Your external beauty is not the source of your worth; it is the reflection of it.

Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 1 Peter 3:3-4  

For many of us, how we feel about our appearance affects not only our self-worth, it also affects our willingness to let our husbands see us naked. I finally won that battle, but I still have some work to do in believing that my worth is not partly based on my appearance. Read More →

 

You are the most beautiful woman in the world to your husband.

Among the many things I wondered about during much of my marriage is whether I’ve been beautiful. Although I didn’t love the way I looked early in our marriage, I knew I looked good enough and sexy enough. Read More →

Light

It’s no news to anyone that women have body image issues. We’ve even had the recent Dove campaign  remind us that we’re more beautiful than we think.

I’ve been reading lots of blog posts and articles about men being visually stimulated and needing to see the women they love while making love.

For some women, the thought of having sex completely naked, in full light, is quite intimidating. We look at our bodies and don’t think we look so hot. It may be hard to understand, but if your husband tells you he wants to see you naked—and if he reacts positively when he sees you partially or fully unclothed, being naked in the light is a worthy goal.

Our husbands want to see us—but with all these body images issues we have, just how are we supposed to get comfortable getting naked and being in our own skin? I’ve written about this a bit here  and here .

I used to prefer sex under the covers, with the lights off. Once I got warmed up, I was okay being completely naked with dim lighting on—but there’s no way I ever wanted to start off in the full light, wearing nothing but my birthday suit. Now, I am completely comfortable doing the deed in the broad daylight, without a stitch on. How did I get here?

I’m a big believer in the value of taking things slowly, of just taking one small step at a time. (See this and this.) Here are some suggestions for small steps you can try. All have been tested by yours truly.

  1. Start with dim lighting. Candles (on a safe stable surface away from the bed) add a little romance. Start with just one candle, and as you get more comfortable, you can use more to increase the lighting. Scented candles add to the ambiance, too.
  2. Wear something that exposes your husband’s favorite parts while covering what you don’t like. I’m overweight. My stomach is way too big and covered with stretch marks. I found a slinky nightgown with stretchy spaghetti straps. I would pull the straps way down to expose the girls and lift the hem up to expose another relevant area, but my stomach would stay covered by the nightgown. Being able to cover the part I most disliked made it easier to get comfortable having other parts so exposed.
  3. Put a blindfold on your husband while you have the lights on. Yes, the whole point is for him to be able to see you—but if you can get used to being naked with the light on and not being seen, it will eventually be easier to be naked with the light on with him seeing you.
  4. Use strip tease principles. Show a little something and then cover it back up. Show him all your parts, one at a time. Teasing is a good thing, and it allows you to experience the build-up of seeing your man start to go ga-ga over what he’s seeing. I have absolutely no sense of rhythm or how to dance, so when I strip, it’s really about taking clothes off strategically. I don’t think my husband has noticed the lack of music or dancing yet.
  5. Allow the light to be on while you’re naked just for one or two minutes. Give him an eyeful, and then  turn the lights back off—or way down. It gives him a little of what he needs, and it gives you a chance to slowly get more comfortable. This is basically the strip tease concept, but instead of removing the clothes, you’re removing the lighting.
  6. Dress and undress in front of him. And go slowly as his favorite parts of you are exposed. Let him see. And watch him react. This can be good for your confidence about your body.

Some of these things took a little more courage for me than others, but over time, I got more comfortable being naked in the light. Even more important, my husband was able to see that I was making an effort to try to do something just for him. This was huge in our marriage.

If your husband would like to see you in the light and the thought terrifies you, pick just one of these things and give it a shot. Take it slowly, and gradually build up the length of time you do it.

You are more beautiful to your husband than you think. Let him enjoy the image of your body, one step at a time.

Image courtesy of Salvatore Vuono at FreeDigitalPhotos.net