Can we please invite wives to the sexual joy and intimacy they can have in their marriages?

I’ve seen the advice in various places for years. It goes something like this:

All it takes is ten minutes and some lube to make your husband happy.

Or five minutes. Or fifteen minutes. Or one hour a week.

It varies, but you get the idea.

The advice is given—often by other Christian women—as the solution to wives frustrated by a husband’s frequent requests for sex. Read More →

3 Rules to Decrease Tension in the Bedroom

“In your anger do not sin”:
Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry,
and do not give the devil a foothold.
Ephesians 4:26-27

Our bedroom was anything but a sanctuary.

During the years when sex was a source of tension in our marriage, our bedroom was a place of conflict. Read More →

If you’ve ever wondered why your husband makes such a big deal out of your orgasm, you aren’t alone.

In fact, sometimes it may seem like he enjoys your orgasm even more than you do!

Last summer I asked husbands to complete a survey that consisted of one question:

What does it mean to you when your wife has an orgasm during sexual activity with you?

Fewer than 200 men responded to the survey, so this was a small sample size. It certainly wasn’t a scientific study. Still, what the men had to say is consistent with other comments I’d read and heard from husbands about their wives’ sexual pleasure. The responses didn’t surprise me. Read More →

A plus-size woman can enjoy sexual intimacy.

Being a plus-size woman brings challenges in many areas of life—including the area of sexual intimacy.

I know first-hand how painful this subject can be.  I was a thin and active child, but when I was a young adult I began to put on weight. I am now quite overweight. Fortunately, Big Guy adores my curves and always has.  Yes, I want to be healthier. I would like to be thinner. For the most part, though, I’ve come to terms with my weight. This is who I am and how I look. This is the body I have right now, and it’s the one with which I live my life.

Still, writing this post is a struggle.  I’ve never had any problem sharing about the sexual intimacy in my marriage here. This feels different. Harder. More vulnerable. Nakeder. (I totally made that word up. It works.) I was not prepared how difficult this post would be to write.

I’m not going to lecture anyone about health here. We all know we need to be healthier.

I’d like to be honest about the unique sexual challenges we plus-size women face. In this post I’m going to talk specifically about body image and our feelings about our weight. I have a follow-up post that will address some physical realities of plus-size intimacy.

Read More →

Is it okay for a Christian wife to enjoy sex?

Sexual intimacy is about so much more than just the physical pleasure—but sometimes we diminish the value of this pleasure just because it is physical.

God designed us to experience sexual enjoyment. With over 8,000 nerve endings, the clitoris exists only for sexual pleasure.

Despite God’s clear intention for us to experience sexual pleasure, many women struggle to fully enjoy the physical pleasure that comes with sex. (I am not talking here about struggling to experience an orgasm, which I’ve written about here.)
Read More →

What is your husband saying that you might be misunderstanding?

Alone in the car for a long drive recently, I turned on the radio to find some music that would help me stay alert.

I landed on a classic oldies station (meaning every single song was something from my youth).

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Is this a season of joy or a season of stress for you?

I used to dread this time of year.

Like many other women, I was busy, busy, busy. I had shopping, kids’ concerts, class parties, baking, extra church activities, decorating, and work-related holiday events for both my husband and me. Plus, it was a crunch time at my job. Much of this was outside my control, although some of it I placed on my own shoulders in my efforts to “do Christmas right.”

People would mention Christmas joy and I rolled my eyes. Who has time for joy? I would think. I can barely remember what it was like for Christmas to feel merry. Read More →

Weary with the Sorrow of Loneliness

From middle school into adulthood, my best friends and I grew from girlhood into womanhood together.

In high school, my friends always seemed to have dates—or at least guys who were interested in them. Me? Not so much. I jealously looked on from the sidelines, wondering if I would ever find a guy who liked me. I worried that I would spend my life alone and lonely. Read More →

Have experiences with sexual harassment affected your marriage bed?

 

Women have been sharing their stories of sexual harassment in articles that are making the rounds on social media lately. (If you’re a man reading this, start here.)

Like many of you, these articles have gotten me thinking about my own experiences.

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What can you do when your needs are not being met?

In Lost in Translation, I wrote about a typical husband’s desire for his wife to be more passionate. I encouraged you to understand what your husband means and try to fulfill that. I suggested that you help your husband better see what you already are doing toward that end.

The other side to this is equally important—getting our needs met. Although I often write about a husband’s desires and perspective, in no way does that diminish you, your perspective, or your needs. Both spouses matter in marriage.

What can you do when you’re the one with a need that isn’t being met? Read More →

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