Today’s post is from Dr. Swtfeet, who shares with us about her husband’s interest in her feet and how that has become something she enjoys as much as he does. She shows us how being open-minded can open up new routes to intimacy and pleasure for her as well as for him. Learning to step outside her comfort zone (barefoot, of course) opened an unexpected and new world of pleasure for her.
Early in our marriage I started to notice that my husband was always willing to massage my feet and always commenting on my pedicures. After a while it was rather easy to tell that he was getting excited when he would massage my feet. Later on he would make cute comments about my feet when I walked around the house barefoot, which was most of the time since I hate wearing shoes. Then I started to notice that he wasn’t too crazy about me walking outside barefoot. I don’t remember exactly how we started talking about my feet and his affection for them, but eventually it became clear that we needed to.
We eventually started having the first of many conversations about his attraction to my feet, but to be honest, I don’t remember how the first one started or who started it. I had taken quite a few psychology classes in high school and College, so I had learned some things about foot fetishes and other body part fetishes and partialisms. After taking many of those classes, I had come to the correct conclusion that there was nothing wrong with a fetish or partialism as long as it didn’t hurt either partner.
When my husband first told me that he had a foot fetish, my first reaction was, “okay, no problem. I don’t mind.” Like I said, I knew that fetishes and partialisms were fine as long as it both partners were okay with it, but I soon realized that there were many activities that I would have to get comfortable with. One of these was giving him a footjob to completion. I soon learned that I just wasn’t quite comfortable yet with him climaxing on my feet. During the first few times I tried giving my husband a footjob, just before he reached his climax, I would try to pull my feet away. This was frustrating for him for obvious reasons. After a few unsuccessful attempts, we talked about it and how it wasn’t satisfying his needs but also how we could change things so that I could work on getting comfortable with it. After these open and honest discussions, we decided that the compromise would be for him to wear a condom while I performed the footjob. That worked great for a while and soon my husband was enjoying my feet while I started to get comfortable with the notion of feet for sex. After a few months, my comfort level had risen so significantly that eventually I stopped asking him to wear the condom and allowed him to climax on my feet every time. Both of us were happy with this outcome, especially my husband.
At first, I gave my husband a footjob as a special thank you for an awesome foot massage. It was also a unique way to be close to him and satisfy his need for foot attention. If I wasn’t up for sex that night, giving him a footjob was a perfect way to take care of his needs. Then as our foot activities evolved, I started to discover that I craved giving him a footjob as much as he did. My comfort level soon rose so much that if I went for a period of time without using my feet, I started to crave giving him a footjob. Eventually, I came to realize that I was just as much into involving my feet as he was and I also yearned for him to lavish his attention onto my feet.
I am and always have been a very open minded person. To prepare myself, I would just remind myself that it was something special that only I could give my husband. I really didn’t think about what I was doing to prepare for it, instead I just wanted to do it because I loved my husband more than anything and I wanted to please him. And like I said before, he would always give me an exceptionally great foot massage either before or after our special ‘foot’ time, so as far as I was concerned it was a mutually satisfying experience.
Our marriage is a lot stronger since we have incorporated my feet into our sex life. Footjobs were our bedroom activity of choice when I was pregnant with our 3 kids since there were many times that I was just too uncomfortable to have traditional sex. But with footjobs and foot sex, I could still have that intimate closeness with my husband while I was pregnant. When my husband suffered through some medical issues, there were times when traditional sex was just not possible. Again Foot sex was a good alternative and it kept our sex life very active. I also came to believe that involving my feet in our sex life was a close bond that only the both of us knew that we had. It was like giving my husband my virginity, but it was only something that I could give my husband and it was our special secret.
Now many years later, if my husband hits the right spot on my feet during a footjob or foot sex, I am likely to get an orgasm from it as well. The sensation of rubbing my feet or parts of my feet on him ushers in a bond that you can’t get any other way but through intercourse
Over the years, my husband and I have quite a bit of research on foot fetishes and foot partialisms. It surprised me how deeply rooted in ancient history foot fetishism was and I was also surprised to learn that there are over 7000 nerve endings in each foot and I believe that foot sex helps stimulate those nerve endings.
I personally think that if your husband is attracted to your feet you can only strengthen your marital bond by trying to satisfy him and as I have shown, it will also benefit you. Ultimately, we took it slow, communicated and researched it together. I am happy to report that there are a lot of different ways to give your spouse a footjob and many ways to involve feet in your sex life. You merely have to be willing open your mind and take off your shoes!
Image courtesy of radnatt at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
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First thanks for being brave enough to post this. Expect some negative comments.
The author gives the well established physiologic answer to fetishes and partialisms, but what is the biblical answer? I don’t know, but here are a few thoughts. I’d love to see a real discussion of this here.
Personally I have always had less concern about partialisms, as they do involve a part of the partner’s body.
It could be argued that many men have a breast fetish, but that is more “accepted” than a foot fetish. I’ve seen several “experts” suggest that most of the people in the USofA (male AND FEMALE) have what amounts to a fetish with the female breasts.
I think part of the equation is how important and exclusive the fetishes or partialisms is. If a man is unwilling or unable to have sex apart from his wife’s feet, is he cheating her out of what she needs?
To me, the first step in considering an activity is to look at whether something is prohibited by God’s word. If it is not prohibited, the next step is to consider whether an activity will add to a couple’s intimacy or take away from it. In this case, I see a deepening of intimacy, with neither spouse sacrificing pleasure for the other. If a husband were unable to have sex without his wife’s feet involved, then it might be a problem–although if that met her needs as well, maybe not?
I agree with you on both points.
Certainly there is no specific prohibition. I have heard some “explain” why such things are contrary to the Bible, but I’ve never heard an explanation that is hermeneutically sound.
I think it is going to look different for different couples. What is each comfortable with, what does each feel they need, where is each willing to stretch, and where is each unwilling to go.
Biblical? Really? I though that in this day and age we had gotten over this one. But I for one think that we keep getting hit over the head with stereo-types and conservatism and we end up throwing a rule book into the bedroom with a big red ‘x’ marked over her feet. This seems really uneducated when an estimated 2-5% of the human population, both male and female alike have some type of predilection for feet. So if we question it from a biblical route are we then saying that these millions of people who are unique due to a sexual cue as adolescents or cross wiring in the somatosensory cortex are sinful even though this is how the creator made them? Again this seems to go against the very nature of what we have been taught. And finally addressing the issue with the analogy of the stereo-typical out of control male who can’t get satisfaction without her feet is rather over played here. Again, on the blog, you will find women who have orgasm difficulties until their husband stimulates their feet in a sexual manner. Is she cheating her husband out of anything if he has to give her a reflexology massage or nibble on her toes prior to intercourse? I dare say not. The general rule of thumb and gauge for success on the blog is about mutual enjoyment. If that rule is upheld then it shouldn’t be locked out of the bedroom because we can’t get over it. This is really what comfort zones are about now aren’t they?
“The general rule of thumb and gauge for success on the blog is about mutual enjoyment. If that rule is upheld then it shouldn’t be locked out of the bedroom because we can’t get over it. ”
Nicely put! If both people enjoy the activity, it builds intimacy, and it doesn’t violate God’s law, then rejoice that you get to enjoy more of each other’s bodies than the rest of us choose to. The entire body is a marital playground.
A lot of folks try to live their lives biblically, and that includes their sex lives.
I did not, you will note, say it was wrong. That is my knee jerk reaction, but I have learned that such things are often more about what I was taught than what is true.
I was, as I indicated, looking for a civil discussion.
None of the stories shared in this series are about acts prohibited in the Bible.
That’s exactly what this whole “step outside your comfort zone” series is about. Those knee-jerk reactions keep many women from being willing to step outside their comfort zones. These women have opened their hearts to share the processes they’ve used to grow past these initial reactions to find loving ways to learn new ways of enjoying mutual pleasure with their husbands.
The specific activities in this series aren’t the stars of the show, so to speak. Instead, the stars are the women who have chosen to move past their initial feelings. Last week, a woman who had been convicted of the sin of her refusal found a way to become comfortable with her husband seeing her naked body. Today, we have a woman who was willing to keep working at something until she reached a comfort level that provided her with pleasure as well. Next week, we will hear from a woman who shows us how she moved past an aversion to anal sex and her husband’s pornography stash to build a new level of intimacy in their marriage. The following weeks will invite us into the hearts of a woman who reclaimed full nakedness with her husband and another who found courage for videotape and light bondage.
Every one of these women is a shining example of a woman who has made a decision to be generous and courageous in helping to deepen the intimacy of her marriage. While initially responding to their husbands’ desires, they have been rewarded as well in pleasure and intimacy.
And I think therein lies the problem; Too many times people are taught something that is contrary to what really is Biblical and they use this as an excuse to stunt personal growth. Or they simply have a knee jerk reaction to something that falls into one of those areas such as ‘Not the norm’, or now as we call it, ‘Not so common’ even though there are just as many people engaging in those activities in their marriage beds as other activities. We need to stop using labels and we need to accept people for how they were created…
I am with you 100%, and I have fought this battle for over a decade on-line. As one who wants others to rethink and get outside their boxes of man’s traditions I have learned a lot about effective and ineffective ways of encourage those changes. I would honestly like to see people examine what they have been taught and dump what is not of God, but I understand that how we go about that matters a great deal.
Do have a blog with more info on this?
If you click on Dr. Sole’s name, you will link to the blog. You will need to request an invitation to view it.
I say, Go for it. 🙂
He likes it, she likes it, and God hasn’t said otherwise? Then go for it.
WORK. IT.
(1 Peter 3:1-2 – …Married women, adapt yourselves to your OWN husband…adore him… deeply love… and ENJOY your husband. – {Amplified Bible} ).
Amen!
I love this comment!
Could you talk about giving handjobs wondering what it’s like for a woman perspective
I may write a post about it some day. We’ll see!
What to do if my husband’s foot fetish grosses me out? I’ve never had inhibitions about sex at all until after a few years of being married and realizing I hated having my toes sucked on during sex. I was open to anything but found I just don’t like it. This issue has become emotionally painful and sexually frustrating for both of us. Now what???
I’m sorry you’re in this frustrating situation. All I can think of is to seek a compromise of sorts. For instance, you could promise that the second and fourth weekend of every month you will have sex that is focused on your husband’s desires. He can suck on your toes as much as he likes. During the rest of the month, though, he can agree not to bring it up, so you can relax and enjoy sex without concern that he will suggest this activity.
I asked the guest writer to weigh in, and here is what she suggests:
“Wearing either hosiery or tights to minimize the sensations at first might help with desensitizing the area. Some women are just naturally over-sensitive in that particular zone and starting off with some type of hosiery or tights my help that.”
Thanks so much Chris, your first suggestion was brilliant, I’ve never thought of that, and we are both hopeful to try it. I don’t like wearing tights/stockings, so I don’t think that will be helpful for me, but so thankful for the guest writer’s article. I’m so thankful I found your website