A Change of Heart


It’s the last week in October. That means it’s time for the last CMBA_challenge_14installment of the Words of Wisdom blog challenge from the Christian Marriage Bloggers Association.

This last week asks us to write a post about words of wisdom and encouragement from books and blogs.

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After I came to the realization that my husband was suffering as a result of my approach to sexual intimacy, I began to work on my words and actions related to sex.

The real change, though, wasn’t in anything my husband could see. Continue reading

What If It Isn’t Getting Better?

What if your marriage hasn't improved, even after you've worked so hard on yourself?

Changing your approach to sexual intimacy can be hard work. Really hard work. The kind that leaves you feeling completely wrung out and worn down.

Many of us find that our marriages are transformed in amazing ways. We can feel like we are enjoying hard-earned rewards with husbands who are thankful for what we’ve done.

But what if your marriage doesn’t seem any better? What if your husband doesn’t seem thankful? What if he doesn’t even seem to notice that you’re doing anything differently? What if he seems even worse now that he doesn’t have to be nice to get sex? What if he is refusing you now? Continue reading

The Wisdom of Friends

CMBA_challenge_14The Christian Marriage Bloggers Association blog challenge this month is proving to be, well, a challenge for me. Two of our four weekly challenges ask us to write about words of wisdom and encouragement from people in our lives—one week from family, and this week from friends.

I have become acutely aware that I have not had people in my life who have spoken about marriage. Continue reading

The Ties That Bind

Physical, emotional, and spiritual aspects of sex

For so long, I considered my husband’s desire for sex only in terms of the physical release and pleasure.

I really didn’t understand why my husband needed me for that. If he was in such need of physical release, why couldn’t he just go take care of himself through masturbation and leave me alone? Continue reading

The Grief of a Formerly Refusing Wife

Has grief been part of the process of healing your marriage?

My decision to work on the sexual intimacy in my marriage was made at the moment I realized how deeply I’d been hurting my husband throughout years of sexual rejection, duty sex, disrespect, and making him a low priority in my life.

It is probably the least self-centered decision I’ve made in my life. At the time, I had only a vague idea of how to proceed. “Have more sex” was about all I could come up with at the time. Since we had an essentially sexless marriage, even once-a-month sex on a consistent basis would be an improvement—and just the thought of that overwhelmed me. Continue reading

Psalms for My Marriage


CMBA_challenge_14The Christian Marriage Bloggers Association has a blog challenge this month, asking us to post each week about wisdom or encouragement about marriage from various sources.

This week, we write about words  from the Bible.

I am embarrassed to admit that during the difficult years of our marriage, I was angry at God and separated myself from Him in many ways. I rarely sought wisdom from the Bible. Continue reading

One Year


You’re happy in your marriage—at least as happy as you think you’re supposed to be. You and your husband are doing what it is that Christian grown-ups do, whether that is parenting, caring for elderly relatives, volunteering at Vacation Bible School, coordinating a program or two at church, serving on church boards, greeting at the south entrance four Sundays a year, leading Bible study or Sunday School (or both), or singing in the choir. You take meals to families with new babies and to new widows. Your husband helps hang drywall in the building expansion. You both sit with the elderly women during coffee hour after church. You’re a good Christian woman. Continue reading

My Husband’s Arms

Every day, I have one favorite moment. It is when Big Guy walks through the door at the end of the day, puts his lunchbox on the table, and wraps his arms around me.

Chris and Big Guy hugging. :)
It wasn’t the end of the day and it was a little more than a hug, but this is a picture our son took of us on Easter at the family farm. I like it better than any of the stock images I could find of couples hugging.

I rest my head on his shoulder, close my eyes, and absorb his presence. No matter what has been happening throughout the day, in that moment, I feel completely safe and loved as I am held within the circle of his arms. Continue reading

Living in a Nearly Sexless Marriage

What do you remember of your experiences saying "no" to sex?

Throughout most of 2009 and 2010, we were in a nearly sexless marriage. A sexless marriage is a marriage in which sex occurs ten or fewer times per year. Our frequency wasn’t quite that low, but we were close during this time due to health problems and a series of very stressful events in our lives.

We were spiraling away from each other with each passing week. Our unhealthy communication patterns had gone from bad to worse, we spent almost no time with each other, and we had lost some of the energy to even argue with each other. Continue reading

Learning to Dance with Desire

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