Do you remember the first time you saw an erect penis? I do. I thought, “That thing is huge! No way is it going to fit. No way at all.”

Amazingly, it did fit. A woman’s body adjusts to accommodate it. The back end of the vagina expands, making the vagina somewhat enlarged. The uterus shifts position a bit. The vaginal walls secrete lubrication. As the penis enters, a woman can shift, relax, and tilt to accommodate full penetration. A woman who isn’t used to it may find it uncomfortable at first. Sometimes it may be difficult to accomplish without the assistance of artificial lubrication. As we relax and accept the reality of the penis, our bodies simply adjust. The erect penis is large, and our bodies adjust in order to fit it in.

Why is it so hard to fit sex into our lives?

I recently received an email from a woman who asked me, “How on earth can you fit it into your schedule?” Our lives become overtaken by so much: parenting, medical appointments, church services, bills, household maintenance, pet care, child care, work commitments, home schooling, cooking dinner, laundry, soccer practice, choir practice, car repairs, grocery shopping, etc., etc., etc. How on earth can you fit sex into your life when you have so much going on?

A common demonstration illustrates the answer using rocks, pebbles, and sand. The presenter brings out a jar and some rocks, pebbles, and sand. If you fill the jar with sand first, there will be no room for the pebbles and definitely no room for the rocks. However, when you place the large rocks in first, things simply adjust. Place the rocks in the jar, and then add the pebbles; they will settle down into the spaces between the rocks. Finally, pour in the sand, which will fill in the spaces between the pebbles. You can fit it all in–but only if you begin with the big pieces.

The jar represents your life. The rocks are the big things–your relationship with God, your marriage, and your children. The marriage is the foundation of the family (not the children), so take care of your marriage first–and part of taking care of your marriage is understanding what the rocks are in the jar called marriage. The small things that so easily overtake our lives? They are just pebbles and sand. Sex is a big deal in marriage.

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife. ~ Genesis 2:24

What makes a marriage a marriage (and not just a roommate relationship) is the joining of flesh. Sex is a big deal.

Sex is a rock.

Sex needs to fit into your marriage and into your life before the small things are fit in. It should be a priority in your marriage, not an afterthought that you get to only when you have some free time–because really, when is that ever going to happen?

How do you fit it in? You just do. Just like an erect penis seems far too big to fit into a vagina, sex can seem too big to fit into life. Yet it fits anyway. Your vagina will adjust to accommodate your husband’s penis, and your life will adjust to accommodate sex. It may be uncomfortable, and sometimes you may need a little assistance, but it can fit.

Don’t let the pebbles and sand run your life. Make sex a priority. Your life will adjust to accommodate.

When you’re looking at all the things that need to fit into your jar of life, just remember . . .

. . . sex is a rock.

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20 Thoughts on “Sex Is a Rock

  1. The rocks, pebbles, and sand are a very good illustration…we could even pour some water in if we need to. Thanks for the word picture.

  2. Amen! This is so very true.

  3. I have to admit I really wondered where you were going when I read the first sentence, lol. But, as usual, you cleverly tied it all together!

    • Then you should be glad I didn’t go with my original title, which was “Fitting It In.”

      • trixie1466 on October 2, 2013 at 4:34 pm said:

        “Then you should be glad I didn’t go with my original title, which was “Fitting It In.”

        As a public service you really ought to warn us when you’re going say something that funny. We should have a chance to use the ladies room before we laugh that hard

  4. The rock, pebble, sand analogy is perfect.

  5. Excellent analogy and so true!

  6. This most recent season of our lives has been the hardest, and yet the first season in which I’ve made sex a rock, instead of the water. With a busy 2 yr old, and a reflux baby who only slept 45 min at a time for the first 9 months of her life- you’d think sex would be darn near impossible. But I did make it a rock- and that closeness, in spite of unbelievable exhaustion for both of us, has led my husband to say this has been the best year of our marriage. 🙂 It was worth fitting in. And I discovered it’s a great escape for me- to be a wife and let the post partum depressed, bone-numbing tired motherhood go for a bit! I wasn’t going to get any sleep anyway- may as well have sex!

  7. Excellent post! As a man, I found your illustration a perfect way to highlight the importance of physical intimacy in a marriage. I’ll have to use this sometime in the future.

  8. Isn’t it funny that we rarely question where we will fit in another church service, soccer practice, or commitment for someone or something other than our spouse? That seems normal, when it is absolutely destructive.

    Wonder what the correlation is between those trying to “fit in” (nice word play above) sex and achieving intimacy daily intimacy with God.

  9. Oh How I love your honesty! This is a great analogy and so very true! If we make time for anything in our marriage, it should be sex!

  10. Wow, we wrote on the same topic, but yours is far more eloquent. Mine just sounds like a rant in comparison.

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  13. IntimacySeeker on April 2, 2014 at 10:37 am said:

    I can’t help but compare this with the way some folks approach their giving. If they give what is leftover after paying bills and meeting obligations, they are missing God’s intention for spiritual growth through tithing. Stewardship means to care for and tend God’s gifts. This certainly applies to our marriages and intimacy with our spouses.

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