Overcome the Power of Your Feelings

I am always aware of my emotions. I name them. I describe them in detail. I compare them to feelings at other times. When I revisit an event, I re-experience what’d I’d felt at the time.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Galatians 5:22-23a

My feelings and emotions are an ever-present part of my life. In many ways, they are a strength, a great gift from God. My emotional awareness has given me empathy and compassion. It has shown me when to be gentle and when to be firm. They empower me to love better.

But there’s a downside, too.

It took me years to recognize that while my feelings may be understandable, they do not give me the full truth. In fact, not only are they not truth, they often prevent me from seeing truth.

Feelings had me convinced that I was unlovable and irredeemable. They persuaded me that my husband wanted me only for sex and that his professions of love and appreciation of my beauty were shallow and temporary. Feelings caused me to question Big Guy’s words, his actions, and his love for me. My feelings told me that while God’s love was for others, it wasn’t for me.

As I came to understand that my feelings are not truth, I realized how often I based my words and actions on my feelings rather than on the truth. With my feelings overwhelming my perceptions, I reacted—emotionally, without thinking, and with an instinct to protect myself from whatever I felt was threatening me. When it came to my feelings, I had absolutely no self-control.

I wondered if it was possible to gain control, even when the feelings were all-encompassing.

When my feelings urged me to react, how could I navigate around those feelings in order to choose my words and actions rather than let instinct take over?

Was it possible to learn how to respond rather than react? Could I be thoughtful about how I speak and act, even when my feelings are strong and overwhelming? Could I learn to respond thoughtfully to truth when my feelings are disguising that truth?

Conquer the Power of Feelings

I know, now, that my feelings are not truth—but the feelings are still ever-present. They still cloud my perception. However, they no longer control me as they once did.

I am not always successful. Sometimes I still let my feelings get the better of me, but it happens less frequently and less severely than it used to. I am very much a work in progress.

I’d like to share what has helped me overcome the power of my feelings.

Learn the truth.

Knowing the truth has been critical in mastering my feelings.  The truth gives me words that combat the lies that my feelings believe. The truth of God’s design for sex in marriage is bigger than my feelings that sometimes tell me sex is mostly for my husband.

One way I learned the truth was to write down Bible verses about marriage, sex, God’s love for me, and more. I read them aloud when my emotions weren’t running rampant. Speaking the truth and hearing it in my own voice were helpful in silencing what my feelings were telling me.

I also looked at my husband’s actions over time. My feelings said he would leave me if he truly knew me. I made myself think about times when he’d seen my various failings and had still stayed with me. I recognized the fact that he stayed with me even though he hardly ever got to have sex with me.

Now when I find myself overwhelmed by my feelings, one of the first things I ask myself is, Okay, Chris, what is the truth?

Be aware.

I am always aware of what my feelings are—but I had to train myself to recognize when my feelings are driving my actions. At first, that recognition came after the fact. I would react to something based on my feelings, and only later would I recognize, Oh, maybe I was reacting to my feelings back there. When I did recognize that, I made myself pay attention to it. I looked at what I had been reacting to. I named my feelings. I forced myself to think about the truth. When my reaction had been hurtful, inappropriate, or over-the-top (in other words, most of the time), I made myself go back and apologize.

As I improved my post-reaction awareness, I noticed that I was starting to be aware of my reactions at the time they were happening. Gradually, I was able to stop mid-reaction and shift from a reaction toward a thoughtful response. Now I am at the point where I often can stop the reaction before it even begins.

Breathe.

Taking a slow deep breath has been a useful tool in helping me pause long enough to be aware of my reactions and remember what the truth is. Whereas stressful feelings can constrict blood vessels and reduce oxygen flow in the brain, intentional slow deep breaths help maintain a healthy oxygen level in the brain and improve mental clarity. When I recognize that I am freaking out because of my feelings, I take a deep breath to help me think and not just feel.

Seek counsel.

As I began to realize how much my feelings clouded my perception of the truth, I knew that I needed to ask others for their insight. As much as I hated to admit it, another person might be better able to see the truth when I’m all riled up.

Just look at all the Proverbs that tell us about the wisdom of seeking and following advice.

Listen to advice and accept discipline, and at the end you will be counted among the wise. Proverbs 19:20

Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed. Proverbs 15:22

“ . . . let the wise listen and add to their learning, and let the discerning get guidance . . . “ Proverbs 1:5

Whoever heeds life-giving correction will be at home among the wise. Proverbs 15:31

When I recognize that I’m getting caught up in my feelings, I reach out to those I trust. It isn’t easy for me, but I ask questions: Is there a truth I’m missing here? How does the Bible tell me I should respond? Here’s what I want to do; is that a reaction based on my feelings?

Even when I don’t like the answers I am given, they help me pause and reflect, leading to a more thoughtful response than I would give without counsel.

Let the truth transform my feelings.

Once I learned to accept that my feelings were not necessarily the truth of a situation, it became possible for my feelings to begin to change. As I learned the truth and tried to apply it in my life, I began to see that many of my feelings were beginning to reflect the truth rather than a fear or insecurity of my heart. I discovered that my truth-based feelings were never the kind that ran me over or triggered a reaction.

This renewing of my mind has actually changed my feelings to align them with the truth.

Learn from my feelings.

Lysa TerKeurst has said, “Feelings are indicators not dictators.”

Even as I learned to let go of the dictatorship of my feelings, they serve an important purpose: they point me toward areas where I still need to heal. Every time I have feelings that cloud my perception of truth and drive my reactions, I look for the reason for the feeling—and the reason is always a heart wound.

The feeling that my husband might leave me if he really knew me points me toward my insecurity. The feeling like my world is falling apart because of one disagreement or one problem points me to where I need to continue to work on trusting God. It’s gotten to the point that when I have an emotional reaction to something, at some point I manage to mutter something about the fact that I have just discovered yet another growth opportunity.

Feelings Can Empower You

My emotions are an integral part of who I am and how I interact with the world. I can’t (and shouldn’t) turn off my feelings. I can, however, learn to use them without losing control to them.

We can learn how to respond rather than react. We can be thoughtful about how we speak and act, even when our feelings are strong and seem all-encompassing. We can even learn to respond thoughtfully to truth when our feelings are disguising that truth.

Our God-given emotions can rule us if we are not careful. When we develop self-control, our feelings enrich our lives, our relationships, and our faith.

When we overcome the power of our feelings, they empower us to be who God has called us to be.

For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline. 2 Timothy 1:7

Image credit | tsukiko-kiyomidzu at pixabay.com