When the boards at The Marriage Bed were put to rest a couple years ago, quite a few of us shared our thoughts about what TMB had meant to us. Here’s mine.
To probably no one’s surprise, I have a lot to say.
It’s hard to know where to begin–although I know exactly WHEN it began. I found TMB on a Sunday morning–September 5, 2010. My husband and I had been arguing again (about sex and all sort of other things). I refused to go to church with him that morning. I stayed home and was looking at a news site on my computer. I saw an article about Christians and sex, and there was a link to TMB. I clicked on the link, hoping to find something I could use to prove to my husband that his sexual expectations were wrong.
I know exactly what thread I was reading that God used to open my eyes to how I’d been hurting my husband. At that moment, I had no idea how our marriage would change—or how I would change or how my whole life would change. Now everything has been made new.
At first I was mostly a lurker. I would read threads voraciously. Then I would panic and feel completely alone in what I was going through and I’d stay away for months. Then I’d come back, and then I’d go away again. Eventually our marriage changed enough that I figured we were past the hardest part of it. I posted my introduction, expecting not to be welcomed because I’d been what folks around here called a refuser. It turned out okay, though.
During my first few years here, I was very happy in my long-time career in higher education. A comment from [a long-time member] got me thinking about helping other wives. A few months later, I decided to start a blog. To my surprise, a few people started reading it. After only a couple weeks, Lori Byerly found it and shared a link on TGW. I was used to an average of 20 page views per day. On the day Lori shared one of my posts, it shot up to 1500. I got so light-headed that I had to put my head between my knees and try not to throw up. Now my total page views number in the millions. I still shake my head in disbelief at that.
Not too long after I started my blog, I lost my college administrative job. I was shocked and it caused problems for our family, but I was delighted to be able to spend more time with the blog—and I don’t at all miss the career that I loved for so many years. The blog has grown into a broader ministry, with the blog only one piece of how I try to help wives. There are also Facebook groups, studies, a podcast, one e-book (and more on the way), and now intimacy mentoring. If you have ever found anything helpful on The Forgiven Wife or Sex Chat for Christian Wives, know that you have TMB to thank for that.
TMB has spurred much of my spiritual growth, too—in part because I was letting my marriage problems get in the way of letting God into my life. The good folks here have challenged me, rebuked me, and inspired me far beyond the scope of the marriage bed. I have drawn closer to God as a result of my time here.
I haven’t posted on TMB much this year for a variety of reasons, mostly that I’ve been really busy—but I have continued reading and praying for situations presented here.
I’m so very sad to know that the body of wisdom here will be discarded. (To be honest, I’m more than a bit angry about that, too.) When I landed here, it was an active thread that got my attention—but it was reading through years of previous threads that helped me keep going. Seeing the history of some members helped me believe that growth was possible and that there was much joy to be found in the marriage bed.
When I landed here eight years ago, I didn’t expect to make any friends—yet I’ve done just that! I’ve gotten to spend time with some of you in real life, which wasn’t nearly as weird as I thought it might be. (Okay, the one thing that IS weird is that when you’re talking about TMB, suddenly you might realize that you don’t actually know how to pronounce someone else’s username.) I consider many of you my friends. I’ve made wonderful connections through Facebook and email, and I’ve even gotten to meet some of your spouses.
My husband and I are both happy in our marriage. He has said that our bed is his safest place in his life. As for me, our bed is the one place where I feel completely free. On that Sunday morning when I found TMB eight years ago, I wouldn’t have believed either of these was possible. Yet here we are.
I will never be able to fully express my gratitude for TMB and for the people who have been part of it. I’m doing my best to pay it forward, because I can’t even begin to pay it back.
You turned my wailing into dancing . . .
~Psalm 30:11
