As you grow in the area of sexual intimacy, you’re likely to run into the subject of vibrators.
Vibrators are usually used externally for clitoral stimulation. They come in a variety of shapes, sizes, colors, and power sources—but they all make vibrations that provide sexual stimulation. Some vibrators can be inserted to provide internal stimulation if desired.
Vibrators can be confusing to Christian wives. Are they okay? Are they a good idea? If the suggestion to use one has come from her husband, she might wonder if he is unhappy about their sex life. Or, if she’s the one who has the idea, she may be concerned about whether her husband will think she is unhappy with their sex life.
When adding anything new to the marriage bed, it is important to consider how it might affect the intimacy between you and your husband.
Many people make an assumption that because a vibrator is a mechanical object rather than a husband’s body part, it detracts from intimacy.
What I’d like to do is share with you three ways that a vibrator can add to the intimacy in marriage. I am talking specifically about using a vibrator when you are with your husband.
1. It Can Increase the Chance of Orgasm
Most women find that a vibrator will help them have an orgasm most of the time. It’s either a sure thing or a mostly-sure thing. If you are a woman who finds orgasm elusive, you know the frustration of not being able to “get there” most of the time. Even if you are committed to a vibrant and mutual sex life, frequent frustration can make sex feel less than mutual. You may be tempted to just skip ahead to the stuff your husband likes. When this is your experience most of the time, it can actually detract from the intimacy in your marriage.
Orgasm is not the only important aspect of sexual intimacy—but it is important. A vibrator can give you the knowledge that an orgasm is a likely by-product of your time with your husband. It may be that you use it just at the very end, and only if other efforts haven’t worked yet. If a vibrator is likely to help you more fully enjoy your time with your husband, then it can strengthen the intimacy in your marriage.
2. It Can Do What Your Bodies Can’t
Carpal tunnel problems, arthritis, bad knees or elbows, extra weight around the middle, TMJ, and other ailments can make sexual stimulation and intimacy a bit challenging at times. You may be facing a short season of problems, such as during a pregnancy or injury, or you may know that you’ll deal with them for the rest of your lives. In some cases, your husband might not be able to sexually stimulate you without experiencing pain. (Just imagine your husband going into work with a wrist brace and having to explain it without saying that he got a repetitive motion injury by giving you an orgasm.)
Many women prefer sexual positions that are face-to-face so they can enjoy kissing and eye contact. They find that this is vital in the emotional aspect of sexual intimacy. As our bodies age and change, it can become more difficult to sustain a position that allows for those positions for the necessary stretch of time. A vibrator can allow you or your husband to sexually stimulate you while you enjoy the emotional closeness of deep kissing or gazing into each other’s eyes. If your orgasm happens while you are in your husband’s arms and feeling emotionally close to him, it doesn’t matter what tripped the trigger.
A vibrator provides stimulation that is more powerful than what a husband can do, and it can lead to an orgasm fairly quickly. These factors do have the potential of detracting from intimacy—but if physical or medical conditions pose difficulty in the physical aspects of sex, intimacy can be greatly enhanced by the use of a vibrator.
3. It Can Be Fun!
God gave us great freedom in our marriage beds, and He wants us to enjoy ourselves. A vibrator provides unique sensations. Just like the touch of a feather across your breasts feels different from the touch of your husband’s hands, a vibrator feels different from other ways your husband might use his body to stimulate you. You may have a marital toy box that includes tingly lubricants, silk scarves, or other things that you use to change things up from time to time. A vibrator can add to the sexual sensations. Your husband can stimulate you with his hands, mouth, or penis while the vibrator adds sensations either externally or internally, thereby multiplying the tingles you feel. Sharing a variety sexual experiences with your husband helps to build intimacy, and vibrators can be part of that.
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Many Christians have valid concerns about the use of vibrators.
As with any new sexual activity, you and your husband should be asking yourselves these questions:
Is it loving? Is it habit-forming? Is it too focused on orgasm and physical pleasure? Does it put sinful thoughts into our minds? Does it build our marriage? Does it strengthen the connections between us, or does it weaken them?
Several of my sister marriage bloggers have written about the use of sex toys:
- Hot, Holy & Humorous, Why I Don’t Use Sex Toys
- Intimacy in Marriage, Batteries Included: Sex Toy Use?
- To Love, Honor & Vacuum, Can Christians Use Sex Toys?
Their posts give you good things to think about if you and your husband are considering adding a vibrator to your marriage bed. Their thoughtful discussions can guide you in the process of determining whether a vibrator is right for you.
Some women are concerned about getting so accustomed to a vibrator that you lose the ability to experience an orgasm without the marital aid. These posts are helpful if that happens:
- Bonny’s OysterBed7, How Do I Eliminate Marital Aids and Orgasm Naturally?
- Bonny’s OysterBed7, What If the Batteries Died? A Sex Toy Story
A vibrator isn’t going to be right for every marriage. It’s up to you and your husband to figure out what’s best for you. If you are considering using a vibrator, spend time with your husband reading these posts I’ve linked, talking, and praying about it. Yes, I said to pray about vibrator use. Invite God into your decision.
If you and your husband decide to use a vibrator, rest assured that if you approach it responsibly, it can add to the overall intimacy in your marriage.
Image courtesy of earl53 at morgueFile.com
Disclaimers and an Opportunity
I wrote a draft of the post above several months ago and then let it sit. A lot of Christians oppose the use of vibrators, and I’ve learned to let some posts sit for a while before posting them to be sure I have time to fully think through what I’m saying.
A few weeks after writing the draft, I got an email from Married Dance (affiliate link) asking me to try out a new Vibrator Pilot Program they were putting together. In exchange for their pilot package (which included a vibrator, batteries, lubricant, and instructions), I would provide them with feedback—which I did by making suggestions on how to make the instructions easier for first-time vibrator users. It was very clear that I was not expected to write about this on my blog.
I want to say something about it anyway, and I figured an addendum to the above post would make sense.
Even after reading all the posts I’ve linked above, talking, and praying about adding a vibrator and have decided to give it a try, the idea of a vibrator can still be overwhelming. I’ve gotten emails from women who tell me that they and their husbands got a vibrator but they’re afraid to use it, or they have no idea what to do with it, or they don’t even know how to turn it on. Or they’re thinking about getting a vibrator but aren’t ready to invest in something pricey when they don’t even know if it will work for them.
If you and your husband want to try out a vibrator but aren’t ready to make a big financial commitment, the Married Dance Vibrator Pilot Program (affiliate link) is an excellent place to start. Here’s the copy from their site:
Our Vibrator Pilot kit includes everything you need to experiment with using a vibrator to add intimacy in your marriage bed (multi-speed vibrator, lube, batteries, antibacterial toy cleaner, and a Vibrators 101 Guide to guide the way). Try it for 60 days, and if it’s not for you we’ll refund your credit card (including shipping) with absolutely no questions asked.
You get everything you need to give it a try, and if it doesn’t work or you decide it isn’t right for you, you get a refund.
If you want to try a vibrator but don’t know where to start, try the Married Dance Vibrator Pilot Program (affiliate link).
Image credit | RJA1988 at pixabay.com
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My wife and I use all kids of sex toys, including vibrators, and it has been nothing but a positive for us. We have sex more often, she has more orgasms, we save time and energy, and we’ve gained a lot of variety.
I appreciate that some couples are apprehensive, but sex toys will open up a ton of opportunities 🙂
I have a concern about the assumption I often see that a vibrator removes all intimacy. It definitely sounds like it adds a lot to your marriage!
There’s no doubt that a vibrator enhances intimacy for us. It’s hard to even count all the ways.
1. More orgasms leads to more sex.
2. Sex takes less time and energy. This is great when you’re low on both. (Of course, when you have plenty of time and energy then don’t use the vibrator if you don’t want to!)
3. Variety. My wife can reach orgasm in any sexual position she wants.
4. Fun and games! We play trivia, use a remote-controlled vibrator on dates, stimulate her in ways that are impossible without three arms, and have marathon edging sessions. I could go on.