The Unbroken Woman blog is hosting The Respect Dare. Starting July 10, participants will be using Nina Roesner’s The Respect Dare: 40 Days to a Deeper Connection with God and Your Husband as a guide, posting about their journey. And I will be doing it with you!
This Dare tells us to speak wisely and carefully and to encourage our husbands. The questions are about how we respond when our husbands confide in us and how we give advice.
Although this entire Respect Dare process has posed some difficult internal struggles for me, it is also helping me see progress I’ve already made over the past few years without even realizing it. With many of the questions, I find that my initial response reflects the behavior I used to have before I started working on making change in my marriage. When I look at who and how I am now, though, I get very different answers.
I answered them myself. I found myself bouncing back and forth between the way I remember handling things in the past and the way I handle them now. I was seeing through past and present lenses at the same time. With several of these questions, I didn’t know how to answer.
Then I asked my husband what he thought. And, woo-hoo! One of the questions is, “What can you do to become a wife who is held in high esteem and respected by your husband as being a safe confidante?” Big Guy says I’m already there. J Actually, he says I’m doing well with every single item in this Dare.
So what is my lesson here? As far as speaking wisely and carefully, I’m not where I would like to be but I have made efforts that have paid off. My take-away is not about how I speak to my husband (surprising, since I think of that as an area where I stink).
Instead, I find myself aware of how my perception is not the same as my husband’s. I see our interactions through eyes that are connected to my own heart. I see through the perspective of my feelings and my inner struggle. My husband does not see these things in the same way as I do. While I believe my perception is true, it does not provide the whole picture that is seen by others, particularly by my husband.
This is something I want to mull over for a bit. I want to understand other perspectives, but the thought that they may contradict my own makes me nervous. How can I function if I can’t even trust my own perceptions? I want to say that the prospect scares me—but somehow, it doesn’t scare me as much as intrigue me and make me unsettled.
So, Respect Dare sisters, how are you all doing?
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