Welcome!
My name is Chris, and I’m glad you’re here.
My husband Doug and I have been married 24 years. We live in southeastern Wisconsin and have three adult kids who are various stages of leaving the nest. I thrive on coffee, knitting, and chocolate; the order of importance varies, depending on the day. I love to read and write; I dislike housework.
In this blog, I invite you to go deeper than all that, though. I have a story–just like you do. My story is a journey of healing–of my heart, of my marriage, and of my relationship with God.
This blog is an invitation to walk with me for a bit on this journey and allow me to walk alongside you on yours.
For most of my marriage, I was so busy loving my kids, my colleagues, the oppressed, and myself that I forgot to be loving my husband.
After 20+ years of stubbornness, selfishness, sexual gatekeeping, and discontent, I started to change how I behaved toward my husband. After action came feeling. After all the years of being a poster child for how not to be a wife, I’ve reached a deeper level of intimacy with my husband, emotionally and physically. In refusing my husband sexually, I was denying him my love.
Maybe you’re a wife who’s like I was. Maybe you know that you want to change and just don’t know how. Maybe you know something isn’t working and have no idea what to do. Maybe you’re being told that you’re sinning and are panicking because you need to make a heart change. This blog is for you.
I crawled out of the pit of sexual refusal and control and am learning to dance with desire. As I reformed my wifely self, I faced hard truths. I hurt my husband deeply. But now I am the Forgiven Wife. If you are a wife whose husband is sexually unhappy, let me walk with you for a while. I promise no yelling (well, sometimes, I may have a firm voice)–just understanding and sharing and some virtual chocolate from time to time.
If you’d like to learn more about the beginning of my journey toward a sexually healed marriage, you can read here and here.
Our stories and journeys may not be the same, but we can still encourage each other as we try to grow in our marriages and our faith.
Welcome to the journey of forgiveness.
~Chris
I enjoyed reading your blog and story and look forward to more.
Jim VH
Thank you. I look forward to finding out where my story leads.
Great encouragement,I am also a work in progress
God bless you Chris. My darling wife may be a bit like you, but after 23 years she’s better than ever, and I will never get over her saying I do and becoming my wife. god has truly done an amazing work in her heart and in our marriage.I appreciate your testimony here. Thank you, Kevin
Hello Chris, thank you for your transparency. I stumbled on your article (enjoy your husband semen) on Pinterest. You put into words what I didn’t know how to express to my wife of 26 yrs. I showed her the article, (pointing out that it was from a Christian perspective,) And as transparent as we are towards each other it gave her new insight. It must have, because I got a 10 second kiss before we parted this morning .
I’m so glad that my post helped you express your feelings to your wife. And I’m really, really glad that it gave her some new insight (and a nice smooch). 🙂
I just stumbled across your page. You’re farther down the road I’m on… you’ve thought my same thoughts… I’ve got major anxiety about following your steps… I’ve been beat down by my husband telling me our issues are all my fault, so I’m reluctant to accept the 100% of the responsibility… but with God’s help and discernment of The Holy Spirit, I’m willing to try… If you would, please pray for me.
If I had seen all the steps I took laid out in front of me at the beginning, I would have felt major anxiety as well. I made a decision to just look at one small step at a time without thinking about what would be next. And even the smallest step is still a step. Start where you are, and look for one very small thing you can do differently. For today, that is enough. And you know what? Even the willingness to try is a super important step. You’re on your way! I will add you to my prayer list.
Please I need help. My husband is the one that is sexually not pursuing me. We have been together 23 years. Being in quarantine has made me face wha I don’t I want to face. I have so much resentment and truly hurt for always being put to the side. He has ignored my desires. He is being very sweet NOW and hugs and kisses me. I cried out so many times over the last 15 years, “love ME physically” and now I feel it’s a little to late. I am also going through depression during this time. AND haber been through depression many times during this marriage because of our relationship and wanting to leave. This is so hard. I keep praying to God to help me t me a heart of flesh, to remove the heart of stone
and a renewed spirit. We have two beautiful children. I don’t want to live like roommates anymore. I want to feel love for him again.
Vanessa, I am so sorry you are hurting. One thing you can do for yourself is join the Hot, Holy & Humorous community for higher-drive wives at https://hdwives.hotholyhumorous.com/. You will find a group of women who are walking this same journey. You should find comfort in being surrounded by others who understand, knowing that you are not alone. They may have some good suggestions for you, too, as you figure out how to navigate your marriage and your hurt.
Mrs. Taylor, while I have seen your posts on Twitter, I just read your story about your personal journey in your marriage. I highly commend you for your change of heart and transformation where your husband is concerned. You came to realize that it was about more than just sex, but also about sharing your love for him, and making him feel wanted and needed. Your story gives hope to someone such as myself that maybe one day, I will have a similar ending. Thank you for sharing, and I hope something I said inspires you to continue sharing your story, because there are other men(as well as women) who need to hear/read it.