Does it help us to view a porn habit as an addiction?

I’d like to preface this post with a few notes:

  • I am not in any way claiming scientific expertise here. I’ve done a lot of reading and research, but one of my points is that research doesn’t measure everything. If you’re looking for links to scientific studies, you won’t find them here.
  • Many women have a porn problem, too. I’m not addressing that in this post, although if this applies to you, you might find some insight.
  • As I talk about husbands quitting porn, I am referring to men who have a persistent porn habit that they want to quit.

Pornography hurts marriages. Women have shared with me the heartache they’ve experienced upon discovering a husband’s porn habit. It is common to feel hurt and betrayed.

Our shared sex life is where we are most vulnerable with our husbands. It is where we are most naked.

That same vulnerability that can make sex such an exquisite, connecting experience is what opens us up to being deeply hurt when it comes to anything sexual, including porn. Read More →

Is it okay for a Christian wife to enjoy sex?

Sexual intimacy is about so much more than just the physical pleasure—but sometimes we diminish the value of this pleasure just because it is physical.

God designed us to experience sexual enjoyment. With over 8,000 nerve endings, the clitoris exists only for sexual pleasure.

Despite God’s clear intention for us to experience sexual pleasure, many women struggle to fully enjoy the physical pleasure that comes with sex. (I am not talking here about struggling to experience an orgasm, which I’ve written about here.)
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A good Christian marriage is like this red umbrella.

Photo by Kate Aldrich Photography

I loved this picture the first time I saw it because the red umbrella in this picture makes me think of a good Christian marriage.

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Are you and your husband a comfort to each other?

“I need you,” he said, holding me for a good long while so I could do the crying I needed to. “I need you.” He walked me to the bedroom. “I need you, too,” I whispered, although I don’t know if he heard me.

I need you. Read More →

 What does the word “foreplay” say?

There is a word I dislike, and it starts with F. You might say that it’s my least favorite f-word.

Foreplay. Read More →

What can happen when you help heal your husband’s heart?

In Lessons from a Wife’s Heart, I said I wanted to share three lessons for wives that arose from a series of posts addressed to men at The Curmudgeonly Librarian:

  • Conquer your complacency.
  • Deal with your feelings.
  • Care for your husband’s heart.

These were hard lessons for me to learn in my own journey to restored sexual intimacy—maybe because they are the three most important things I did.

Every one of these things was necessary in healing my own heart as well as my marriage. I’ve written about the first two lessons here and here.

I’ve put off writing about the last one, but a message sent to me today reminded me how critical this is.

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A wife who uses her strong will for her husband and her marriage is a blessing.
When our dating relationship got serious, Big Guy began to make jokes about what he referred to as the Taylor Curse: Taylor men marry strong-willed women.

Who wants to be viewed as a curse? “It isn’t the Taylor Curse,” I would say. “It’s the Taylor Blessing.” Read More →

How can you move past minor emotional hurt in order to restore sexual intimacy?

When my relationship with Big Guy is good, sex can be easy. If we’ve connected in ways that are meaningful to me, if he’s given me a glimpse into his heart, or if we’ve just shared a positive experience, sex can flow naturally from that and I’m all on board.

Sometimes, though, our relationship has hiccups. Sex isn’t so easy then. Read More →

I resisted change for so many years. Once I stopped fighting, my life got so much better.

He wanted me to change everything. I easily became anxious. I put things off. I was a know-it-all (even when it came to what he was thinking). I was controlling. He frequently complained about these things—yet the biggest complaint of all was about the lack of sexual intimacy in our marriage.

It never made sense. My husband was the one who was unhappy with our sex life, yet he expected me to be the one to change.
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Does a husband really value the emotional connection and his wife’s pleasure as much as he does his own orgasm?

For so many years of our marriage, I thought my husband valued me only for sex.

He would tell me I was beautiful, say that he loved me, and hold me when I cried . . . and I thought it was just so he could have sex. After all, it seemed that he paid attention to me the most right before he asked for sex. Read More →

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