Is this a season of joy or a season of stress for you?

I used to dread this time of year.

Like many other women, I was busy, busy, busy. I had shopping, kids’ concerts, class parties, baking, extra church activities, decorating, and work-related holiday events for both my husband and me. Plus, it was a crunch time at my job. Much of this was outside my control, although some of it I placed on my own shoulders in my efforts to “do Christmas right.”

People would mention Christmas joy and I rolled my eyes. Who has time for joy? I would think. I can barely remember what it was like for Christmas to feel merry. Read More →

Prepare to deal with the hurt in your heart.

How can a wife heal her hurting heart?

My years of resistance to intimacy, sexual and otherwise, were built on a foundation of my own baggage. Rather than helping to dismantle that bad foundation, Big Guy’s words and actions piled on even more stuff that I had to deal with.

Because I wasn’t aware that my baggage was  anything other than just the way things were, all I could see was what my husband did. I was hurting, and as far as I could tell, it was Big Guy’s fault. Read More →

What lessons are you learning as you work on sexual intimacy in your marriage?

September 5, 2010, was a significant day in our marriage. It was the day my eyes were opened to the hurt my husband was experiencing as a result of my resistance to sex.

This past weekend marked five years that I’ve been on this journey. Read More →

I am working on a post about how premarital sex can affect our married sex lives.

Did you engage in premarital sex? Take my survey!

I’ve already written about my experience, and now I’d like to learn about yours.

If you are a Christian wife who engaged in consensual sexual activity before marriage, please take the survey. It is completely anonymous.

Click to take the survey:

Thank you so much for helping!

Image courtesy of Master isolated images at

Sex is a treasure. Do you keep it tucked away, or is it part of your everyday life?

We are preparing to move, and sorting through family memorabilia can make me feel a bit melancholy. I have so many decisions about what to keep and what to throw away. I find myself frequently wondering if there is anyone besides me who would find sentimental value in an item.

So yesterday, in an effort to reconnect with one item that I know for sure I’ll be keeping, I went to a closet and pulled out a book that is nearly 150 years old. Read More →

Every day, I have one favorite moment. It is when Big Guy walks through the door at the end of the day, puts his lunchbox on the table, and wraps his arms around me.

Chris and Big Guy hugging. :)

It wasn’t the end of the day and it was a little more than a hug, but this is a picture our son took of us on Easter at the family farm. I like it better than any of the stock images I could find of couples hugging.

I rest my head on his shoulder, close my eyes, and absorb his presence. No matter what has been happening throughout the day, in that moment, I feel completely safe and loved as I am held within the circle of his arms. Read More →


It was bound to happen sooner or later. I wrote something that caused some women to feel hurt. I felt heartsick. I questioned a whole lot about myself. I was deluged with comments and hurtful emails.

There was a storm, and I was caught in the middle without an umbrella. Read More →


The journey toward full intimacy in my marriage has required me to knock down the walls I had erected to protect my heart. Opening myself up to the joy that was waiting for me in marriage meant risking heartache and sadness. Read More →


Today is our wedding anniversary, and the weather reminded me of our wedding day. It rained most of the morning, and it was gray the rest of the day.

Wedding Day

We had a relatively small low-key wedding: 80 guests, one attendant each, and a reception in the church basement. We married in my husband’s home town rather than mine because his dad was a farmer and it was planting season. My father-in-law couldn’t risk being too far away on a good planting day. Read More →


Last week, I realized I’ve been feeling disconnected from my husband. I haven’t been sleeping well due to sinus problems, so I found myself too tired to push for conversations and genuine time together. He had a couple super early appointments and was tired himself. Most of last week, we spent every evening as couch potatoes. Big Guy is a big TV watcher, so he would have the TV on while I sat and knitted pot-holders. (What can I say? It’s an exciting life I lead here. 🙂 ) Read More →

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