How can you pull out of a season with diminished sexual frequency?

Years ago at church camp, we always did a skit that involved improbable characters: the Maytag repairman, a crazy cat lady who had dogs, a teacher without any students, a trapeze artist with a fear of heights, a pet shop owner who was afraid of fish, and so on.

I’ve become one of those improbable characters: I’m a sex blogger who is struggling to enjoy sex right now. Read More →

How can i initiate when i don’t even want sex?

It can be frustrating to read articles and blog posts about sex sometimes.

Well-meaning writers give you all sorts of great suggestions for how to improve your sex life. The suggestions all sound good except for one important thing.

If you’re a woman who hardly ever wants sex, reading an article about improving your sex life is like reading about how to milk a cow when you’ve never even stepped foot on a farm.

It’s all nice in theory, but it just doesn’t seem to apply. Read More →

How can you nurture your sexual desire?

When I was young, I devoured the entire reproduction shelf in the children’s department at the library. My body was changing, and I wanted to know everything about those changes—and about sex.

It’s more than a little ironic that a lack of information contributed to the sex issues I had for years. Read More →



Give your husband the blessing of feeling sexually loved and desired.

In marriage, we should look for ways we can bless and love each other.

My husband brings me my favorite cookies from the grocery store. He gets me flowers. He gives me foot rubs. He takes me on drives to enjoy the fall colors. He does these things not out of a sense of obligation. He does them simply because he knows they make me feel deeply loved.

I make him meatloaf. I fill his pill box every week. I fold his underwear. I get his favorite brand of ketchup.

And sometimes I make love to him. Read More →

Are you and your husband speaking the same language when it comes to your sex life?

Sometimes Big Guy would say, “I want you to be more passionate. I want you to desire me.”

Huh? I can’t be something I’m not or make myself feel something I don’t.

I imagined how“passionate” would look; several images popped into my head. I pictured a woman who wanted sex all the time, just like my husband seemed to—and not only did she want it, she was aroused and ready to go at the very thought of sex. And she completely enjoyed sex, too. Unlike me, she had no stray thoughts pop into her head.

She was a tigress.

She most definitely was not me. Read More →

Bless your husband with your desire for him.

Has your husband ever said he would like you to initiate sex more?

Mine has. It used to be that when he would say that, I would tell him that since he was the one who wanted sex so much, he needed to initiate it. It made absolutely no sense to me that I would initiate something I didn’t even want to do.

The closest I ever came to initiating sex in those days was to say, “I suppose you want to have sex, so let’s get it over with.” Read More →

It’s time to be intentional about claiming your sexuality and your sexual desire.

In theory, I know that God created me to be a sexual being. I know that I experience arousal, desire, and orgasm. I know that some things are more likely than others to lead to an orgasm for me.

In theory, I embrace my sexuality and rejoice in it.

In practical terms, though, I have a lot of work to do. Read More →

Sink into the deliciousness of sex by redefining what it means to be "in the mood."

“Do you feel like having sex?” he would ask me.

Most times, I would seriously think about it: Do I feel aroused in any way? Is there something else I need or want to be doing instead? Do I feel connected to Big Guy right now? Do I at least not feel disconnected from him? Do I feel like having sex? Read More →

What does it mean when your husband wants you to initiate sex?

A reader recently sent me the link to A Letter from a Husband to his Wife on Sexual Refusal and Reluctance and asked me what I thought.

The article provides a sexually neglected husband’s point of view and discusses his frustration, the humiliation he feels, the temptation and jealousy he faces, his yearning to be desired, and his desire for his wife to allow him to be captivated by her body. Read More →

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