Has your husband responded negatively to your efforts to work on sex?

For a full year after I began working on sex, the effort was hard and largely thankless. For six months, my husband didn’t really believe that my change was real. He thought it was a fluke. He was grateful for the change, but he didn’t even acknowledge what was happening.

For the second six months, he was a little angry and tested me. He had an attitude of, “If you were able to do this all along, why didn’t you do it earlier? Why did I have to suffer for so long?”

Because I had developed a heart of compassion for him and felt bad for how much I’d hurt him, I was willing to cling to God and persist throughout that year. Read More →

Ask others to pray for you to move forward in your marriage.

I want to begin by sharing with you something that has absolutely nothing to do with marriage. I’ll get around to talking about marriage at the end, though. I promise.

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How can i initiate when i don’t even want sex?

It can be frustrating to read articles and blog posts about sex sometimes.

Well-meaning writers give you all sorts of great suggestions for how to improve your sex life. The suggestions all sound good except for one important thing.

If you’re a woman who hardly ever wants sex, reading an article about improving your sex life is like reading about how to milk a cow when you’ve never even stepped foot on a farm.

It’s all nice in theory, but it just doesn’t seem to apply. Read More →

Emotion and relationship are at the heart of your husband’s sexual desire.

When we think of men talking about sex, the notion of locker room talk typically comes to mind: sexual details, guffaws, high fives, and the like.

At a retreat last month, I had the privilege of listening to five men—real and decent marriage-minded Christian husbands—talk about sex.

There were no crude comments. There were no high-fiving or waggling eyebrows or “I got me some of that” happening—and I’m pretty sure it wasn’t just because I was present.

When these five men talked about sex, they spoke of two things: emotion and relationship. Read More →

Are you afraid of the big bad wolf?

This is my adorable grandpuppy.

I am not a dog whisperer.

As a small child, I was jumped on by a dog that either scratched or bit me. I don’t remember the experience itself—but I do know that was when I began to feel terrified of dogs.

After that, I avoided dogs. Other children would greet a dog and want to pet and kiss it; I tried to hide behind an adult and figure out an escape route. Thoughts and fears about the dog attacking me would sometimes stay with me for several days. Read More →

How do you deal with trespasses in your marriage?

Big Guy and I recently traveled to a planning retreat for the Christian Marriage Bloggers Association. (Thank you, Tom and Debi, for welcoming us into your home and provide such thoughtful hospitality!)

We drove from Wisconsin to North Carolina so we could enjoy the beautiful scenery and have some time to ourselves. As a woman who grew up in the Midwest and still lives there, I’ve found great beauty in the flat landscape—but I was still excited that I would see mountains. Read More →

Is something wrong if your marriage is hard work?

I’m not a great knitter, but I do enjoy knitting. I find it calming (well, mostly), and it is deeply satisfying to complete a project, having transformed yarn into something else altogether.

I’ve written before about the process of working backward to fix a mistake. At times, the mistake is obvious and it’s just a matter of unknitting back to where I was and redoing it. Other times, I need to revisit the knitting pattern and reconfigure my approach to something. Either way, it can be discouraging at times. Read More →

How can you restore connection in your marriage?

For many years in my marriage, I felt disconnected from my husband.

For him, connection happened primarily through sex and also from us just being in each other’s presence. We could be watching a TV show together and not speaking at all, and he would still feel like we’d had a good connection.

For me to feel connected, I needed us to have conversations about meaningful things (not just the “business” of the family). I needed real face time. Conversation that happened during commercial breaks or when he was interested in sex didn’t do it for me. Read More →

We shouldn't dwell on the past, but we can learn from it to help us move forward.

I have spent much of my life thinking about the past, which isn’t always a good thing.

I’ve dragged heavy baggage around with me. I defined myself by my actions and experiences in the distant past. I judged my husband based on long-ago memories. Read More →

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