My beloved is radiant and ruddy . . . Song of Solomon 5:10
From childhood, boys are fascinated by their penises. Even before they are aware of their sexuality, touching the penis feels good. The penis is interesting. It can do stuff, and sometimes it seems to have a mind of its own.
Your husband’s penis is the most male part of his body. He loves it, and he wants you to love it, too.
Many of us who’ve resisted sex have avoided the penis. I didn’t want to touch my husband’s penis for fear that he might develop expectations that I would do it all the time. Like many men, my husband felt my unwillingness to touch or even look at his penis as a rejection of him as a man and as a person.
My efforts to work on sex included getting comfortable with his penis. I rightly suspected that accepting his penis would go a long way in helping him start to believe that I loved him and was trying to make some changes.
So, friends, I’d like to encourage you to spend some time exploring your husband’s penis this weekend.
Be prepared. If you haven’t spent much time getting to know his genitals, you might find it helpful to look at The Male Genitals page on The Marriage Bed site. The site has sketches and descriptions to help you better understand how your husband is put together.
Talk with your husband ahead of time. Tell him that you’d like to spend some time getting to know his penis better.
Ask if he will agree to some ground rules for your exploration that will help you be more comfortable and focus on him. For instance, if you would prefer that he not touch you sexually while you’re exploring, say so. If oral sex has been a bone of contention in your marriage, ask him to agree not to ask for it during this session. Remind him that the ground rules are just for this session to help you become comfortable touching his penis.
Promise him that the two of you will have sex when you are done exploring. (Be sure to follow through with his promise, too!)
Find a time when you can be interrupted and when you have good light.
Get your husband ready. Ask him to take a good shower, and then help him get comfortable on the bed or couch. Prop him up with pillows, with his legs apart so you can access everything. If you’re comfortable with him watching your exploration, place a mirror in a spot where he can see more easily.
Get yourself comfortable, too. Sit or lie down between his legs or at his side. You want to be where you can see close-up and use your hands to explore.
It’s time to find out what your man is made of.
Truly explore. Examine all his parts and how they are put together. Stroke up and down. Lift. Note the different parts of the penis—the shaft, the head, the opening, the underside, etc. Explore his scrotum in the same way. And what about his pubic region? How far away from his genitals can you be and still arouse him?
Use different kinds of touches. Start with a light touch, using your fingers to lightly trace his genitals. Move on to a firmer touch. Stroke a little. Grasp a little. Breathe on his genitals. Maybe even kiss and lick a little.
The point of this is for you to learn, so pay close attention to what you see and feel.
How do the parts all feel? How do they respond to your touch? How does your husband respond? How does the skin feel? What skin is soft? What isn’t?
Your husband will probably get very aroused—especially if this is not something you’ve done before. As he becomes aroused, pay attention to how his body changes. Temperature, coloration, and swelling can change during the process. What parts get hard during his erection? What parts don’t get hard? Note, too, any pre-ejaculate that forms at the tip of his penis. Does his penis point straight up? Down? Curve?
Finish with a bang! (In other words, have sex.) When you’ve finished your exploration (or when your husband seems ready to explode), don’t offer sex. Just start. It may be a matter of just climbing on or asking him what position he’d like. 🙂 If you need to, use some artificial lubrication—although you may find that you got aroused as you paid such close to your husband’s penis.
You can do it!
If you are early in your journey to address sexual intimacy, the thought of exploring your husband’s penis may sound pretty overwhelming. Take a deep breath. You can do this.
It will mean a lot to your husband that you want to learn more about his favorite body part. If he’s been feeling sexually rejected, every demonstration of your acceptance of him helps to soothe and heal.
If you’re going to work on sex, you’re going to have to make peace with his penis at some point.
Why not start this weekend?
Note: I’ll be doing another post soon about semen. Take my quick semen survey here.
Image courtesy of Becris at FreeDigitalPhotos.net