Change of Address

Normally on the first Friday of each month I post a round-up of links to other blogs. I’ll get to that next week. Sort of.

The Forgiven Wife has been quiet lately.

Some of my quietness has been personal.

This year has been a struggle. I’ve been carrying burdens both large and small. I’ve had several big family things, some awful and some wonderful—lots of big emotions either way.

At some point I realized that my primary emotion most of the time has been Sad. I’ve been sad about an adult kid’s choices, my father-in-law’s health challenges, the crises faced by my friends and family, politics, the pandemic, and more. One day I decided that if I made a list of all the things I’m sad about, I could use the list to prompt me toward prayer and a reframing of what was on the list. In theory it’s a great idea—but my list has 83 items on it. That’s a lot to process, even if I don’t count the item where I’m sad that I have such a long Sad List. And when I’m sad, it’s harder to write and to tend to my own marriage.

But that isn’t the only thing that’s been going on.

My quietness here has also been about the ministry of this blog.

My mission has been clear and solid all along: to encourage Christian wives as they work to grow in their approach to sexual intimacy in their marriages. That mission has not changed.

However, for several years I’ve recognized that the name The Forgiven Wife is problematic. Every time I’ve recently sat down to think about writing a blog post, God’s response has been to nudge me to consider the blog name instead.

The name made sense when I started the blog. I was writing from my own experience. My husband had forgiven me for the hurt I’d caused him by my years-long avoidance of sex. God had forgiven me from the sins that were behind much of my sexual avoidance. Being forgiven was what helped me experience joy in sex in my marriage. It was from that vantage point that I wanted to encourage other wives—and I knew that it was a name that would help me stay on-mission rather than meander as much as I’m inclined to do.

But two problems have presented themselves enough that it is clear that I need to make a change.

First, the name The Forgiven Wife implies a message that I don’t want to send. That message is two-fold: refusing to have sex is a sin, and it is on the wife’s shoulders to fix things when sex isn’t working in a marriage. I do think both these things are true some of the time—but I don’t think it’s the case all of the time, or even most of the time.

That message is a big problem. It establishes a viewpoint that doesn’t reflect where my heart has ever been. When I write a post about how husbands might feel about a wife’s sexual struggles, I am never saying that the wife’s feelings don’t matter—yet for a new reader, the blog name might suggest a context that makes her read that message anyway.

The sad truth is that some women who would benefit from this blog won’t even read it because the name pushes them away. If the very name of my blog repels those who most need what I have to say, it doesn’t matter what I write or how I say it.

Second, the “forgiven” in my blog name points us backward, to look back at the past and what we’ve conquered. I think it is vital that we understand what led us to where we are and that we appreciate how far we’ve come. But it isn’t enough.

Reflection is helpful—but promise and hope are what encourage us onward. What can we look forward to? What can a sexually healthy marriage look like? What is comforting about it? What is sweet? What brings us joy?

God invites us to even more in our marriages, and it’s that invitation that summons us forward even as we come to understand what we are leaving behind.

In my quietness God has prompted me to reflect; He has extended an invitation.

I’m going to finally act on a decision that I began to make three or four years ago.

This will be my last post at The Forgiven Wife.

The Forgiven Wife won’t go away, at least not in the near future. The posts will still be here.

But this isn’t goodbye, my friends. It’s just a change of address notification.

I’m going to set up a new home at Honeycomb & Spice.

My mission of encouraging Christian wives will grow on the foundation of a name that invites and beckons us forward in our marriages.

I’d like to share part of the About page at Honeycomb & Spice:

The Song of Songs invites us to both sweetness and spice in our marriages. We see a man and a woman who enjoy sex with all their senses and who embrace the freedom of the marriage bed.

Maybe you enjoy lots of sexy and spicy sweetness already with your husband. Or perhaps you can barely imagine that sweetness might be possible for you.

Honeycomb & Spice is a place for us to encourage, support, and learn from other Christian wives as we grow in our sexual intimacy.

This ministry is named Honeycomb & Spice to always remind us of what God invites us to enjoy in sexual intimacy.

Honeycomb & Spice invites us to enjoy more in our marriages.

I began the Honeycomb & Spice website when I started my online community for Christian wives. So far the site has served only as a portal into the community.

Now it’s going to do more.

I plan to start blogging again, although I’ll take it a bit slowly as I bring myself back up to speed. Although the Honeycomb & Spice website is functional (I hope), I will be continuing construction behind the scenes.

I’ll gradually move over some of the posts from this blog, or at least provide links to them. I’ll continue to do a monthly round-up of links to introduce you to other blogs that might encourage you. (The December list will be posted next week at Honeycomb & Spice.)

I’m still deciding how to best manage social media. I currently have both Forgiven Wife and Honeycomb & Spice social media accounts. It will take me a while to figure out how to make the necessary changes while minimizing disruption to my followers. In the meantime, please follow me on the Honeycomb & Spice accounts linked at the end of this post.

I’ve known this is the right move for some time. But it’s hard, and not just because I don’t like change. I have loved The Forgiven Wife. It is where I have shaped my voice, connected with friends and business partners, and encouraged my own growth even as I’ve tried to encourage others. I’ve found God here, and I’ve found myself. Writing here has done more for me than it has for any reader. The header image includes the lilacs that I loved so much two homes ago. Part of my heart is grieving as I prepare to publish this post.

Creating this blog was an act of obedience to God’s call in my heart. That same call now requires me to move. So retiring this website gives me item #84 on my Sad List—and it’s also #1 on the Joyful List that I’m making myself begin.

Farewell and fare well, my friends. I hope to see you over at Honeycomb & Spice.

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