As I add some pages to this site, I’d like to include a list of resources that have helped other women in transforming the sexual intimacy in their marriages.
What blogs, forums, books, Bible verses, prayers, and so on have made a difference in your marriage?
Let me know in a comment or via the contact form below.
Images courtesy of Stuart Miles, adamr, and graur razvan ionut via FreeDigitalPhotos.net
I've moved! While you can peruse the archives here, I am no longer posting at The Forgiven Wife.
Please join me at Honeycomb & Spice.
Ladies, if you're interested in joining me for a study of Juli Slattery's new book God, Sex, and Your Marriage, time is running out! Our study begins with introductions on February 26, 2023, but the study will be open to join until March 5.
Hey there! I’m so glad you asked!
It’s been a long 5 1/2 years of healing for me and my marriage. It all started when God smacked me on the back of the head and told me (over and over and over again) to go to Church (It’s a long story – for another day perhaps). A year and a half later, I began to question why God even wanted me in church – it didn’t make any sense to me. Then an opportunity arose – I went on a women’s retreat (as a baby Christian) with my church and I learned about the Proverbs 31 Woman! …this jump started it all for me!
Then…God lead me down the following path to healing and restoration:
Our Pastor did a mini-series about marriage. He covered four Biblical Marriages and delved in deep to unravel their success and/or failure. Throughout the mini-series, he mentioned several books for us to read and study and learn. One such book is:
Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires, The Respect He Desperately Needs by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. To this day, I have not been able to read the last half of the book (the portion directed towards men). I crumbled just reading the portion directed towards women. Distraught, ashamed, confused, lost, dumbfounded, and furious (with myself) – I put the book down and haven’t picked it up since. It’s only been in recent months (almost 5 years later) that I’ve begun to think about that book again and feel that I am ready to finally turn that page into understanding my husband a lot more… Wish me luck!
I wanted to know more…I yearned for more. God had placed a thirst in me that I could not begin to quench. When I asked my Pastor’s wife for more about being a Proverbs 31 Woman and how to begin to repair my marriage, she recommended the following Women’s Bible Study:
Lies Women Believe: And the Truth that Sets Them Free by Nancy Leigh DeMoss (This study completely ROCKED my world! You think you know something and then…BAM! I got smacked down by this study so hard – the only way to go was up.). It was towards the conclusion of this study that I stopped self pleasuring (sexually), began really learning about biblical submission, and taking the first steps of learning how to respect my husband even when I didn’t feel like it or thought he didn’t deserve it. Abba Father certainly had my undivided attention!
Next up is a Woman’s bible study by Beth Moore: Breaking Free. “Using Scripture to help identify spiritual strongholds in your life, no matter how big or small, Beth explains that anything that hinders us from the benefits of knowing God is bondage.” (cf: http://www.lifeway.com/n/Product-Family/Breaking-Free-%282009%29)
Another Women’s Retreat where we spent 2 days buried in the next study:
Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman’s Soul by John & Stasi Eldredge. “The message of Captivating is this: Your heart matters more than anything else in all creation. The desires you had as a little girl and the longings you still feel as a woman are telling you of the life God created you to live. He offers to come now as the Hero of your story, to rescue your heart and release you to live as a fully alive and feminine woman. A woman who is truly captivating.” (cf: http://www.amazon.com/Captivating-Revised-Updated-Unveiling-Mystery/dp/1400200385). This study covers our God-given roles as women and wives (or future wives). It really helped me to understand why my role as a submissive wife is very important and that He designed me to be a helpmate to my husband – and not a slave. It put into perspective what I had been struggling to understand about Biblical submission and respect.
Next, another bible study – A Woman’s Heart: God’s Dwelling Place by Beth Moore.
And then last spring, another study – Me, Myself, and Lies by Jennifer Rothschild.
I began to see a transformation in me, my marriage, and my husband over the course of the years. While I’m still earning his trust (respect, intimacy, and his heart), I continue to learn about being a submissive wife, understanding God’s designs for marriage and love and sex, and breaking free of the bondage of past hurts and hang-ups. In recent years, I discovered an online blog which then lead me to another and another and another…
Peacefulwife’s Blog: The Joy of God’s Design for Wives and Marriage (http://peacefulwife.com).
Girlfriends in God: A Christian Devotional and Conference Ministry for Women (http://www.girlfriendsingod.com).
The Better Mom: Inspiring Moms to build God-honoring homes (http://www.thebettermom.com)
For the Family: Everyday Wisdom for Everyday Families (http://forthefamily.org). For the Family seeks to provide biblical wisdom in the following areas: Christ-centered marriages, Parenting by grace through faith (and not just formula), Motherhood, Fatherhood, Relationships, and Hope for the hurting. You will quickly find out that the same woman who hosts The Better Mom is the Mom in the family that hosts For the Family. 🙂
And of course, The Forgiven Wife.
Scriptures…
Proverbs 31 (the whole chapter)
Proverbs 12:4, A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones. (NIV)
Colossians 3:18, You wives must submit to your husbands, as is fitting for those who belong to the Lord. (NLT)
1 Corinthians 7:1-16, Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a man not to marry. But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. I say this as a concession, not as a command. I wish that all men were as I am. But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that. Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion. To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife. To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife? (NIV)
Ephesians 5:22-33, Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. (NKJV)
It’s been an amazing journey – I pray some of these references will help another woman’s wounded heart.
Blessings!
Thanks for sharing so much of what helped you. I pray for blessings on your continuing journey.
Thank you!! …and you’re welcome!
Totally off topic … I like your new picture. 🙂
Thanks, Lori. I was starting to wonder if anyone would notice. 🙂