Don't fear transformation in your marriage.

A caterpillar has its own charm, but God’s desire is for that caterpillar to experience a transformation and become a butterfly.

I doubt that the caterpillar knows to expect a transformation, but it does know to do the task it faces: spin the cocoon that allows the transformation to occur.

It emerges, with a brand new beauty and wings to fly.

I’ve been thinking about butterflies this week. Butterflies and death.

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What drives his sex drive?

I used to think that for my husband, sex was physical. All he really wanted from it was an orgasm—and all he wanted me for was sex. Because I thought his sex drive was all orgasm-focused, I didn’t understand why he made such a big deal out of it if I didn’t want to have sex. I figured he could just go take care of it himself.

What I wanted most was for him to value me for me, not just for sex. Read More →


Note: In this post, I will be discussing emotional safety and healing. If you are being emotionally abused, or if you fear for your physical safety because of physical abuse or the threat of it, please seek help and support as soon as possible. What I am writing about here does not apply to you. 


I’ve been writing about the walls we build to help us feel emotionally safe in our marriages. I’ve written about how and why we build those walls, the importance of forgiveness in freeing our hearts of bitterness, and tools we can use as we work to tear down our emotional walls.

Today I would like to write about the other side of the wall. Read More →

Are you ready to free yourself of your emotional clutter?

We are getting ready to move, and it’s easy for me to feel overwhelmed. We’ve lived in this house for fourteen years, and I find it really hard to get rid of things. I have way too much stuff—some of it stuff I’m sentimentally attached to and other things that I hang onto “just in case.”

Although I’ve gone through bits and pieces of piles and boxes, I haven’t done been consistent about it (despite the good intentions I had when I wrote this post). I’m not a hoarder—but I can definitely understand how the hoarding habit develops. I do try to keep things contained, but when you have too much stuff, it seems to ooze out. Read More →

Sex should not be based on a male paradigm.

God designed sex to be for both husband and wife. He designed both of us to experience sexual desire and pleasure, and He designed sex to unite us in a way nothing else can.

Starting with your husband's needs can lead to the sex life God designed you to have.

Men and women have different sexual experiences. We don’t experience arousal in exactly the same way. Orgasm is different for us. We experience sex with bodies that function differently and brains that aren’t exactly the same. Read More →


It’s the last week in October. That means it’s time for the last CMBA_challenge_14installment of the Words of Wisdom blog challenge from the Christian Marriage Bloggers Association.

This last week asks us to write a post about words of wisdom and encouragement from books and blogs.

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After I came to the realization that my husband was suffering as a result of my approach to sexual intimacy, I began to work on my words and actions related to sex.

The real change, though, wasn’t in anything my husband could see. Read More →


Many women acknowledge that they have “control issues.” Maybe they were required to suppress their emotions in childhood. Maybe they grew up in a family with out-of-control behavior. Maybe they are in a season of life with a lot of struggles and they need to feel like the bottom isn’t falling out of everything. Maybe they just like to be in charge (that would be me). Read More →


A recent conversation with a friend reminded me of how overwhelming it can be to face the need to work on sexual intimacy in our marriages.

When we are in a habit of withholding sex from our husbands—no matter why the habit began or whether we’ve even been aware of it—the challenge can be daunting. Read More →

When my twins were pre-teens, they came home from a school field trip one day, completely exhausted. They lay down on the couch, heads at opposite ends, and fell asleep. I watched in fascination over the course of the next couple hours. One of them would roll over or move a limb in some way—and the other one, still sound asleep, would adjust in response. My boy-girl twins, about as different as twins can be, held within their bodies a memory of how to adjust to the other one. Their shared months in utero laid down a pattern of how to be together and adapt. Their movements echoed the life and space they had shared so intimately all those years ago. They were two individuals, operating in concert with each other. Read More →


Cabin fever got to me this morning. Our family has had a series of vehicle repairs over the past two months, so my car has often been in use by one of my sons. It’s been cold, snowy, and icy, which makes it hard to go on walks. I haven’t had any place to go other than church and the grocery store, so I’ve become something of a hermit. I’ve been trapped in my house, with nothing much changing from day to day.

This morning, it was too much to take. I needed to get out of my house. I needed to move my body. I needed to soak in some sunshine. And I really needed to spend some time with God outside my house. Read More →

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