“Why would I spend money on something I don’t even keep on for two minutes?”
For years, this was my response when my husband would ask me to wear lingerie . . . or when my friends and I would walk past the lingerie store at the mall . . . or even on the very rare occasions when I thought I might enjoy wearing something sexy.
It never made sense—financial or in any other way—to spend money on something that would get worn for such a short time. For years, the only bedtime wear I bought was for sleeping comfort only. I had one sheer-ish and flowing nightgown that my husband bought me about ten years ago. That was the extent of my lingerie collection. And on those rare times when I wore it, my husband would take one look at me and want me to take it off so we could have sex.
Why do some men like lingerie so much, anyway? Let me state some stereotypes:
- Men tend to be visual. Our husbands are wired to respond to seeing us naked and sexual. Despite the body image issues that many of us have, our husbands think we are beautiful.
- Men like the tease. Lingerie both reveals and conceals our bodies at the same time. Our husbands already know what is hidden, and not being able to see all of it while seeing so much else can drive them a little wild.
- Lingerie says that we want sex. When we have taken time to put something special on for them, our husbands know that we are anticipating having sex with them. It says to them that we want them and that we’ve been thinking about sex with them.
If you are a wife whose husband has experienced sexual gate-keeping and refusing from you, lingerie can be especially powerful.
- It is a visible reminder that you are making an effort to change.
- The knowledge that we have been anticipating sex, and planning for it, feeds his heart in a way that I don’t think we can fully appreciate. After years of feeling rejected by me sexually, when I wear lingerie, my husband knows in his bones that I am wanting him. When I wear lingerie, it helps heal the wounds in my husband’s manly self that I inflicted on him.
What Can You Do with Lingerie?
Even after I came to understand these things, it was hard for me to justify the expense of lingerie. You know—why would I spend money on something that I would wear for only two minutes?
Fortunately, even if your husband might want the lingerie off practically as soon as he sees you in it, there are some things you can do to get more than two minutes’ worth out of it.
How? You prolong the tease.
- Lay out several lingerie items on the bed in the morning and ask him to choose which one you’ll wear that night. He will be thinking about you in it throughout the day.
- Lay out several lingerie items on the bed, take a picture of each one, and send the pictures to him throughout the day. This is a major tease; he’ll be imagining you in each one at the same time as he wonders which one he’ll actually see you in. Send him a picture later on of the item you’ve chosen to wear. (Note: Some husbands may be too distracted by this to function well at work, so this isn’t a good idea for everyone.)
- If you have a secure photo sharing app (such as Couple or Avocado) and you and your husband are both comfortable with it, you can send selfies of you wearing the lingerie options instead of laying them out on the bed to photograph.
- If it’s an item that can be worn underneath clothing (like crotchless panties, a thong, or a teddy), you can wear it when you go out for dinner. Wait until your food arrives to tell your husband what you’re wearing. Or send him a picture you took earlier so he knows exactly what you have going on under your clothes.
- Remember that it doesn’t have to be actual lingerie to do the trick. Scarves can be strategically draped. You can wear one of your husband’s shirts with a thong—or nothing—underneath. Bright red lipstick and painted fingers and toes can add some oomph, especially if you don’t usually use these cosmetics. Going out with your husband without underwear or a bra can be exciting to your husband (as long as it won’t be obvious to anyone else and only you and your husband will know). You might be in a very modest skirt and blouse, but every time your husband looks at you, he will be thinking about what you’re wearing underneath—nothing!
- When the moment arrives and your husband finally sees you in the lingerie that he’s been thinking about all day or all evening, he may want you to take it off right away. So that’s what you should do—very, very, very slowly removing the lingerie while you tease him and turn your back to him so he can’t see everything at once.
- You might insist that the lingerie actually stay on during your sexual activity. As you move around, your husband will get glimpses of things, which teases even more.
Even if your husband actually sees you in your lingerie for only two minutes, you can make it work for you all day long.
Image courtesy of papaija2008 / FreeDigitalPhotos.net