Whether we're talking ice cream or sex, vanilla is a great flavor.

We often people talk about “vanilla sex”—sex that is plain, the same every time, and not too spicy. Vanilla sex is “the usual.” It’s our go-to sexual activity—the usual location, the usual sequence of activities, and the usual sensations. Read More →

This awesome new resource can help you talk with your daughter about sex, puberty, and growing up.

For nearly two decades of my marriage, I wasn’t a very good wife. I maintained emotional walls between Big Guy and me. I resisted sex. I treated him disrespectfully. I refused to trust him with my heart or my body.

I carry many regrets from those years, many of which include what I was teaching our kids about marriage. My sons were learning that marriage was not a happy state for a man, and my daughter was learning that it is okay to, well, be a shrew. Read More →

Could you be emotionally abusing your husband?

I am blessed to have a husband who easily forgives and forgets. He doesn’t remember our difficult years as being quite as challenging as I remember them. Occasionally he says our situation wasn’t really that bad.

He may not remember his own anguish or the resignation in his voice when he said, “I guess I have to accept that I am going to spend the rest of my life in a sexless marriage.”

But I remember. And I remember what I did to add to his anguish. Read More →

If you take your first step today, where will you be in seven years?

The number seven appears frequently in the Bible: the seventh day as a day of rest, seven years each that Jacob worked for Leah and Rachel, seven cows and seven ears of corn in a dream that Joseph interpreted, and so on.

Seven is a number of perfection and completion in the Bible. Today it is a special number for me as well. Read More →

Explore your husband this weekend!

My beloved is radiant and ruddy . . .  Song of Solomon 5:10

From childhood, boys are fascinated by their penises. Even before they are aware of their sexuality, touching the penis feels good. The penis is interesting. It can do stuff, and sometimes it seems to have a mind of its own.

Your husband’s penis is the most male part of his body. He loves it, and he wants you to love it, too. Read More →

Sexuality is inherent to a man’s sense of self.

This is the first in a series of posts in which I discuss six points husbands have expressed about the lack of sexual intimacy in their marriages. I first discussed these points in this post several years ago. Please read the introduction to this series here for background and a list of caveats.

This post discusses the first point: Sexuality is inherent to a man’s sense of self.

~~~ Read More →

Difficult heart work can bring healing—and intimacy with God.

For a woman who resists and avoids sex, the prospect of making sexual changes is daunting. If sex were easy for her, she would have already figured it out, right?

She may have a pretty good idea what issues she’s going to have to face. Or maybe she has not idea. Either way, she knows it is going to be difficult and probably a little painful.

She may wonder if she can do the hard work. She wonders if it’s really worth the effort.

Read More →

Slow progress is still progress.

When I began this blog, I didn’t know I should add images to blog posts. While I think my earlier posts have good content, they don’t exactly look good. Read More →

Post Navigation