“What on earth is tomato pie?”
It was lunchtime, and I was sitting in a Knoxville restaurant with Bonny, J, and Gaye during our recent podcast retreat. Bonny and Gaye mentioned that they might order the tomato pie, and I had no idea what they were talking about other than guessing that it was a savory pie that featured tomatoes.
A tomato pie?
I’d never heard of a tomato pie before. The description on the menu didn’t sound very appealing, either. I’d never had it before, so I would be just fine if I never tried it.
I’d figured I would just order a burger. It was familiar and comforting. It sounded safe. It’s my go-to order when I’m at a new place and don’t know what else to get. I always like burgers.
A tomato pie? I wasn’t so sure. If I didn’t like it, I would go hungry. However, when I’m in a different part of the country I do try to order things I would never cook for myself. Since Bonny and Gaye were ordering tomato pie, I figured I could at least try it—and since it came with a salad and chicken tenders, I would at least have something to eat if I didn’t like the tomato pie. It wasn’t like I was going to starve.
Still skeptical, I ordered the tomato pie, not knowing what to expect.
Oh, yes!
When my tomato pie arrived, I took a bite.
Oh. My. Goodness.
It was delicious. Creamy. Melt-in-my-mouth yumminess, the kind that makes me close my eyes in bliss, just so I can focus my attention on what’s in my mouth.
Seriously. I took pictures of my food to send to Big Guy. I told him it was amazing and that I’m going to make it sometime. I started googling recipes. (I haven’t found one that looks right yet, so if you have a favorite, send it to me!) I talked about the awesomeness of the tomato pie for the rest of the afternoon.
My life had been just fine without tomato pie. But WITH tomato pie, my life was even better. If I hadn’t tried it, I never would have experienced that particular combination of textures and flavors that delighted me so much.
What’s on your sexual menu?
God has given us great freedom in our marriages. The Song of Songs suggests a mutual enjoyment of each other’s bodies. It hints at oral sex, outdoor sex, and more. We’re given a great garden of pleasure.
Still, many women like to stay inside a sexual comfort zone. We like to stick to the sexual activities and positions we already know. We want to know what to expect. Inside our great garden of sexual pleasure, we park in one corner.
A different position? A different way of stimulating each other? We aren’t so sure about that.
The internal questions run through our minds:
What if I don’t like it? What if it shows my body in a way I don’t like? What if it doesn’t feel good? What would my church group think?
But here’s the question we should be asking ourselves: What if it’s wonderful?
If you’ve never tried the position or activity, you aren’t likely to feel like you’re missing it—and you might be missing out on something wonderful.
Experience delight.
What if you love the activity? What if it arouses and stimulates you in a way you didn’t even know was possible? What if it is so amazing that it makes you close your eyes in bliss?
What if it is so wonderful that you want to talk with your husband about how wonderful it was? What if you want to find new variations of the position or activity to try?
Sure, your sex life has been just fine without that position or activity. But WITH it, your sex life might be even better.
You may experience a particular combination of sensations and emotions that fill you with great delight that you never even imagined was possible.
And you know what? It will probably be even better than tomato pie.
Check out these other posts about trying new things and stepping outside your comfort zone:
- The Comfort Zone
- The Macaroni and Cheese Lesson: Stepping Your Toes Outside Your Comfort Zone
- Do I Have To?
Image credit | Chris Taylor
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Ladies, if you're interested in joining me for a study of Juli Slattery's new book God, Sex, and Your Marriage, time is running out! Our study begins with introductions on February 26, 2023, but the study will be open to join until March 5.
This is so true. My husband has introduced some nipple clamps, some other things he purchased at the intimate store and some of it I have liked and others are just meh. But just like you said without trying how do you know. I seem to be more adventurous as I age, but then I dont have all the distractions that I use too either. We are always trying new positions from the Christian friendly sight they email us a new one weekly. Now there are some we dont even attempt, because we are older but unless your an Olympic gymnast there are a couple that look impossible. Haha. My favorite is to flash him a boob going down the road, of course when no car is next to us but he is always shocked and pleasantly surprised.
I know what you mean about impossible positions. Some body parts just don’t bend or support weight the way they used to!
Great analogy, Chris! And thank you so much for letting me have a big bite of your delicious tomato pie! (I stuck with fried chicken & gravy. Because…gravy!)
Yes, gravy is a very good choice!
Thank you for this word picture. My Hubby and I were talking about intimacy and I said, “Tomatoe Pie” I ended up reading the article to him. I was afraid to because I thought it might make him irritated. He has been telling me this for years (with a steak reference instead). He is grateful that you got through to me. Of course, it helps that I am more open to what God has to say about sex, too. I appreciate you.
When we’re open to God’s leading, we can see amazing things in our marriages!