Spend time with God to put your to-do list in perspective.

Fall is often a busy time for women. If you have children, the school year has begun and your life is filled with activities and schoolwork. I’m already seeing Christmas products and memes that remind me it’s only 94 days until Christmas. Lots of bloggers are publishing posts to help you get ahead of the busyness that is on the way. Read More →

Whether we're talking ice cream or sex, vanilla is a great flavor.

We often people talk about “vanilla sex”—sex that is plain, the same every time, and not too spicy. Vanilla sex is “the usual.” It’s our go-to sexual activity—the usual location, the usual sequence of activities, and the usual sensations. Read More →

Difficult heart work can bring healing—and intimacy with God.

For a woman who resists and avoids sex, the prospect of making sexual changes is daunting. If sex were easy for her, she would have already figured it out, right?

She may have a pretty good idea what issues she’s going to have to face. Or maybe she has not idea. Either way, she knows it is going to be difficult and probably a little painful.

She may wonder if she can do the hard work. She wonders if it’s really worth the effort.

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Do one thing to move yourself toward the next step in your journey.

It is often said that the hardest step of a journey is the first one. While I think that is often true, it doesn’t mean the rest of the steps are easy!

Sometimes we find ourselves stuck. We may know what the next step is, but we find ourselves dragging our feet or unable to actually do what needs to be done. Read More →

Has your husband responded negatively to your efforts to work on sex?

For a full year after I began working on sex, the effort was hard and largely thankless. For six months, my husband didn’t really believe that my change was real. He thought it was a fluke. He was grateful for the change, but he didn’t even acknowledge what was happening.

For the second six months, he was a little angry and tested me. He had an attitude of, “If you were able to do this all along, why didn’t you do it earlier? Why did I have to suffer for so long?”

Because I had developed a heart of compassion for him and felt bad for how much I’d hurt him, I was willing to cling to God and persist throughout that year. Read More →

Ask others to pray for you to move forward in your marriage.

I want to begin by sharing with you something that has absolutely nothing to do with marriage. I’ll get around to talking about marriage at the end, though. I promise.

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How can i initiate when i don’t even want sex?

It can be frustrating to read articles and blog posts about sex sometimes.

Well-meaning writers give you all sorts of great suggestions for how to improve your sex life. The suggestions all sound good except for one important thing.

If you’re a woman who hardly ever wants sex, reading an article about improving your sex life is like reading about how to milk a cow when you’ve never even stepped foot on a farm.

It’s all nice in theory, but it just doesn’t seem to apply. Read More →

Emotion and relationship are at the heart of your husband’s sexual desire.

When we think of men talking about sex, the notion of locker room talk typically comes to mind: sexual details, guffaws, high fives, and the like.

At a retreat last month, I had the privilege of listening to five men—real and decent marriage-minded Christian husbands—talk about sex.

There were no crude comments. There were no high-fiving or waggling eyebrows or “I got me some of that” happening—and I’m pretty sure it wasn’t just because I was present.

When these five men talked about sex, they spoke of two things: emotion and relationship. Read More →

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