How can we pray for your husband?

Big Guy has had a difficult few months, with several challenging situations blasting into him, one thing after another with hardly a chance in between to breathe.

Although I do what I can to support and encourage him in practical ways, I know that he is the one who must do the heavy lifting in dealing with the challenges in front of him. Read More →

A post for the guys who comment here.

Now for something completely different . . .

Today I’d like to write to the men who read this blog.

Guys, I know there are a lot of you who read here. Many of you, sadly, are in marriages lacking in intimacy.

Read More →

Remember whose daughter you are.

A meme has been going around Facebook that has stuck in my mind:

“Whenever you feel overwhelmed, remember whose daughter you are and straighten your crown.”*

We, my friends, are daughters of the King. He created us to experience pleasure. He created us to experience joy. He created us to experience connection and unity with our husbands through sexual intimacy.

Yet sometimes we believe that we won’t—or can’t—ever enjoy sex with our husbands. Read More →

If you’ve ever wondered why your husband makes such a big deal out of your orgasm, you aren’t alone.

In fact, sometimes it may seem like he enjoys your orgasm even more than you do!

Last summer I asked husbands to complete a survey that consisted of one question:

What does it mean to you when your wife has an orgasm during sexual activity with you?

Fewer than 200 men responded to the survey, so this was a small sample size. It certainly wasn’t a scientific study. Still, what the men had to say is consistent with other comments I’d read and heard from husbands about their wives’ sexual pleasure. The responses didn’t surprise me. Read More →

It’s time for a Loveliness of Links from last month!

Just like a loveliness of ladybugs all working can help cultivate a healthy garden, a loveliness of blog posts can help you cultivate a healthy—and intimate—marriage.

Enjoy these great posts from March.
Links to grow your marriage!

Lovely Links

  1. 25 Reasons God Made Sex Real Good, Bonny’s OysterBed7
  2. 3 Ways to Improve Sex in Your Marriage Now, Intimacy in Marriage
  3. 4 Healing Ways to Pray for Your Marriage, Messy Marriage
  4. 4 Kinds of “Yeast” Your Marriage Needs, Calm.Healthy.Sexy.
  5. 5 Ways to Feel More Attractive – Beauty and Confidence for Real Women, Calm.Healthy.Sexy.
  6. 5 Ways to Love Your Husband Through Infertility, To Love, Honor & Vacuum
  7. 5 Ways to Treat Yourself Like a Friend – Self Care Strategies for Busy Women, Calm.Healthy.Sexy.
  8. Come to Me, Awaken-Love
  9. Finding God Outside the Walls of Marriage, Intentional Today
  10. His Choice for the Day, The Generous Wife
  11. It’s About the Heart, Awaken-Love
  12. More Time for Bedtime, The Generous Wife
  13. My Husband Isn’t Everything I Dreamed Of, Transformed Wife,
  14. Paying Attention to the Nudges, The Romantic Vineyard
  15. Q&A with J: Is It Possible to Have a Great Marriage (and Sex) Long Term? Hot, Holy & Humorous
  16. Solve the Stressors, The Generous Wife
  17. Stop “Hooking up” in Your Marriage, Authentic Intimacy
  18. The Beauty of a Crimson Stained Marriage, The Romantic Vineyard
  19. The High Maintenance Wife: Why She’s a Great Idea, Intentional Today
  20. What If God Really Meant For Us to Have Freedom in the Bedroom? To Love, Honor & Vacuum
  21. When You Don’t Know What to Pray for Your Marriage, Hot, Holy & Humorous
  22. While You’re Both Waiting – Love, Encourage Your Spouse

What becomes possible when you work on sex?

When wives begin the journey to change their approach to sex, they often see a tall mountain, seemingly unscalable.

The journey itself looks intimidating. How do you start? What does it actually mean to “work on sex”? How do you go about changing from “the way things have been” into . . . what, exactly? Is there a chance that any of this will ever make a difference?

I’d like to give you a small glimpse into what might be waiting for you when you travel this journey. Read More →

10 Questions for a Husband Who Doesn’t Like Questions

Paul at The Generous Husband recently wrote a post of questions a couple can ask each other—and he challenged other marriage bloggers to come with their own list of questions.

I love the idea of asking Big Guy questions that could develop into interesting conversations. Read More →

How can you respond if your husband reacts negatively when you say no to sex?

Big Guy would approach me for sex. My response was usually some variation of no—rolling my eyes, listing all the things I need to get done first, or just saying the word “no.”

Quite often, after my negative response I would start to think about the possibility of sex. I wonder why I don’t think about sex like he does? I like sex well enough once we’re doing it. Hmm. I suppose that if I could just wrap up this stuff I’m working on, I might be able to do it. I just need some transition time. If he would come ask me again right this minute, I might be able to manage a yes. Where is he, anyway? For a guy who seems to want sex so much, shouldn’t he be here with me, spending time with me and helping me?
Read More →

Links to help you grow your marriage!

It’s time for a Loveliness of Links from last month!

Just like a loveliness of ladybugs all working can help cultivate a healthy garden, a loveliness of blog posts can help you cultivate a healthy—and intimate—marriage.

Enjoy these great posts from February.

  1. 10 Ways to Make Your Marriage a Priority, To Love, Honor, & Vacuum
  2. Emotional Affair: Guarding Your Heart as a Wife, Intentional Today
  3. Enthusiastic Sex = Greater Intimacy, To Love, Honor, & Vacuum
  4. Frenulum Orgasm – A New Delight for Him, Awaken-Love
  5. How Slowing Your Heart Transforms Your Marriage, Messy Marriage
  6. How to Plan your Evening to Experience a Remarkable Day, Encourage Your Spouse
  7. Libido: Figuring Out My Sexuality As a Wife, Intentional Today
  8. Love – The Doing Leads to the Feeling, The Generous Wife
  9. Move Mismatched Sex Drives Toward Better, Bonny’s OysterBed7
  10. My Husband Isn’t My Best Friend, Authentic Intimacy
  11. Q&A with J: “My Husband Is Addicted to Porn,” Hot, Holy & Humorous
  12. Role Models: Letting Go of The Past So It Doesn’t Ruin Your Present, Intentional Today
  13. Say It Out Loud to Melt Your Beloved’s Heart, Bonny’s OysterBed7
  14. Sensual to Sexual, The Generous Wife
  15. What Makes You Feel Sexy? Hot, Holy & Humorous
  16. When Resentment is Killing Your Sexual Intimacy, Intimacy in Marriage
  17. Why Do I Never Want to Say Yes When My Husband Initiates Sex? To Love, Honor, & Vacuum
  18. Why We Need Sexual Discipleship, Phylicia Delta
  19. Why You Should Try This Sex Position, Hot, Holy & Humorous
  20. Willing to be Adventurous, One-Flesh Marriage

Does it help us to view a porn habit as an addiction?

I’d like to preface this post with a few notes:

  • I am not in any way claiming scientific expertise here. I’ve done a lot of reading and research, but one of my points is that research doesn’t measure everything. If you’re looking for links to scientific studies, you won’t find them here.
  • Many women have a porn problem, too. I’m not addressing that in this post, although if this applies to you, you might find some insight.
  • As I talk about husbands quitting porn, I am referring to men who have a persistent porn habit that they want to quit.

Pornography hurts marriages. Women have shared with me the heartache they’ve experienced upon discovering a husband’s porn habit. It is common to feel hurt and betrayed.

Our shared sex life is where we are most vulnerable with our husbands. It is where we are most naked.

That same vulnerability that can make sex such an exquisite, connecting experience is what opens us up to being deeply hurt when it comes to anything sexual, including porn. Read More →

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