“Why would I spend money on something I don’t even keep on for two minutes?”

For years, this was my response when my husband would ask me to wear lingerie . . . or when my friends and I would walk past the lingerie store at the mall . . . or even on the very rare occasions when I thought I might enjoy wearing something sexy.


Why Lingerie?

It never made sense—financial or in any other way—to spend money on something that would get worn for such a short time. For years, the only bedtime wear I bought was for sleeping comfort only. I had one sheer-ish and flowing nightgown that my husband bought me about ten years ago. That was the extent of my lingerie collection. And on those rare times when I wore it, my husband would take one look at me and want me to take it off so we could have sex.

Why do some men like lingerie so much, anyway? Let me state some stereotypes:

  • Men tend to be visual. Our husbands are wired to respond to seeing us naked and sexual. Despite the body image issues that many of us have, our husbands think we are beautiful.
  • Men like the tease. Lingerie both reveals and conceals our bodies at the same time. Our husbands already know what is hidden, and not being able to see all of it while seeing so much else can drive them a little wild.
  • Lingerie says that we want sex. When we have taken time to put something special on for them, our husbands know that we are anticipating having sex with them. It says to them that we want them and that we’ve been thinking about sex with them.

If you are a wife whose husband has experienced sexual gate-keeping and refusing from you, lingerie can be especially powerful.

  • It is a visible reminder that you are making an effort to change.
  • The knowledge that we have been anticipating sex, and planning for it, feeds his heart in a way that I don’t think we can fully appreciate. After years of feeling rejected by me sexually, when I wear lingerie, my husband knows in his bones that I am wanting him. When I wear lingerie, it helps heal the wounds in my husband’s manly self that I inflicted on him.

What Can You Do with Lingerie?

Even after I came to understand these things, it was hard for me to justify the expense of lingerie. You know—why would I spend money on something that I would wear for only two minutes?

Fortunately, even if your husband might want the lingerie off practically as soon as he sees you in it, there are some things you can do to get more than two minutes’ worth out of it.

How? You prolong the tease.

  1. Lay out several lingerie items on the bed in the morning and ask him to choose which one you’ll wear that night. He will be thinking about you in it throughout the day.
  2. Lay out several lingerie items on the bed, take a picture of each one, and send the pictures to him throughout the day. This is a major tease; he’ll be imagining you in each one at the same time as he wonders which one he’ll actually see you in. Send him a picture later on of the item you’ve chosen to wear. (Note: Some husbands may be too distracted by this to function well at work, so this isn’t a good idea for everyone.)
  3. If you have a secure photo sharing app (such as Couple or Avocado) and you and your husband are both comfortable with it, you can send selfies of you wearing the lingerie options instead of laying them out on the bed to photograph.
  4. If it’s an item that can be worn underneath clothing (like crotchless panties, a thong, or a teddy), you can wear it when you go out for dinner. Wait until your food arrives to tell your husband what you’re wearing. Or send him a picture you took earlier so he knows exactly what you have going on under your clothes.
  5. Remember that it doesn’t have to be actual lingerie to do the trick. Scarves can be strategically draped. You can wear one of your husband’s shirts with a thong—or nothing—underneath. Bright red lipstick and painted fingers and toes can add some oomph, especially if you don’t usually use these cosmetics. Going out with your husband without underwear or a bra can be exciting to your husband (as long as it won’t be obvious to anyone else and only you and your husband will know). You might be in a very modest skirt and blouse, but every time your husband looks at you, he will be thinking about what you’re wearing underneath—nothing!
  6. When the moment arrives and your husband finally sees you in the lingerie that he’s been thinking about all day or all evening, he may want you to take it off right away. So that’s what you should do—very, very, very slowly removing the lingerie while you tease him and turn your back to him so he can’t see everything at once.
  7. You might insist that the lingerie actually stay on during your sexual activity. As you move around, your husband will get glimpses of things, which teases even more.

Even if your husband actually sees you in your lingerie for only two minutes, you can make it work for you all day long.

Image courtesy of papaija2008 / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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15 Thoughts on “7 Ways to Make the Most of Your Lingerie

  1. Excellent ideas, thanks Chris! One of the reasons I like lingerie for myself is because its generally constructed of the nicest fabrics. I feel more feminine when I’m wearing it – I like that.

    • A man, well me anyway, feels the same way in a good-fitting, well-tailored suit with coordinating tie, shirt and leather dress shoes. You just feel more handsome and confident.

  2. Brilliant! I especially liked the idea of photographing the lingerie even if you are not wearing it, to tantalize.

  3. Thanks Chris – these are helpful reminders. It’s easy to get caught up in the day/week/month and forget about putting a little extra effort into sex, effort that benefits our husbands and us.

  4. I learned very early in my marriage that my husband is very turned on by my putting effort into how I present myself, whether it’s just going to the grocery store together or as a start of foreplay.

    Also, I’ve found that wearing lingerie AFTER sex is a good option rather than throwing on sweats to go to sleep afterwards.

  5. @Bethany: Rather than sweats … EXCELLENT idea!

  6. Fantastic!

  7. Speaking for myself, you pretty much nailed it with this post!

  8. GC at Calm.Healthy.Sexy. on June 14, 2014 at 3:41 pm said:

    Thanks Chris, for sharing this with Let’s Get Real. It is perfect.

  9. Steve on June 15, 2014 at 10:04 pm said:

    Excellent ideas and from a man’s perspective, and as long as guys have the ability to see, we love looking at the female body, and enjoy the idea of touching, kissing and the thought of making love to our wife. You really cannot beat lingerie to turn a guy on.

  10. I’ve noticed that it doesn’t necessarily have to be lingerie … wearing one of my hubby’s dress shirts around the house works great for us, because it completely covers up and obscures the areas that I’m most self-conscious about, while still being alluring and special for him.

  11. I’m a little late getting to the conversation; I just found your lovely blog and am catching up. And learning so much after 24 years of marriage. Thank you so much. 🙂

    Most traditional lingerie pieces look dowdy on me because of my vertical challenge. I have more fun going through the zillions of sheer and lace shirts/blouses/shells at GoodWill–you know, the ones you would never wear in public without something underneath! Or at all! I adopt them, wash them, and they become my sexiest pieces–not to mention, the length of lingerie on anyone else! I think the unexpected fact that they’re actual clothing, not made for such intimacy, is a real turn-on for my hubby. I recommend it for anyone who wants to build up a wardrobe of guilt-free (at $2-3 apiece), unique lingerie. 🙂 I’m trying to figure out how to share that little tip with my daughter when she’s ready to get married … “MAWWWWM!!!” 😉

  12. Wow! The author knows what she is talking about!

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