Emotion and relationship are at the heart of your husband’s sexual desire.

When we think of men talking about sex, the notion of locker room talk typically comes to mind: sexual details, guffaws, high fives, and the like.

At a retreat last month, I had the privilege of listening to five men—real and decent marriage-minded Christian husbands—talk about sex.

There were no crude comments. There were no high-fiving or waggling eyebrows or “I got me some of that” happening—and I’m pretty sure it wasn’t just because I was present.

When these five men talked about sex, they spoke of two things: emotion and relationship. Read More →

Believe and expect the best of your husband. Lust is not inevitable.

Could I just encourage you all to go read Sheila’s posts on men and lust this week on To Love, Honor, and Vacuum?

She takes an in-depth look at the idea that men are visually stimulated, that this visual stimulation leads to lust, and that all men continue to struggle with this. She also looks at how the modesty message in some churches relates to the messages about lust. Read More →

Are you afraid of the big bad wolf?

This is my adorable grandpuppy.

I am not a dog whisperer.

As a small child, I was jumped on by a dog that either scratched or bit me. I don’t remember the experience itself—but I do know that was when I began to feel terrified of dogs.

After that, I avoided dogs. Other children would greet a dog and want to pet and kiss it; I tried to hide behind an adult and figure out an escape route. Thoughts and fears about the dog attacking me would sometimes stay with me for several days. Read More →

How do you deal with trespasses in your marriage?

Big Guy and I recently traveled to a planning retreat for the Christian Marriage Bloggers Association. (Thank you, Tom and Debi, for welcoming us into your home and provide such thoughtful hospitality!)

We drove from Wisconsin to North Carolina so we could enjoy the beautiful scenery and have some time to ourselves. As a woman who grew up in the Midwest and still lives there, I’ve found great beauty in the flat landscape—but I was still excited that I would see mountains. Read More →

Links to grow your marriage!

It’s time for a Loveliness of Links from May!

  1. 3 Essential Things You Need to Know About a Man’s Brain, Shaunti Feldhahn
  2. 3 Things Underneath Your Husband’s Desire for Sex, Shaunti Feldhahn
  3. 5 Simple Ways to Strengthen Your Marriage Today, Bonny’s OysterBed7
  4. Are You Making Your Spouse Your Savior? Messy Marriage
  5. Boundaries in Marriage: 5 Guidelines for Setting Limits with a Difficult Spouse, Intentional Today
  6. Communicating With, Darby Dugger
  7. Feelings vs. Truth, One Flesh Marriage
  8. Finally Kill the Never-Ending Cycle of the Grumpy Husband – Forever, Shaunti Feldhahn
  9. First Step to Confront with Grace – And Linkup, Messy Marriage
  10. A Great Sex Life Requires Effort, Hot, Holy & Humorous
  11. How Sex is Like Glue: The Emotional Connection of a Physical Bond, To Love, Honor, and Vacuum
  12. How to Feel Sexy this Summer (and Why It’s Worth the Effort!) Calm.Healthy.Sexy
  13. How’s Your Thought Life? The Generous Wife
  14. I’m Just Not In-Love with Him (Sexual Interest Masterclass), Bonny’s OysterBed7
  15. It’s Touching, Encourage Your Spouse
  16. Keep Watch Over Your Attitudes, The Generous Wife
  17. Leave Your Jammies in the Drawer, The Generous Wife
  18. Monday Date Night Prompts – Rendezvous, The Romantic Vineyard
  19. One Small Thing, The Generous Wife
  20. The Power of Touch, One Flesh Marriage
  21. Q&A with J: “I Can’t Really Seem to Get Into Sex” Hot, Holy & Humorous
  22. This Is What Happens When You Love Him Anyways, The Unveiled Wife
  23. Using a Blindfold during Sex, Hot, Holy & Humorous
  24. Wifey Wednesday: What Lens Do You See Your Husband Through? To Love, Honor, and Vacuum
  25. Your Part of the Equation, The Generous Wife

Is something wrong if your marriage is hard work?

I’m not a great knitter, but I do enjoy knitting. I find it calming (well, mostly), and it is deeply satisfying to complete a project, having transformed yarn into something else altogether.

I’ve written before about the process of working backward to fix a mistake. At times, the mistake is obvious and it’s just a matter of unknitting back to where I was and redoing it. Other times, I need to revisit the knitting pattern and reconfigure my approach to something. Either way, it can be discouraging at times. Read More →

Food can add some fun and sexy sensations.

Strengthen me with raisins,
refresh me with apples,
for I am faint with love.
Song of Songs 2:5

In the Song of Songs, the Bible gives us a vivid description of sexual intimacy.

This book shows us a sex life that includes all the senses—including taste. Read More →

How can you restore connection in your marriage?

For many years in my marriage, I felt disconnected from my husband.

For him, connection happened primarily through sex and also from us just being in each other’s presence. We could be watching a TV show together and not speaking at all, and he would still feel like we’d had a good connection.

For me to feel connected, I needed us to have conversations about meaningful things (not just the “business” of the family). I needed real face time. Conversation that happened during commercial breaks or when he was interested in sex didn’t do it for me. Read More →

We shouldn't dwell on the past, but we can learn from it to help us move forward.

I have spent much of my life thinking about the past, which isn’t always a good thing.

I’ve dragged heavy baggage around with me. I defined myself by my actions and experiences in the distant past. I judged my husband based on long-ago memories. Read More →

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