wanted sex. He was the one who thought there as a problem. I did it for him. I thought the only thing I would get out of it was a less grouchy husband.

Oh, how wrong I was. God has made my marriage into one that continues to bless me. Read More →

Can a vibrator help the intimacy in your marriage?

As you grow in the area of sexual intimacy, you’re likely to run into the subject of vibrators.

Vibrators are usually used externally for clitoral stimulation. They come in a variety of shapes, sizes, colors, and power sources—but they all make vibrations that provide sexual stimulation. Some vibrators can be inserted to provide internal stimulation if desired.

Vibrators can be confusing to Christian wives. Are they okay? Are they a good idea? If the suggestion to use one has come from her husband, she might wonder if he is unhappy about their sex life. Or, if she’s the one who has the idea, she may be concerned about whether her husband will think she is unhappy with their sex life.

When adding anything new to the marriage bed, it is important to consider how it might affect the intimacy between you and your husband. Read More →

How do you respond when men give voice to their hurt about the sexual intimacy in their marriages?

When we gaze at a lake on a sunny day or at a lazy slow river, it’s easy to forget the overwhelming power that exists in water.

During the Great Flood of 1993, we lived in the St. Louis area. We often went out exploring the area on weekends. We watched for weeks as the water rose, creeping higher and deeper into communities along the Mississippi River.

The flood waters slowly soaked the ground completely, to the point that it could absorb no more. People who lived in flood zones carried special belongings to upper floors in their homes to keep them dry. They filled sandbags and arranged them in an attempt to keep the water away.

The water continued to rise, flooding homes and businesses as the river banks could no longer hold the volume of water. Read More →

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