As I sit this morning, listening to the robins outside, watching my cat look out the window at the birds, and gulping the coffee my husband made for me, I realize I am content and at peace.
It’s weird.
For most of my life, I’ve felt somewhat unsettled. Everything was a preparation for something else that would be coming along. My husband and I were at odds in different ways throughout much of our marriage. The physical and emotional exhaustion of parenting wore me down. My eyes were so busy looking around at the future and at other things that I wasn’t always good at seeing the blessings surrounding me. Sometimes, I simply couldn’t relax enough to be able to notice anything outside the details of my life.
But here, this morning, I know that I am surrounded by blessings. My husband and I have been in a bit of a sexual slump this past week, largely due to some medical challenges and medication transition. I’ve been bummed, and he hasn’t known how to respond to that. But yesterday, he came home from work, took one look at me lying on the bed as I was reading my Kindle in my underwear, lavished sexual blessings upon me, and then let me bless him. Neither one of us was expecting that, and it provided something we both needed.
My husband has been unemployed much of the time over the past four years. He has now landed in a job that not only provides what we need financially but also draws on his strengths and gives him great joy in his work. I prayed for him to find a job where he can be happy, and I am incredibly grateful for that. Work life is good for me as well. I have a job I love at a college where the mission is truly a ministry. Every day, I can see that I’ve made a small difference.
In a few days, I will celebrate Mother’s Day. For years I had ridiculous expectations of how the day should go, and–no surprise–the day would never live up to them. Then, for a few years, I gave my family a specific list (printed on flowery paper and posted on the fridge) of what I wanted: breakfast in bed (yes, I indicated the menu), church, no laundry, at least 15 minutes alone with each child, at least an hour with my entire family together, and at least one hour completely alone by myself. Oh, and flowers. Now my children are all young adults. They all have jobs. Last night, one son borrowed my car so he could go to the mall and get me my Mother’s Day present. The kids have been busy planning my day for me. They’ve been working together to give me a good Mother’s Day.
All three kids will most likely be moving out later this year, within a few months of each other. As I experience empty nest, I will be able to rely on a marriage that is stronger than it’s ever been. Three years ago, I dreaded this time, wondering how on earth I would manage being stuck alone with my husband. Now, I actually look forward to it.
I find that I am smiling a lot these days. Despite the little slumps and irritations, I know–and feel–that life is good. I am seeing God’s handiwork in my life and in the lives of others. God has always blessed me, and now I’m finally letting myself see it.
I’ve lived so much of my life not fully experiencing the blessings God has sent, either because I wouldn’t let myself see them or I wouldn’t set aside the stresses of my life to be able to soak them in. I wish I’d figured this out years ago, that letting myself see and experience the blessings in my life would, well, bless me. (I know. You’d think it would be obvious.)
It feels weird to be feeling this way–but weird in a really good way. Finally. So I soak it in, prepare to go pour my second mug of coffee, and begin my day with a joyful heart.
Image credit | tdfugere at pixabay.com
I've moved! While you can peruse the archives here, I am no longer posting at The Forgiven Wife.
Please join me at Honeycomb & Spice.
Ladies, if you're interested in joining me for a study of Juli Slattery's new book God, Sex, and Your Marriage, time is running out! Our study begins with introductions on February 26, 2023, but the study will be open to join until March 5.
Thanks be to God. It gives great joy and peace when you see Gods blessing. Especially the cross/salvation, his presence and the hope we have. In all these things we find true joy. May God bless you more and more! Amen!
I like your choice of euphemisms. Being blessed is a great cure for feeling grumpish (lol).The next time I sneeze, my wife will wonder about the smile on my face.
🙂
Maybe some day you’ll be able to explain the smile. 🙂
I would very much like to share your blog with my wife. You provide such a wonderful insight into human sexuality in a Christian marriage.
Based on the comments to your blog, you seem to have many male readers. They are probably wondering like me, what can I do to encourage my wife to learn to dance with desire? As I read through your blog, you seem to have been inspired by the Holy Spirit. But surely your husband must have done something right to be blessed with your enlightenment. Let us in on his secrets. Remember, it takes two to Tango…
I can’t think of anything in particular my husband did. I wish I had a magic formula to share. I know he did a lot of praying and that some of it was to become content with the way things were. I’ll ask him, though.
Most of the comments on the blog are from men–but I receive emails from quite a few women who are where I once was and who are finally opening their hearts to new possibilities. If you are thinking of sharing a blog with your wife, I would suggest starting with The Generous Wife. It was one of the things I was reading at the beginning of my own journey. I saw a joy and commitment there, and it wasn’t just about sex. It is a nn-threatening introduction to some new ideas, I think. I think husbands sometimes want to show their wives things that represent where they want their wives to be…but wives need something that addresses them closer to where they are and encourages them to grow from there.
The best thing I can say to a husband is to work on yourself and your own relationship with God. Be the change you want to see. Be the husband that God calls you to be, regardless of what your wife does.
I am willing to work on myself, which is why I asked if there some something your husband did to encourage your transformation. I want to be the change I want in my marriage, I was just looking for some help along the way. I will take your suggestion and pray.
I feel like asking my wife to read your blog and others is akin to buying her a self help book. Not much good can from that. Motivation has to come from within. It’s nearly impossible to motivate someone else. The best you can do is give them the opportunity to achieve their goals and hope for the best.
Honey, if by chance you have clicked on one of the 7 or 8 bookmarks for this inspirational blog, just remember, I love you just the way you are…Mwwaaah!
“The best thing I can say to a husband is to work on yourself and your own relationship with God. Be the change you want to see. Be the husband that God calls you to be, regardless of what your wife does.”
God bless you for this piece of advice, Chris.
This is good advice for us all, in all of our relationships. When we work on ourselves and keep our eyes on God, we will be blessed no matter how another person responds to that growth. Blessings to you.