I Am My Husband’s Garage

Does your husband see your marriage as a protection against the pollution and storms of the world?

A couple months ago, my husband Doug (aka Big Guy) called me on his way home from work, just as he always does.

He asked him how my day was, and I told him I’d written a post about our crabapple tree.

“Great!” he said. “Did you talk about how the blossoms blow all over my car and how annoying that is?”

I told him what I’d written about (recognizing growth in marriage), and he said I should write another post about the crabapple blossoms on his car. I suggested, “Well, maybe you could write that one.”

So he did, and here it is.

flourish

Chris recently wrote a blog about our crabapple tree.  She wrote about watching it change from a dormant tree to a beautiful blossoming fruitful tree.  She wrote about viewing it from a new perspective and compared it to nurturing a marriage.  It was a beautiful and well written blog about marriage.

But I don’t view the tree the same way.  I have to park my car under the tree.  The tree drops pollen and blossoms and leaves and birds visit the tree to eat the fruit.  I want to park in the garage just past the tree.  Why I can’t is a different post (it has to do with our recent move and the boxes that have yet to come inside).

However, as I read Chris’s blog it occurred to me that I view the tree not as a beautiful tree but something that diminishes my nice car by dirtying it.  The garage is the safe place.  It protects my car from the elements, from the birds, from the pollen and leaves.

It also occurred to me that the tree was a different metaphor for my marriage than Chris viewed. it.  To me the tree is the world outside of my marriage.  It waits to pollute me.  As my car sits outside the garage a storm approaches..  The car is rained upon and the falling leaves caused by the storm stick to it and the car is dirty.  If the car is inside the garage, the storm rages around my car but it is safe and protected inside the garage.  As a man, if I chose to indulge in the sexual sins of the world then I am in danger of the storms dirtying and damaging me.  But inside my marriage, I am safe, protected.  I am not in danger of the storms.

I know I  am blessed.  I have a Godly woman who has learned to enjoy our sexuality.  She is my garage. It isn’t perfect. I am still tempted.  It may be by a “news story” about the most recent celebrity to suffer a “wardrobe malfunction.”  It may be a movie on one of the streaming channels that displays nudity or sex.  I am not a prude, I do not shut myself off from the world, but I know that I have my marriage to protect me when I feel tempted to revel in what the world has to offer.  It is the garage that protects my car from the crabapple tree.

flourish

The bible tells us,

Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 1 Corinthians 7:5

I am my husband’s garage, helping to protect him against the temptations he will face.

When his car gets covered by crabapple blossoms or bird droppings, it is his responsibility to clean the car off and make sure the mess doesn’t stick–but keeping his car in the garage would provide a lot of protection from what the tree throws at him..

When the world throws temptations my husband’s direction, it is his job to keep himself clean–but our marriage provides a lot of protection for him so he has less to clean off.

Think about what kind of protection your marriage provides for your husband.

Does he see you as a safe place and a protection from the storms of the world? Or does your marriage feel more like he’s parking underneath the tree?

Enjoy these other posts about my wonderful Big Guy:

Love Like a Woman: Should Your Sexual Response Be Like Your Husband’s?

It is normal for a woman’s sexual response to look different from her husband’s.

Big Guy and I had a lot to learn about my sexual response. Part of the problem was that neither of us understood female sexual response in general.

Even before our marriage began its long season of disconnection, I thought something was wrong with me sexually. Had I understood that my sexual response was perfectly normal, I could have prevented a lot of difficulties in our marriage. Continue reading Love Like a Woman: Should Your Sexual Response Be Like Your Husband’s?

Rebuilding Trust after My Husband Had an Addiction to Pornography

If you have discovered that your husband is addicted to pornography, the sense of betrayal you feel may be devastating. (See this article at Covenant Eyes for more on this.)  How do you rebuild your trust in your husband? How do you open yourself up again to sexual and emotional intimacy?

Today’s post comes from Robi Smith, who writes at Hopeful Wife Today. She shares about her journey from the discovery of porn toward a healing marriage. Continue reading Rebuilding Trust after My Husband Had an Addiction to Pornography

How Do You Initiate Sex?

Bless your husband with your desire for him.

Has your husband ever said he would like you to initiate sex more?

Mine has. It used to be that when he would say that, I would tell him that since he was the one who wanted sex so much, he needed to initiate it. It made absolutely no sense to me that I would initiate something I didn’t even want to do.

The closest I ever came to initiating sex in those days was to say, “I suppose you want to have sex, so let’s get it over with.” Continue reading How Do You Initiate Sex?

The Laundry Chute: Getting Unstuck

When things get stuck in our marriages, getting unstuck is far more important than whose stuff it was that clogged things up in the first place.

One of the things I love about our new home is that it has a laundry chute. It’s so much more convenient than having to lug dirty clothes down to the basement all the time. The chute has an access not only on the second floor where our bedrooms are but on the first floor, too. It’s handy for taking care of kitchen linens—and for unclogging the chute. Continue reading The Laundry Chute: Getting Unstuck

Collateral Growth

As you work on sexual intimacy, you may see unexpected growth in other areas as well.

When I realized I was experiencing on-going hurt in my marriage, I began to build walls between me and my husband. Unable to trust him emotionally, I needed to protect my heart.

Our marriage problems had crept up on us, slowly becoming part of our marriage without our full awareness. I had a vague sense of my husband not loving the things about me that I treasured the most. My innermost self was ignored, dismissed, or banned from conversation. I suspected that my husband didn’t love me at all. Continue reading Collateral Growth

Six Things to Know about Emotional Disconnection

What does emotional disconnection look like to you?

I spend a lot of time here writing about our husbands.

That grows out of my own experience. I’ve written about the difficult moment when I realized how deeply my husband had been hurt by my sexual rejection of him. Many women have shared that they, too, just didn’t understand.

It was only when we were able to understand on an emotional level what sex means to our husbands—and how the lack of sex hurt them emotionally—that we were able to take that first step toward improving the sexual intimacy–and the overall intimacy–in our marriages.

Understanding our husbands and having compassion for them does not require us to set aside our own feelings. It doesn’t mean that our husbands are more important than we are. Continue reading Six Things to Know about Emotional Disconnection

Learning to Dance with Desire

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