With a blog that is a ministry for women, I am sometimes puzzled by the number of men who read here. I am grateful that they do, as the stories and comments from women here provide them with insight that can help them better understand their wives.
With both comments and emails from hurting husbands, I am often brought to tears by the depth of pain brought on by a wife’s sexual refusing and gate-keeping. And I know all too well that where his heart hurts, hers probably does as well.
When I approve and respond to comments from men, I am always mindful of how the comments can be part of ministry to women. I think about wives reading the comments and understanding a bit more about the hearts of men. I also think about the wives of the men who comment and email. Supporting their husbands is a way of indirectly ministering to these women..
Over the next few days, I am going to ask that you lift up these men in prayer. Pray for their relationship with Christ. Pray that they find the courage and love to help their wives see the need to work on sexual intimacy. Pray that they are able to continue to love even while feeling unloved. Pray for these men, and pray for their wives.
Men, if there are specific ways we can pray for you, please post a request in the comments. I’ll do my best to approve comments while I am away from home.
Ladies, please pray for these men and their wives even as you pray for your own husband. Let’s surround these marriages with prayers for healing.
Blessings to you all.
Image courtesy of graur codrin/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net
The journey toward full intimacy in my marriage has required me to knock down the walls I had erected to protect my heart. Opening myself up to the joy that was waiting for me in marriage meant risking heartache and sadness. Continue reading
Do you know how often you and your husband have sex? If you say “no” on more than an occasional basis, my guess is that even if you don’t know, he does.
A good friend recently faced a life crisis that has now been resolved in an unexpected way. She asked me yesterday, “Would it be a bad thing for me to say that I could get comfortable? That things are good?”
I pointed that she is so accustomed to living with fear of the future that she has forgotten how to accept and receive the blessings right in front of her. In all my wisdom for others but not myself, I didn’t even see that I’ve been doing the same thing. Continue reading
A few months ago, I shared with you my desire to attend the upcoming She Speaks Conference. I asked for your help, in funds and prayers, so I can attend. Continue reading
A couple years ago, I mistakenly thought my marriage had completely recovered from the damage my years of gate-keeping and refusal had done. After all, we were having sex frequently, I was initiating as much as my husband was, and I had learned to let go of a lot of the hurts in which my gate-keeping and refusing had grown.
Dear Sister in Christ,
Your husband has sent me an email that just about breaks my heart.
You’re probably thinking, “Well, of course he did. He’s always complaining about our sex life. You’re a sex blogger and probably don’t understand what I’m going through anyway. He probably wants you to tell him how to get me to give him more sex. Why does he have to make sex into such an issue anyway? Why can’t he just leave it alone?” Continue reading
James 5:16 tells us to confess our sins to each other so we can be healed.
In order to confess, though, you have to admit that you’re wrong—and according to me, I’m never wrong. At least, that’s what my family thinks I believe. I’m stubborn, and admitting I’m wrong taps into a place inside me where I think I’m an unlovable failure. So they’re right—I’m never wrong. Continue reading
My initial impetus for pursuing a change in how I approached sexual intimacy was selfish: my husband was depressed, and sex was the only thing I could think of that had a chance of making him easier to live with. Continue reading
As my sexual gate-keeping and refusing developed over a period of years, I developed habits of word and behavior in response to my husband’s sexual advances and as a way of deflecting and avoiding sexually-charged conversations or situations. These habits were so ingrained that I was barely aware of them.