Awaken Love

Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.
Song of Songs 2:7, 3:5, and 8:4

Before I committed to working on sex, I knew that sex was an area where I struggled. I occasionally looked for something that would help me want to have sex.

Quite a few resources focused on my duty according to 1 Corinthians 7, telling me I was defrauding my husband and that he had authority over my body. Other sources gushed about how wonderful sex was for women, with no suggestions for how to begin to believe that.

So basically, I encountered either guilt about how I was failing as a wife or dejection because I clearly must be defective if enjoying sex was supposed to be easy and fun.

Plenty of writers were willing to tell me I was wrong or “off.” Not a single source seemed to acknowledge what I saw as my reality: I had been hurt by emotional disconnection, and I carried lots of baggage that weighed me down.

It wasn’t possible to flip a switch and suddenly not feel hurt by disconnection or burdened by baggage. I had no idea how to not let my hurt and burdens get in the way of my desire for sex.

As far as I could see, I was the only woman who struggled to want to have sex with her husband.

I had no clue how to move forward.

I felt all alone.

The Bible says not to awaken love until the right time, but when the time is right, how do you do it?

This experience—my isolation and lack of resources telling me how to make changes—is why I write this blog the way I do.

I share my thoughts and feelings because I want to make sure that my readers know that I am not just giving lip service to the words “I know it’s hard.” I want women to see that I really do get it. I write a lot about the process of growth—the steps, the stumbles, and the successes—in order to give women some ideas about how to move forward.

My heart is especially tender toward women who have struggled with sex for a long time—because I was one of them.

Awaken Love, a brand new book

When I look at other sexuality resources for Christian women, I see through the eyes of a woman who struggled with sex for a long time. When I see something that would have helped me when I was having such a hard time, I want to share it with you.

I have such a resource to share with you today. (Note: The links are all affiliate links that give me a small commission.)

Ruth Buezis, who writes at Awaken-Love, has written an incredibly good and encouraging book:

Awaken Love: The Truth About Sex that will Transform Your Marriage.

This book does the two things that I couldn’t find when I began search for help: it shows that we are not alone, and it gives us specific steps to take to make changes.

Ruth shares the story of how she came to embrace sex within her own marriage and how she then went on to develop a Christian sex class for women. As she walks us through her journey, she brings in the voices of women in her classes. For any woman who feels alone in her struggles with sex, this can be such an encouragement.

There’s lots of practical advice, too. Ruth encourages her readers to take action steps throughout the book, and she gives lots of clear and descriptive steps regarding sexual positions and activity.

The book asks us all to take an honest look at our own views of sex and sexuality. In the chapter on finding wholeness, Ruth suggests that we write out a personal sexual history that includes messages about sex, play during childhood, and dating experiences. I did this, and it was eye-opening. I was able to see the beginnings of the sense of sexual shame I carried for so long. Seeing certain events in the context of my entire sexual history gave me a new and profound perspective on my past.

Ruth’s gentle transparency invites, encourages, and inspires her readers to embrace the joys of the marriage bed.

It is exactly the kind of book I wish I’d had when I first began to look for help.