Dealing with Erection Problems

Erection problems aren’t fun for anyone. Penis problems of any kind can take a psychological toll on your husband’s sense of being a man. As loving wives, we don’t want to make our erection-challenged husbands feel any worse—but we can miss the feeling of connection from intercourse or the firmness of his erection.

Erectile dysfunction doesn’t mean the end of your sex life, though.

Even in the midst of our frustration, we can bear in mind that the process of dealing with erection problems well can strengthen the intimacy in our marriages.

First things first.

The most important first step in dealing with erection problems is for your husband to talk with a doctor. If he is too embarrassed to make the appointment, you can offer to make the appointment for him.

Erectile dysfunction can be caused by a number of health and medical factors: diabetes, heart and circulation problems, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, hormone changes, multiple sclerosis, obesity, Parkinson’s disease, prescription medications (including some cancer drugs and anti-depressants), sleep disorders, surgery in the pelvic region, treatment for prostate cancer, and more.

It is so important that your husband talk with a doctor, as erectile dysfunction can be an early sign of some of these conditions. It may be that addressing the underlying health condition or trying a different medication will be enough to take care of the erection problems.

Depression, stress, and anxiety can also be a factor in erection problems. Some men find that they also develop a kind of performance anxiety. Worrying about whether the penis will perform can make it more difficult.

Treatment

One option for dealing with erection problems is to try to treat the erectile dysfunction.

A doctor can help your husband explore various options.

For some men, it is simply a matter of losing weight, eating differently, and even doing Kegel exercises. (They aren’t just for women!)

Doctors often recommend medication such as Viagra or Cialis. Some men find that this is enough and that they only need to use the medication occasionally.

Another treatment option is penile injection therapy. Yes, it IS just what it sounds like—but apparently it works very well. The substance that is injected dilates the arteries of the penis in a way that allows blood to flow in and cause a firm erection.

Some men have a penis prothesis implanted surgically. These typically are either semi-rigid rods or an inflatable device (inflated by pressing a pump implanted in the scrotum). You can read an overview of this procedure here.

Sex with erection help – or without any erection at all

Treatment doesn’t always work—but that doesn’t mean the end of sexual intimacy.

Sexual intimacy is how we develop and maintain oneness and connection in marriage. It isn’t only about how our private parts connect with each other that matters. The fact that we are sharing such a private part of who we are—our sexuality—is a powerful piece of why sexual intimacy connects and unites us.

Even without a reliable penis, sexual intimacy can thrive. It just might work a little differently.

Even without a reliable penis, sexual intimacy can thrive. Click To Tweet

Expand your repertoire

Without a good erection, intercourse might not be easy or even possible. Fortunately, sexual intimacy includes so much more than just intercourse!

• If your husband cannot have or maintain an erection at all, you can try using your mouth, your hands, or his hands to stimulate his penis to orgasm. Fun fact: A flaccid penis can still experience an orgasm.
  
• Your husband can use hands and mouth to stimulate you as well. Most women need more stimulation than a penis can provide to achieve orgasm anyway.
• You can masturbate together. This can add an eroticism that may help both of you achieve orgasm.

Let marital aids help

Most of the time we refer to them as sex toys, but when they are what makes sexual intimacy possible, they are more than just a fun addition to the marriage bed. They truly aid your marriage.

Several products can be helpful to your husband in getting and keeping an erection. (Note: Except for the Erektor, this section contains affiliate links that earn me a small commission. Except for the Erektor and Pulse Oscillating Simulator, all these links go to Christian sites with no nudity in the descriptions. The Pulse Oscillating Simulator link is to Amazon.)

Penis sleeves/strokers – A penis sleeve is a small flexible tube-shaped device with internal bumps that provide some stimulation; the man places his penis inside the tube and uses it to stroke his penis. This device can help with mild cases of ED. Along with a little artificial lubrication, these can sometimes help a man develop an erection. With some sleeves, you can add a bit more pressure if that would help your husband

Penis rings – A penis ring can help if your husband can get an erection but it just isn’t as firm as you or he would like. After he is erect, the penis ring is placed around the base of the penis. It prevents blood from leaving the penis, which makes it a bit firmer.

Penis pumps – If your husband isn’t able to get an erection on his own or with your help, he can use a penis pump. The penis is placed inside the device, and then the pump creates a vacuum that draws blood into the penis. Your husband could begin with a penis pump and then add the penis ring for more firmness and for aid in staying erect.

Erektor – This is described as an “external penile support device.” It provides some rigidity to the penis in a way that allows for thrusting. Some men may find that it reduces sensation, and some women may find it uncomfortable—but it is a non-medical, non-invasive option that some men might like to try before exploring injections or a penis pump.

Pulse III Duo Oscillating Simulator – This is a unique device that can help a man with a flaccid penis obtain an erection. It provides oscillating vibrations to the frenulum (the sensitive spot on the underside of the head of the penis). If it doesn’t help generate an erection that allows for intercourse, it still might help your husband have an orgasm. Some models also include a vibration for clitoral stimulation so you and your husband can be in a familiar position and both experience stimulation, even without intercourse.

Dildos – If you and your husband are unable to have intercourse, you may find that you miss the feeling of internal pressure (some women refer to it as feeling “filled up”). Your husband can insert a dildo into your vagina while using his hands, mouth, or a vibrator to stimulate your clitoris.

Position, position, position

I asked the folks at Christian Friendly Sex Positions to recommend positions that can be helpful. Here’s what they had to say (product links in this section allow me to earn a commission):

There are some sex positions that can help men who have ED. Men who have ED need sex positions that require as little effort on their part as possible so they can either physically keep the erection or concentrate on the task at hand instead of twisting into a pretzel, thrusting, and keeping their balance. Also, I think it’s important that wives are satisfied too. The right position and a few fingers for manual stimulation or a vibrator can go a long way for her, especially when sex might not last long or is not very frequent. I’ll give a few examples for giving the wife extra attention with or without sex toys below.

Wife on top positions allow him to lay back, enjoy the view and task at hand without focusing too much on effort. They also gives the wife full control so she can make the motions that feel good for her.

Reverse Grinding the Corn – Great clitoral stimulation, but his erection needs to be as firm as possible.

Clip – It gives him a great view which can help keep his erection firm. It also allows him or her to stimulate her clitoris with fingers or a small vibrator.

Rodeo – Great for wives who want deep penetration, but requires that they have a wedge sex pillow.

Cowgirl – The wife can get lots of clitoral stimulation from this position if he wears a vibrating ring along with a regular penis ring and she makes a grinding motion over the vibrator during lovemaking.

Husband on top positions are also good for men with ED.

Super Missionary – Great for women who want clitoral stimulation, but they’ll need a Jaz sex pillow to really enjoy it.

Super 8 – It has great access for her to stimulate her clitoris with her fingers or a small vibrator.

Sandwich – Same as Super 8, but with deep penetration.

Reclining Lotus, Toad – Intimate sex positions with deep penetration. Clitoral stimulation can be added by wearing a vibrating ring.

As I said, erection problems aren’t much fun—but just look at how much fun you can have trying to figure them out together!

Check out these other posts with more ideas:

When It Hurts: Maintaining Sexual Intimacy While Dealing with Pain
Sex in the Middle
Maintaining Sexual Intimacy When Sex isn’t Possible, my guest post at Messy Marriage

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