As a Christian, I’m supposed to be all about love. For most of my marriage, I was so busy loving my kids, my colleagues, the oppressed, and myself that I forgot to be loving my husband.

After 20+ years of stubbornness, selfishness, sexual gatekeeping, and discontent, I started to change how I behaved toward my husband. After action came feeling. After all the years of being a poster child for how not to be a wife, I’ve reached a deeper level of intimacy with my husband, emotionally and physically. In refusing my husband sexually, I was denying him my love.

There are other wives like I was. Maybe they know that they want to change and just don’t know how. Maybe they know something isn’t working and have no idea what to do. Maybe they’re being told they’re sinning and are panicking because they need to make a heart change. This blog is for them, and for me.

I crawled out of the pit of sexual refusal and am learning to dance with desire. As I reformed my wifely self, I faced hard truths. I hurt my husband deeply. But now I am the Forgiven Wife. If you are a wife whose husband is sexually unhappy, let me walk with you for a while. I promise no yelling, just understanding and sharing and some virtual chocolate from time to time.

Some of these posts come out of posts I’ve made on message boards or private messages to people I’ve met online. At first, many of the posts are slightly revised versions of what I’ve written there. As I find my voice here, that will fade.

To learn more about the beginning of my journey toward a sexually healed marriage, you can read here  and here.

Welcome to the journey of forgiveness.


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Learning to Dance with Desire

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