This Old Marriage

The house I live in is 120 years old.

When houses are left untended for many years, they will gradually fall apart. Foundations settle. Things shift. Floorboards get soft and sag. Doors and door frames separate. Weather takes its toll.

My in-laws did a great deal of reconstruction and remodeling when they bought this house, which addressed many of the problems that can come with old houses.

However, we still have soft floorboards, and the house has continued to settle over the years. When I walk through the kitchen, I feel a bit of a dip near the refrigerator. Another problem is the fact that the bathroom door doesn’t completely latch because of a mismatch between the door and the door frame.

Last week, I watched my husband and his brother install a house jack in the basement. This isn’t a comfortable or easy thing to do, either. The basement stairs are steep and treacherous, with steps that have gone soft and saggy and one that has broken. Additionally, foundation work has meant that there is no place to stand completely upright when working in the basement. Still, it was necessary.

Every day since then, my husband has climbed down the steep stairs to the basement to tighten the jack just a bit.

It will take some time, but it should even out the kitchen dip and fix the problem with the bathroom door.

At some point, we will replace the basement stairs and then tackle the walk-up attic. Our efforts will extend the usable space and make it more secure and better able to withstand the ravages of time.

Right now it’s a house jack that is doing the reconstruction. At other times it will be repairs or replacement of old worn material. Eventually we will do some repainting.

Despite the challenges, I love that it is an old house, filled with character and charm that were many years in the making.

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When we don’t tend to our marriages, they can gradually fall apart, too.

We settle into routines. We shift priorities. Our bodies and habits can get soft and sag. Individuals grow in separate directions. Ever-changing seasons of life take their toll.

Big Guy and I have been married for 28 years, and we’ve certainly had to tend our marriage to keep it from falling apart.

When things began to turn around in 2010, we had to do a lot of reconstruction. I had to change my routines of thought, reclaim right priorities, be intentional and firm about building new habits, choose to grow toward my husband, and learn to weather life’s seasons together with my husband rather than letting those seasons place a wedge between us.

Reconstruction was neither comfortable nor easy–but it was necessary and led to good changes.

Tending our marriage has looked different from time to time. At various times it has involved increased attention to conversation, sex, shared activities, couples devotionals, and praying together.

We continue to learn to jack up areas that need to be boosted. We still repair old habits and thoughts or replace them altogether.

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Despite the challenges, I love that our marriage continues to grow older. It has a character and charm that were many years in the making.

What are you doing to strengthen your marriage? How do you jack up the things that have begun to sag? What do you repair, and how? Does your marriage have character and charm, or does it just look like it is falling apart?

Image credit | Myriams-Fotos at pixabay.com