Several mornings ago, I awakened with a numb arm. I’d slept in a weird position with my arm underneath me. I didn’t do it on purpose, of course. I moved my arm when I was sleeping and wasn’t aware of what was happening—and while I slept, my arm “fell asleep.”
I was able to move my arm, but I had to actually think about what I was doing. My arm felt more like an object than it did a part of my own body.
As I shifted position, I regained sensation and got that “pins and needles” burning sensation. I was hyperaware of my arm for a few minutes.
And then, without any fanfare at all, I realized that my arm felt like part of me again.
Paresthesia
Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure . . . Psalm 16:9
The “fallen asleep” sensation is the result of pressure on our nerves and blood vessels. The pressure disrupts the normal communication to and from our brains. Our blood vessels can’t supply oxygen and other nutrients.
Without communication and a healthy flow of nourishment for the cells, we feel numb.
As our normal function returns, we experience that “pins and needles” feeling. It’s called paresthesia, meaning “abnormal sensation.”
For a few moments, we are hyperaware as the body part that was asleep wakes back up. Everything feels prickly, which is a good sign that our nerves are coming back to life.
As we regain sensation and begin to move the body part again, we ease back into our usual functions and feelings.
We are back to normal.
What about sex?
How long will you lie there, you sluggard? When will you get up from your sleep? Proverbs 6:9
I experienced something similar with my sexuality—not physically, but in other ways.
I didn’t do it on purpose, but while I was raising kids and establishing myself professionally, I wasn’t paying attention to my sexuality. Without my being aware of it, my sexual interest and response fell asleep. The pressure of life got in the way of good communication and doing the things that nourished our relationship.
I wasn’t even aware of it until I realized that I was no longer feeling anything mentally or emotionally when it came to sex—no desire, no interest in sex, and no excitement.
Instead, I felt nothing. I was sexually numb.
When I recognized this numbness in my sexuality and began to awaken, it was hard to figure out what to do or how to move. I had to actually think about what I was doing with sex, because it just didn’t feel natural anymore. Sex felt more like a set of actions I had to focus on than it felt like a natural part of my own life.
As I began to take some steps to address sex and my sexuality, I became hyperaware of everything sexual. I noticed every thought and feeling related to sex. As I learned how to be sexually generous and loving, I felt prickly all the time. It was definitely an abnormal sensation.
I kept moving and taking steps toward a better sex life, even though I felt prickly and everything felt weird.
And then, without any fanfare at all, my sexuality felt like part of me again. Sex felt like a normal part of our marriage and my life.
Awaken, my friend.
You may find yourself suddenly aware that your sexuality and sexual interest have fallen asleep. When that happens, instead of focusing on the lack of interest and feeling, just begin moving. If you’ve been stuck in one spot for a while, make a shift. Even if it feels awkward and you have to think about how to do things, a change is the only way to get past the numbness.
If your sexuality has been a source of numbness for you, when you begin to work on your struggles, sex may feel abnormal and prickly for you. Be patient with yourself. As you keep moving, the communication and relational nourishment will start to flow properly. This “sexual paresthesia” is a sign that your sexuality is coming back to life. Sexual paresthesia is a good thing!
Keep working at it, wherever you are in your journey. Before you know it, you’ll ease back into your old functions and feelings again.
You may be surprised one morning to wake up and realize that without any fanfare, sex has become a happy and normal part of your life.
If your sexuality has fallen asleep, start moving around. Your awakening will be just around the corner.
At this I awoke and looked around. My sleep had been pleasant to me. Jeremiah 31:26
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I’m glad you awoke from your slumber and realized the necessity and benefits of nurturing a healthy sex life in your marriage. Maybe one day it’ll happen to my wife.
This has happened to me a few times in our married life. Usually it’s when I’ve been super stressed and/or completely depleted, like the several months I was caring for my dying Mother. I’ve come to realize over the years that sex just doesn’t feed my soul and when my soul has become starved or empty, those things that require conserted energy or focus (like sex) tend to fall asleep.
It’s happening in my life right now. We have moved to a new area. I haven’t made friends yet. I have left my canine and equine activities behind (those things that feed my soul) and I feel somewhat empty inside.
When this happens, my heart tires and my mind tends to get negative and my sexuality falls asleep. I now recognize this pattern and know I need to feed my soul before I can readjust my heart and mind and have enough energy to wake up my sexual being.
I sometimes wonder if the sexually refused spouse (husband or wife), has let their sexuality fall asleep and go into a long hibernation because they (like me), have simply given up trying, knowing all the efforts amount to nothing.
I suppose that does happen. When you have trained yourself to suppress your sexuality for years, it could easily be uncomfortable trying to revive it.
You essentially build a wall around yourself to seal off whatever emotions you know will hurt you, as a form of protection. The only problem is that you set yourself up for perpetual despair that nothing will ever get any better. Despite the sexual draught in my marriage, I still cling to the hope that in the fullness of time, things will get better. The waiting is definitely the hardest part.