Blog posts to help you grow in your marriage

It’s the first Sunday of the month, so it is time for a Loveliness of Links!

A loveliness of ladybugs can help cultivate a healthy garden, and a loveliness of blog posts can help you cultivate a healthy and intimate marriage.

Enjoy these great posts from April! Read More →

It’s time for a Loveliness of Links from last month!

Just like a loveliness of ladybugs all working can help cultivate a healthy garden, a loveliness of blog posts can help you cultivate a healthy—and intimate—marriage.

Enjoy these great posts from March.
Links to grow your marriage!

Lovely Links

  1. 25 Reasons God Made Sex Real Good, Bonny’s OysterBed7
  2. 3 Ways to Improve Sex in Your Marriage Now, Intimacy in Marriage
  3. 4 Healing Ways to Pray for Your Marriage, Messy Marriage
  4. 4 Kinds of “Yeast” Your Marriage Needs, Calm.Healthy.Sexy.
  5. 5 Ways to Feel More Attractive – Beauty and Confidence for Real Women, Calm.Healthy.Sexy.
  6. 5 Ways to Love Your Husband Through Infertility, To Love, Honor & Vacuum
  7. 5 Ways to Treat Yourself Like a Friend – Self Care Strategies for Busy Women, Calm.Healthy.Sexy.
  8. Come to Me, Awaken-Love
  9. Finding God Outside the Walls of Marriage, Intentional Today
  10. His Choice for the Day, The Generous Wife
  11. It’s About the Heart, Awaken-Love
  12. More Time for Bedtime, The Generous Wife
  13. My Husband Isn’t Everything I Dreamed Of, Transformed Wife,
  14. Paying Attention to the Nudges, The Romantic Vineyard
  15. Q&A with J: Is It Possible to Have a Great Marriage (and Sex) Long Term? Hot, Holy & Humorous
  16. Solve the Stressors, The Generous Wife
  17. Stop “Hooking up” in Your Marriage, Authentic Intimacy
  18. The Beauty of a Crimson Stained Marriage, The Romantic Vineyard
  19. The High Maintenance Wife: Why She’s a Great Idea, Intentional Today
  20. What If God Really Meant For Us to Have Freedom in the Bedroom? To Love, Honor & Vacuum
  21. When You Don’t Know What to Pray for Your Marriage, Hot, Holy & Humorous
  22. While You’re Both Waiting – Love, Encourage Your Spouse

You can conquer the learning curve!

I’ve been busy preparing for our podcast launch.

Much of the work has come naturally and is more fun than it is work: social media planning and posting, brainstorming ideas for podcast episodes, writing program notes, and having and recording our conversations about sexual intimacy in Christian marriages.

One thing, however, has been a challenge for me: sound editing. I came to this with absolutely no experience working with sound. Zero. Zilch. Nada. Read More →


Escape to the mountains. Genesis 19:17

Finding encouragement for marriage growth in the bible isn’t exactly unexpected. However, I was somewhat surprised to find such encouragement as I was reading about the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah. Read More →

The benefits--and limits--of duty sex

A wife who’s resisted sex for a long time can face a tough journey when she begins to work on sexual intimacy.

The goal should be a thriving sexual relationship with her husband. Sometimes, though, it’s easier for a sexually reluctant wife to think of sex as little more than duty sex in which she allows her husband to have an orgasm with her body. Men report that this leaves them feeling emotionally empty and deprived—and honestly, it doesn’t do so much for us emotionally, either. (I’ve written about the downsides of duty sex here, here, here, and here.)

Getting comfortable with duty sex should not be the end goal for a wife who decides to work on sex.

However, duty sex isn’t always a bad thing. Sometimes it is a helpful early step in a wife’s journey toward joyful sexual intimacy. Read More →

Have experiences with sexual harassment affected your marriage bed?


Women have been sharing their stories of sexual harassment in articles that are making the rounds on social media lately. (If you’re a man reading this, start here.)

Like many of you, these articles have gotten me thinking about my own experiences.

Read More →

 How can you find peace when you’ve made so many changes and your husband has barely budged?

When we work on the sexual intimacy in our marriages, it should be because we believe it is the right thing to do—not for the express purpose of getting our husbands to change. (Disclaimer: I say this as a woman whose initial attention to our sexual intimacy was to get my husband to change.)


It can be far easier to see our husbands’ faults than it is to see our own. You may have a mental list of things you would love for your husband to change. I certainly did! Read More →

You still have time to grow in your marriage.

A little over a month ago, I planted a couple tomato plants. Our tomato cages got lost in our move last year, so I put the tomato plants in the ground and figured I would go get new cages in a couple days. (A tomato cage is metal cage that goes around the tomato plant. It provides support for the tomato as it grows and bears fruit.) And then . . . I didn’t get the cages. I would be out watering my garden and think, Oh, those plants are getting kind of big. I should go get cages. Then I would go inside and the tomato cages would slip my mind. Every time I watered the garden, I would remember that I needed to get tomato cages—but there was no rush, right? Read More →

When I began to work on the sexual intimacy in our marriage, I knew I would need to dismantle my emotional wall.

Note: In this post, I will be discussing emotional safety and healing.. If you are being emotionally abused, or if you fear for your physical safety because of physical abuse or the threat of it, please seek help and support as soon as possible. What I am writing about here does not apply to you. 


This is the third of a series of posts about emotional safety. You can find the first two posts here and here.

My resistance to sexual intimacy in my marriage grew out of my feelings about not being emotionally safe.

When I began to work on the sexual intimacy in our marriage, then, I knew I was going to have to learn to reconnect with my husband. I would need to dismantle my emotional wall—and that meant that I was going to have to be emotionally vulnerable again, even though I didn’t yet feel emotionally safe. Read More →

Do you have to guess what your husband needs?

I don’t take responsibility for meeting all of Big Guy’s needs, because some things are for him to seek from God, not from me or from our marriage. Some of his needs might indicate areas where he needs to grow, and others are things I’m just not capable of at the moment.

Nonetheless, understanding my husband’s needs has been an important part of my own growth in marriage. It shows me where my efforts might be most appreciated or have the biggest impact.

I do try to meet many of his needs, but figuring out what those are hasn’t always been easy. Read More →

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