Has your husband responded negatively to your efforts to work on sex?

For a full year after I began working on sex, the effort was hard and largely thankless. For six months, my husband didn’t really believe that my change was real. He thought it was a fluke. He was grateful for the change, but he didn’t even acknowledge what was happening.

For the second six months, he was a little angry and tested me. He had an attitude of, “If you were able to do this all along, why didn’t you do it earlier? Why did I have to suffer for so long?”

Because I had developed a heart of compassion for him and felt bad for how much I’d hurt him, I was willing to cling to God and persist throughout that year. Read More →

How can you respond if your husband reacts negatively when you say no to sex?

Big Guy would approach me for sex. My response was usually some variation of no—rolling my eyes, listing all the things I need to get done first, or just saying the word “no.”

Quite often, after my negative response I would start to think about the possibility of sex. I wonder why I don’t think about sex like he does? I like sex well enough once we’re doing it. Hmm. I suppose that if I could just wrap up this stuff I’m working on, I might be able to do it. I just need some transition time. If he would come ask me again right this minute, I might be able to manage a yes. Where is he, anyway? For a guy who seems to want sex so much, shouldn’t he be here with me, spending time with me and helping me?
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It can be hard enough for us to stretch ourselves outside our sexual comfort zones in the best of circumstances. So what do we do when the circumstances aren’t so great?

I’ve received several emails from women recently asking the same question:

What do you do when your husband wants to do something sexually that you’re pretty sure he got from porn?

From sexual positions to oral or anal sex to props to toys to what to say or do during sex, wives can struggle when a husband presents a new suggestion, especially when we think it is something he has seen in porn.

I thought I’d ask you all how you’ve handled this. Click here to take the survey.

I’ll share the results and some of my own thoughts in a few weeks.

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles at FreeDigitalPhotos.net


  1. the act of stretching or straining.
  2. the state of being stretched or strained.
  3. mental or emotional strain; intense, suppressed suspense, anxiety, or excitement.
  4. a strained relationship between individuals, groups, nations, etc.

Have you ever taken a new rubber band, one of those really thick ones, and tried to stretch it out? At first, it wants to hold onto its shape. If you keep pulling on it, though, the tension builds up enough that it stretches out—and the more it is stretched, the easier it is to keep on stretching it. Read More →


I was unbearable. I snapped at my husband. My words dripped with sarcasm all day long. I vaguely recall rolling my eyes several times. It was one of those days when I couldn’t even stand myself.

As much as I’d like to tell you that this was years ago, the truth is that it was just this past weekend. Read More →