Is oral sex a source of tension in your marriage?

Oral sex can be such a source of tension in marriage.

I hear from both women and men in marriages where the husband would like to receive oral sex and the wife doesn’t want to do it.

It often becomes a measuring stick both spouses use to assess how much they are loved by the other. Her constant refusal shows him that her love for him is lacking. She views his frequent requests as a sign that he is more interested in physical pleasure than in her. Read More →

Growth that we cannot see is just as important as the growth that we can see.

We often think of growth as something with steady and visible movement.

Whether that growth is physical, mental, or spiritual, we expect it to look like something is actually growing.

Growth doesn’t necessarily work like that, though. Read More →

Take three steps toward sexual generosity and adventure in 2016.

When you’re working on becoming more sexually generous and adventurous after a long time of resisting sex, your husband might be just a little excited.

Your heart might be wanting to make a total transformation. You may even think about all the things you’ll feel comfortable doing in, say, five years.

You may think about the words, “Honey, whatever you want to do that isn’t sinful, I will be happy to do with you.” But the instant you try to actually say those words, you realize that you are giving your husband a blank check to pull you outside your comfort zone. Read More →

Do you allow the fruit from seasons past to cloud your appreciation of the growth in your marriage?

My family moved a couple months ago. Although I am sad to be losing the lilacs up at the top of my page (unless my propagation attempt is successful), I have enjoyed watching the crabapple tree in our new back yard.

When we moved in, we had snow on the ground. The tree had no leaves on it, and not even any buds yet. The only thing on the tree was last year’s fruit, which looked old, dead, dried up, and just plain ugly. Last year’s crabapples served as evidence that the tree was alive last year, but when I looked at the tree, all I could see was the dead fruit. (I know that crabapples aren’t the loveliest of fruit, but bear with me here.)

It reminded me of how I saw my marriage five years ago: my marriage had functioned in the past, but when I looked at it, all I could see was the old, dead, dried up, ugliness of what our relationship had become. All I could see was evidence that our marriage once had been alive. Read More →


What steps do you take to get comfortable with a non-vanilla sexual activity?

As you can probably guess from the title, this post will be a bit spicier than many of my other posts. If you are just beginning your journey to restore the sexual intimacy in your marriage, you may want to pass on this one for now.

This post addresses situations where you truly feel you have a choice. If your husband is placing unloving pressure on you or is asking to you sin, this post is not for you. If your husband’s request makes you feel fear or anxiety, then you may have some other work to do first. You may find this post more helpful.


On your journey to improved sexual intimacy, you may get to a point where your husband asks you do something that is so far outside your comfort zone that you think it’s just a little kinky. Read More →

 When I love my husband, I nurture his heart in a way that only I can do.

What does it mean to love your husband?

Before I got married, I figured love would make everything easy. Read More →

Show your husband that you love him sexually.

For a lot of guys, romance equals sex.  For this Valentine’s Day, show your husband that you love him sexually and do something you know he will enjoy. Read More →


Are you ready to take the next step on your sexual agenda?

When we are new at trying to change our approach to sexual intimacy in our marriages, many of us work on fundamentals that have to do with our hearts and attitude.

We stop saying “no,” we fully participate in sex instead of mentally checking out or urging our husbands just get it over with, and we try to learn about God’s design for sex in marriage. Read More →

DIY Sex Swing!

In the summer, is there anything better than lying in a hammock? Maybe . . . having sex in a hammock? Read More →

10 Ways a Long Drive Is Like Working on Your Marriage

Yesterday I made a six-hour drive to the city where my daughter attends school. This afternoon, we will load her up in the car so I can take her home for the summer.

I live in one corner of Wisconsin, and in order to get to the state where my daughter is, I have to drive across my entire state.

Six hours gives a woman a lot of time to think. As often happens, my thoughts turned to marriage, and I realized that making a long drive on the interstate isn’t a whole lot different from working on improving your marriage. Read More →

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