Sexuality is inherent to a man’s sense of self.

This is the first in a series of posts in which I discuss six points husbands have expressed about the lack of sexual intimacy in their marriages. I first discussed these points in this post several years ago. Please read the introduction to this series here for background and a list of caveats.

This post discusses the first point: Sexuality is inherent to a man’s sense of self.

~~~ Read More →

Love has to start somewhere, so why not start with your husband?

I just returned from my family’s annual campout in the UP. While we are not entirely off-grid there, cell phone reception is spotty and depends on the whim of the wind.

We got only bits and pieces of the news from Charlottesville, Virginia. We got just enough information to start an argument between two of my family members. Funny, isn’t it? News about the lack of love on a large societal scale prompted a lack of loving behavior on a smaller scale in a family. Read More →

Do one thing to move yourself toward the next step in your journey.

It is often said that the hardest step of a journey is the first one. While I think that is often true, it doesn’t mean the rest of the steps are easy!

Sometimes we find ourselves stuck. We may know what the next step is, but we find ourselves dragging our feet or unable to actually do what needs to be done. Read More →

Emotion and relationship are at the heart of your husband’s sexual desire.

When we think of men talking about sex, the notion of locker room talk typically comes to mind: sexual details, guffaws, high fives, and the like.

At a retreat last month, I had the privilege of listening to five men—real and decent marriage-minded Christian husbands—talk about sex.

There were no crude comments. There were no high-fiving or waggling eyebrows or “I got me some of that” happening—and I’m pretty sure it wasn’t just because I was present.

When these five men talked about sex, they spoke of two things: emotion and relationship. Read More →

Are you afraid of the big bad wolf?

This is my adorable grandpuppy.

I am not a dog whisperer.

As a small child, I was jumped on by a dog that either scratched or bit me. I don’t remember the experience itself—but I do know that was when I began to feel terrified of dogs.

After that, I avoided dogs. Other children would greet a dog and want to pet and kiss it; I tried to hide behind an adult and figure out an escape route. Thoughts and fears about the dog attacking me would sometimes stay with me for several days. Read More →

How can you move from insecurity to authenticity in your marriage?

 

When you are full of insecurity and have low self-esteem, it isn’t easy to do what is necessary to have a healthy, functional marriage.

Vulnerability is incredibly difficult. It means that you are letting someone see into your feelings of insecurity and into your belief that you aren’t valuable or lovable. It is like inviting someone into the place where you are least protected and handing them the most damaging weapon. Read More →

Remember whose daughter you are.

A meme has been going around Facebook that has stuck in my mind:

“Whenever you feel overwhelmed, remember whose daughter you are and straighten your crown.”*

We, my friends, are daughters of the King. He created us to experience pleasure. He created us to experience joy. He created us to experience connection and unity with our husbands through sexual intimacy.

Yet sometimes we believe that we won’t—or can’t—ever enjoy sex with our husbands. Read More →

How can you respond if your husband reacts negatively when you say no to sex?

Big Guy would approach me for sex. My response was usually some variation of no—rolling my eyes, listing all the things I need to get done first, or just saying the word “no.”

Quite often, after my negative response I would start to think about the possibility of sex. I wonder why I don’t think about sex like he does? I like sex well enough once we’re doing it. Hmm. I suppose that if I could just wrap up this stuff I’m working on, I might be able to do it. I just need some transition time. If he would come ask me again right this minute, I might be able to manage a yes. Where is he, anyway? For a guy who seems to want sex so much, shouldn’t he be here with me, spending time with me and helping me?
Read More →

Post Navigation