Level Up Your Bedroom

Julie Sibert from Intimacy in Marriage recently wrote 3 Must Haves to Make Your Bedroom a Sex Haven.

She identified three things that she considers essential to sexy bedroom activity. Then she challenged J Parker (Hot, Holy & Humorous) and me to write our own posts about what makes a bedroom conducive to sex. J rose to the challenge in 4 Must-Haves to Make Your Bedroom a Den of Delight.

Their lists are fantastic—so fantastic that there’s nothing left for me to add. They covered the basics.

To be completely honest, I don’t think I’ve ever even had a bedroom that I would consider particularly conducive to sex. Everyone’s advice about making your bedroom into a sanctuary, with clean surfaces, soft and silky fabrics, and inviting scents? Sounds great to me—but our bedroom has never even been close to that.

Practicality and accessibility tend to rule the day, and my tendency toward clutter and aversion to housework make for a bedroom that looks the opposite of conducive to sex.

Yet . . . my husband and I manage to have sex anyway. And even with a lovelier bedroom or access to cooler stuff, we probably wouldn’t be any more likely to have sex than we have now.

That doesn’t mean that sex couldn’t be easier or more versatile in a differently outfitted bedroom.

So I’m going to approach this challenge a little differently. I’m going to look at different levels of making your bedroom conducive to sex. What helps you in your bedroom likely won’t be the same as what helps me, so use the items below to spark conversation with your husband about your own bedroom.

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Basic Level

What is the bare minimum to have sex in your bedroom?

At the most basic level, we don’t need much in our bedroom in order to enjoy sexual activity. As long as my husband and I are both there, we can do something.

In order to have a minimum level of comfort, though, I’ll include two items that Julie and J mentioned.

1. A towel – Sex is messy, and it’s nice to have something to help counter the wet spot or messy hands.
2. Lubricant – Without some kind of lubricant, intercourse is difficult and painful for me. (Vaginal dryness is my least favorite aspect of menopause.) We can still have non-intercourse fun, but if we want to do anything involving intercourse, lubricant must be involved.  Coconut oil is popular, and it’s our go-to. I just get the stuff from the grocery store shelves (although I do keep a separate container in the bedroom so I don’t inadvertently pop the popcorn with CO that has been used for other purposes).

If my husband and I have a towel and lubricant handy, we can manage to enjoy sex—and if a towel isn’t handy, my husband is willing to offer the t-shirt he just took off his back.

What are the minimum basics you need for sex?

Standard Level

Standard level items are things that are helpful to have most of the time. They make sex easier and may bump up some of the sensations that accompany sex. They’re easy to add to most bedrooms.

The first two items on my list were provided to me at no charge by Married Dance. I am thrilled with them, and I’m glad to be able to tell you how great they are.

1. Wedge pillows – These provide firm support while you change the angles or try something that otherwise might be awkward and uncomfortable. Even the same old positions can feel new when you use a wedge pillow or two. We’ve had a small one for several years. The one we received from Married Dance is wider and more comfortable than what we had been using. And we can use both wedges at the same time to really up our game.
2. Liberator Décor Fascinator Throw – Why didn’t I get one of these years ago? It is seriously that great. It’s essentially a waterproof sex blanket. It fits across the whole bed, which provides a great deal more coverage than a towel. It’s waterproof, so it protects your bedding from all sorts of sex fluids, lubricant, etc. These two features are why I requested this item, but there are two other qualities that I love. One is that is it plush and velvety. It feels soft and luxurious against the skin. The other is that it has enough weight that it isn’t sliding all over the bed like a towel or blanket that might leave your bedding exposed just when push comes to shove, so to speak. I did not expect the throw to feel so good or to stay put, so this product gave me more than I expected.
3. Adjustable floor mirror – If you and your husband like watching yourselves enjoy sexual activity, an adjustable floor mirror is a must-have item. It also helps you maintain eye contact if you’re in a position such as stallion style (my term for what is usually known as doggy style).

What would you put on your list of things that make sex easier and a little enhanced?

Next Level

All I need to have sex are the basics; the standard level items simply provide more comfort and ease. But that doesn’t mean these are the only things I want to have in my bedroom.

I have a list of “wouldn’t it be nice if . . . .” items that I would love to have for our bedroom someday. Here’s my “dream team” of three bedroom items that I think would be awesome to have.

1. Sex furniture – A bed is nice, but it’s level. Wedge pillows help change that up a bit, but they go only so far. I would love to have some furniture that is specifically designed for the curves and motions of sex. All the contours and options would take our bedroom to the next level. This stuff is made for sex.
2. Blow job chair – It would be fantastic to have a chair that provides comfort and accessibility that is idea for oral sex. And I do mean oral sex specifically for him, hence the name. Technically, this could count as sex furniture. However, since I probably would sit in it when I put my shoes and socks on and therefore use it for more than just sexy stuff, I’m putting it as a separate list item.
3. Dance pole – When I was a child, I was always horsing around on swing set poles, swinging from them by my legs and arms. I thought it would be great to have a pole that goes straight up and down that is just for swinging around. I had no idea that there actually was such a thing. Although my middle-aged body groans at the thought of actually using such a pole, my inner child dances with glee at the idea. It probably won’t ever happen, but I just think it sounds like fun.

What would you put on your list of bedroom dream team items?

I’d like to encourage you to sit down with your husband and talk about what you can add to or change in your bedroom to make it more conducive to sex. Take a look at the Married Dance website. What are some things that would make sex easier and more comfortable for you? And what are the things you’d like to dream about together for some day down the road when you have more space or a house to yourself?

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