“Blow upon my garden, that the spices thereof may flow out.” Song of Solomon 4:16
Let me begin by stating the obvious: the sexual arousal of a woman carries a distinctive scent. It is normal and is a sign of a healthy sexual response as designed by God.
Many of us women are way too self-conscious. It’s bad enough that we carry body image issues around with us and into the bedroom. Some women even let their self-consciousness about their natural, God-designed smell deprive them of sexual pleasure by turning down their husbands’ offers of oral sex. Oral sex provides the direct clitoral stimulation that most women require to achieve orgasm—yet too many women let their self-consciousness get in the way.
Our Self-Consciousness
When I hit puberty and began to notice my scent, it took me a while to figure out what it was. I was embarrassed by the fact that I could smell myself at all, thinking that I hadn’t cleaned myself well in the shower. I was also uncomfortable with the evidence that I was a sexual being. I associated that scent with feelings of embarrassment. In high school, the few conversations with friends about “that smell down there” involved red faces, hushed tones, and a sense of confusion about this smell we couldn’t control.
In a recent Forgiven Wife survey on oral sex for her, the primary reason given for women preferring not to receive oral sex was their self-consciousness about their taste or smell. Women expressed both their own discomfort with the smell and their concern about their husbands being offended.
These two comments are representative of the many comments women wrote:
I always worry about how I smell or taste. My worst fear is that he’ll be grossed out but will be too polite to say anything. That would be worse than him telling me he’s grossed out.
I . . . don’t care to have my own taste and smell coming back to my own mouth in the form of kisses.
The fact is that when your husband is performing oral sex on you, he is getting a good taste of your sexual arousal—not to mention that when he has his face between your legs, he is getting a very up-close-and-personal look at a body part too many of us don’t find beautiful. If you think of your own genitals as unattractive, this can compound the self-consciousness about receiving oral sex.
Our genitals do produce a unique aroma when we are sexually aroused. The smell that we may not like is extremely erotic to many husbands, who associate our taste and smell with our arousal, deep intimacy, and great sexual pleasure.
The very scent that embarrasses us intoxicates our husbands. No matter what we think about that aroma, however, if your husband tells you he loves it, BELIEVE HIM!!!
What the Guys Say
Husbands who took the survey had a lot more to say about the taste and smell than wives did—and their comments were overwhelmingly positive.
There are some guys who don’t care for the taste a lot—but even then, the experience of providing such intense sexual pleasure for their wives overcomes that. Some husbands mentioned that they appreciate it when their wives shower, just to deal with residual bathroom hygiene or excessive groin sweat.
I was overwhelmed by the depth of passion I saw in the men’s comments about loving the taste of their wives.
- I love the smell and taste of my aroused wife! I love giving her pleasure!
- My only intoxicating beverage.
- The smell and taste just scream SEX.
- I think she smells and tastes just as God intended.
- God designed you to smell and taste that way. The things that make you a woman are the exact things that are attractive to your husband.
- I do want her to be clean, but I would actually prefer doing it a couple hours after she gets out of the shower so that any soap fragrance would be gone and it would be all her.
- The smell and taste are what I love the most. I’ve told her this repeatedly, but I feel she thinks I’m lying.
- I love, love, love the smell and taste – it is unique and bonding – later when I may smell her aroma on my hands, it brings great joy and memories.
- Her taste is ambrosia to me . . .
- My wife’s scent is beautiful and rouses me like nothing else on earth!
In addition to liking the taste and smell, many of our husbands like to give us oral sex because of the intensity of the experience for them (which is related to the intensity of the experience for us). Quite a few men commented on the deep intimacy they experience in giving their wives oral sex:
- It is the one thing that we do where she becomes completely open and vulnerable to me.
- The most arousing thing to me is her responding to me.
- I really feel like a man when I am allowed to do that.
- I can imagine no more intimate opening of her to me. She is completely vulnerable and I love the trust embodied in that. I also love the ability to bless her with unbridled ecstasy.
- It is so amazing for me to see her pleasure! I also imagine getting a feeling of sexual power and confidence from being able to pleasure her like that. For these reasons, I would rather give than receive oral sex.
- You let me into your very intimate place. You are my sexual universe.
- She never orgasms harder than through that and it makes me feel like a real man.
- It involves all 5 senses at once.
- Her intense pleasure is amazing to me.
Can we get over ourselves?
Do you turn down your husband’s offers of oral sex because of self-consciousness? For a long time, I did. I was embarrassed by my own scent. I didn’t like the look of my lady bits and didn’t understand that my husband might feel quite differently. I didn’t want to be the center of attention—and face it, when you’re receiving oral sex, it’s pretty much all about you.
If you’re self-conscious, then make sure you’re clean . . . but know that if your husband has said he loves it or wants to do it, he really and truly means it. He associates the taste, smell and sight of you with giving you pleasure and feeling very masculine.
“Blow upon my garden, that the spices thereof may flow out.” Song of Solomon 4:16
Our unique spicy aroma is a good thing, not something to feel self-conscious about. It is even celebrated in the Bible. We shouldn’t be letting our self-consciousness get in the way of celebrating it in our marriage beds, too.
Other Posts on Oral Sex for Her
The last post about oral sex for her should be posted some time next week and will give some tips for learning to get comfortable receiving oral sex. Even when we know in our heads that it’s acceptable and that our husbands love it, that doesn’t mean we can automatically lie back and enjoy ourselves.
Image adapted from morguefile.com
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Nice post, Chris. Added it to my “future” reading list for my DW.
You handled this beautifully! The vast majority of men GREATLY ENJOY how their wife smells and tastes. If he says he likes it, he does – just accept it!
Thanks, Paul.
I don’t know why I torture myself by reading these posts. You ladies don’t know how good you have it!! I am one of those white rhino rare women stuck in a marriage with a husband who refuses all oral sex (and that is the best way to bring me O, I know because he used to give it and receive).
Please pray he wakes up!!!
Reblogged this on My Journey Through Sex Addiction and commented:
Oh my goodness, another post that hits it right on the head. My Bride only rarely allows me to orally pleasure her. She says the thought grosses her out and doesn’t understand how I could actually want to do that. I want to do that.
The comments of the men are on point. The look, smell and taste ARE intoxicating. Seeing the way My Bride reacts is the single greatest thing I’ve ever seen. To know she is receiving so much pleasure, and that I’M the one bringing it, not a battery operated device, it’s better than sex itself.
I believe there are some obvious issues here. First, she is very self-conscious. She has a really bad self body image. My use of porn and society itself are to blame for that. Second is trust. To allow someone to provide oral sex, you are inviting them into your “Holiest of holies” and not trusting who you’re with keeps you at a distance. Finally she has a hard time letting go and allowing herself to become lost in the experience. That, of course, goes back to trust.
I long for the day she fully trusts me again. She used to allow me into her holy place. Early discovery of porn use killed that. I will cherish the day in allowed back in.
You use porn and complain that she doesnt trust you? Are you serious?!