No mess is bigger than God.

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18

I was working at a private college with several Catholic sisters on staff and went to a meeting to discuss the non-academic challenges faced by some students. Some of our students had serious messes in their lives.

My colleagues and I shared a few stories about the ways God’s providence was evident in the way these students managed to rise above their challenges.

One of the sisters thought for a moment, then quietly said something along these lines: “It’s in the mess where the Holy Spirit resides.” Read More →

Is it okay for a Christian wife to enjoy sex?

Sexual intimacy is about so much more than just the physical pleasure—but sometimes we diminish the value of this pleasure just because it is physical.

God designed us to experience sexual enjoyment. With over 8,000 nerve endings, the clitoris exists only for sexual pleasure.

Despite God’s clear intention for us to experience sexual pleasure, many women struggle to fully enjoy the physical pleasure that comes with sex. (I am not talking here about struggling to experience an orgasm, which I’ve written about here.)
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Escape to the mountains. Genesis 19:17

Finding encouragement for marriage growth in the bible isn’t exactly unexpected. However, I was somewhat surprised to find such encouragement as I was reading about the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah. Read More →

Weary with the Sorrow of Loneliness

From middle school into adulthood, my best friends and I grew from girlhood into womanhood together.

In high school, my friends always seemed to have dates—or at least guys who were interested in them. Me? Not so much. I jealously looked on from the sidelines, wondering if I would ever find a guy who liked me. I worried that I would spend my life alone and lonely. Read More →

Is reading sexually explicit romance novels good for your marriage?

Imagine that you see your husband sitting on the couch, looking raptly at his computer screen. You ask him what he is watching, and he casually says—as if it’s no big deal—that he’s watching porn. He tries to explain why it’s a good thing: “It’s good for our marriage. Porn turns me on and then I want to have sex with you. I know these are just actors, so it’s not like I think it’s real. Besides, I deserve a little escape from all the stuff going on at work.”

You probably don’t sit back and think, Oh, well, I’ll just watch Dancing with the Stars while he sits there and watches his porn. Read More →

Are you afraid your past sin has put God’s love off limits?

Although plenty of us carry around emotional and sexual baggage, some of us have baggage that is especially heavy.

Sometimes our own sins are so big that they weigh us down. Read More →

When it comes to sexual intimacy, do you want to be healed?

During the years of our sexual disconnection, Big Guy often would point out that our sex life was, well, broken. Even then, through the fog of all my own baggage and hurt, I could see that for myself.

I shed many tears of frustration over the fact that sex wasn’t working. My emotions always seemed to get in the way, and the sexual tension was constant and difficult.

One time my husband asked me point blank, “Don’t you want our sex life to get better? Don’t you want it to work well?” Read More →

What can happen when you help heal your husband’s heart?

In Lessons from a Wife’s Heart, I said I wanted to share three lessons for wives that arose from a series of posts addressed to men at The Curmudgeonly Librarian:

  • Conquer your complacency.
  • Deal with your feelings.
  • Care for your husband’s heart.

These were hard lessons for me to learn in my own journey to restored sexual intimacy—maybe because they are the three most important things I did.

Every one of these things was necessary in healing my own heart as well as my marriage. I’ve written about the first two lessons here and here.

I’ve put off writing about the last one, but a message sent to me today reminded me how critical this is.

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Does your sleepwear send a message to your husband? Is it the real message, or a message in disguise?

Do you send your husband a message with your choice of sleepwear?

I used to—only it turns out I wasn’t sending the messages I thought I was.

For years, I wore a t-shirt and underwear to bed, with an occasional variation. Although my t-shirt and underwear routine had begun during my teens, over time they became a sign of my resistance to sex.

It used to be that my sleepwear sent not-too-subtle signals regarding my sexual availability—and much of the time, I was keenly aware of that fact. Read More →

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