I’m somewhat fascinated by blog statistics. They give me so much more than numbers. I learn about who reads here and why. The stats tell me how people get here and when they read.
Despite the fact that I have always considered my audience to be women, for most of the first two years of this blog, most of my readers were men—not by much, but by enough that it registered on the stats. Most of the search terms that brought readers here were variations of “wife won’t have sex,” “husband’s sex drive hurting Christian marriage,” and “why won’t my wife have sex with me.”
Early this year, I made some mostly subtle changes in the tone and focus of this blog (described here). I started working intentionally to more gently to reach out to women at the very beginning of a journey to embrace sexual intimacy in their marriages. This meant that I removed my most-read post because it was just past the edge of spicy hot. It addressed a subject that is the object of quite a few internet searches, so I expected to see a drop in the number of page views with that post gone. Instead, I saw a spike in numbers for a while. And after a few weeks, the stats showed that I had a slightly higher percentage of women reading than men. That was confirmation to me that I was on the right track.
I am intrigued by what I continue to see in the stats. The percentage of women reading continues to rise, which does my heart good. I am also seeing a change in the kinds of search terms. Instead of mostly men seeking support in dealing with a wife’s resistance to sex, I am seeing primarily search terms that wives use: “husband upset because I won’t have sex,” “why is sex so important to my husband,” and “is it okay to say no to sex with my husband.”
The numbers, the search terms, comments, and emails make it clear that many women need support and encouragement as they try to grow in a marriage where sexual intimacy has been a challenge.
A Milestone
Still, I do pay attention to the numbers in the stats as well. Several weeks ago, the stats showed that I was coming up on a milestone of total page views, and late last night I hit it: one million. I know that’s just a drop in the bucket when compared to many blogs, and one million page views is not the same as one million unique readers (and I have no idea how to find that out). Nonetheless, I am somewhat stunned. I’ve watched the number creeping higher and higher over the past week, and now that it’s happened, I still don’t quite believe it.
It’s a pretty exciting number—especially considering the fact that when I started writing here I didn’t imagine I would ever get to 10,000. It is easy to get caught up in the numbers. It’s tempting to focus on more blog traffic, search engine optimization, pinnable images, and the like.
It’s all about you
As exciting as this big number is for me to see on my stats page, it isn’t the one million page views that truly matter. It is the one reader—you.
From the day I began this blog, I have had a clear sense that each blog post needs to be written for one woman. With nearly every post I write, I imagine that I am writing to one woman. Sometimes it is for a specific woman I know about, and other times it is a vague nameless Christian sister.
As excited as I am to think about exciting milestone numbers, it is the same way I feel when someone new leaves a comment. It’s the same way I felt the first day when I had 14 views and the way I felt with the first blog follower. It isn’t the one million that matters, it’s the one. It’s you.
You, reading this right now, are one in a million.
I invite you to share with me what you need in the way of support for growth in your marriage. Click on this link to share your ideas about how The Forgiven Wife can continue to grow and meet your needs.
Growth in marriage matters far more than growth in numbers.
You are one in a million. What do you need to continue growing in your marriage?
I've moved! While you can peruse the archives here, I am no longer posting at The Forgiven Wife.
Please join me at Honeycomb & Spice.
Ladies, if you're interested in joining me for a study of Juli Slattery's new book God, Sex, and Your Marriage, time is running out! Our study begins with introductions on February 26, 2023, but the study will be open to join until March 5.
You are so eloquent with your wording Chris.
You are so right. There was a time where I was trying so hard to get my numbers up I lost focus of my mission.
It’s not about how many people read our blog. It is about that one person who sees a change in their marriage, in their sex life or in their relationship with Christ that matters the most.
Keep it up sis,
Stu
Thanks, Stu. Sometimes we do have to do some things to increase blog traffic as a way of drawing people in to the mission of what we’re doing. The real numbers aren’t something we will ever see anyway. If you touch just one person in a way that helps heal a marriage, you have helped two spouses–and their kids, and their friends, and the others at their church, and so on. Reaching one person indirectly ministers to more than we will ever know. Stay on mission, and know that even if the stats don’t show it, the impact is real.
I am that one person, and I am still struggling, so keep on writing. 🙂 Thank you.
I’m glad you’re here, cucumber34. 🙂
I only wish I could get my wife to merely read anything in your blog. All attempts get an angry response. Even the name, forgiven wife, stirs anger! Obviously, criticism is not well received. So some tips on how to get her to listen with a compassionate heart might help. I think the mere fact a woman is on this blog shows her heart is in the right place already!
Along the lines of readership stats, it crossed my mind to become a virtual woman after you decided to focus on women rather than husbands. I felt rejected once again, something we are way too familiar with. I didn’t, but I did quit being a regular reader for some time. Just wanted to toss that into your stew of stats.
Chris, you see into my feelings better than I can even express myself. You have been blessed with a gift of insight into masculinity and a desire to care for marriages.
God bless you and your mission.
My mission here has always been for wives rather than husbands, although I wasn’t as focused as I should have been earlier on. It generally isn’t a good idea to share my blog with wives who aren’t truly ready. The stuff I say here would have made me pretty angry, too!
You are so correct here. I emailed one of your blog posts to my wife hoping something might click into how my heart was feeling. She got mad and said “I never want you to send me anything like this again because I won’t read it ” I see all the women helped by your journey. I am sure their husbands are elated and many of them responding like Big Guy eventually did. You are helping many women and men. Just probably not going to happen for me. Keep up the great and needed work.
I love your blogs, and I’m probably in the minority when I say that I’m the opposite. I’m the one who wants to be more intimate, and a lot of times my husband isn’t interested. It bothers me a lot, which leads to other problems in the marriage.
I am so glad you heard God’s calling. Not only are you helping sisters understand the most fragile marital element, sexual fulfillment, but you are my friend. I am so glad that you are reaching more and more understand the dance of sexual intimacy.
Another of the ‘One’ here.
Your posts bring some hope into a heart that has felt hopeless of improved intimacy. Sometimes your words speak softly and gently leave me feeling encouraged to not lose focus. Sometimes they speak more directly to me and evoke emotions I would rather not feel… and I want to quickly scan over them, but I make myself read most of them… simply because I see that you are walking in freedom and that’s what I desire.
I’m sure there’s a quote or even a bible verse around about aligning yourself with those who have evidence of characteristics you desire for your own life.
Thank you Chris for sharing not only your knowledge, but also your personal journey, and for giving so many women hope of better things to come.
This is a great milestone, Chris. You write beautifully and share so much from your heart. I know you have touched many marriages.
Congrats! Keep up the excellent work!
I also find it fascinating to see what brings people to my blog.
Thanks, Scott!
Honestly I read your blog because so much of your personality reminds me of my wife. Looking for some way to improve our relationship and help her. She doesn’t see any need to change thouh so….
Congratulations on the milestone! I linked your post here.
Thanks!