It’s the last week in October. That means it’s time for the last CMBA_challenge_14installment of the Words of Wisdom blog challenge from the Christian Marriage Bloggers Association.

This last week asks us to write a post about words of wisdom and encouragement from books and blogs.

 ~ ~ ~

After I came to the realization that my husband was suffering as a result of my approach to sexual intimacy, I began to work on my words and actions related to sex.

The real change, though, wasn’t in anything my husband could see.

It was in my heart—and I can tell you exactly what blog post began this change for me.

The blog that started my heart change

During the days following my realization of how I’d hurt my husband, I began looking online for women who seemed kind and who might be able to understand what I was going through. I found some blogs and articles written by women, but they all sounded like women who’d had sex figured out for years. I was pretty sure they wouldn’t write anything I was interested in reading. (Some of those blogs are on my regular reading list now, though.)

Then I found The Generous Wife, written by Lori Byerly. The first post I read was Hubby Care. It was very short and reminded wives to encourage their husbands to care for themselves.

Reading that post, I realized that I had never—throughout our entire marriage—thought about encouraging my husband.

It was a scales-falling-from-my-eyes moment. My world turned upside down. Although I had often thought about what it meant to have a husband, it had never occurred to me to consider what it meant for me to be my husband’s wife.

After years of feeling like my husband and I were on opposite teams, this post was a stark reminder that I was supposed to be on my husband’s team. I felt ashamed that my husband had gone so many years stuck with me as his wife.

I began reading Lori’s posts—not every day, but many days. Over time, her short and gentle (read: non-threatening) posts painted a picture for me of what it could mean to be a wife.

She would write things that challenged me, but she never made it sound like it would be hard. In fact, she made it sound joyful. Instead of resisting her suggestions, I always found myself thinking, “Hey, I could actually do that!”

The Generous Wife made me want to grow in my heart, not just in our sex life.

I frequently have husbands ask me for recommendations about which of my posts they should send to their wives to encourage them to work on sexual intimacy. I always send them a link to Lori’s blog, not mine.

Her gentle, non-threatening, joyful approach to writing about marriage is powerful enough to change a woman’s heart. I am living proof of this.

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Not quite two weeks after I began my blog, I woke up one morning to see that I was getting a lot of traffic. Lori had seen my blog and shared a link in this post.

I don’t have the words to express what it meant to me to see that the woman whose words had encouraged me  thought  I had written something that could encourage others. She has shared other posts of mine since then, and each time I feel just as wonderful as I did the first time.

Thank you, Lori, from the bottom of my heart, for helping my heart become what it is.

Other posts in the CMBA Challenge

Louder Than Words
Psalms for My Marriage
The Wisdom of Friends

Image courtesy of noppasinw at

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6 Thoughts on “A Change of Heart

  1. A lovely tribute to, Lori, a very wise woman and gentle woman. She has mentored you well!

  2. Jeannette on October 30, 2014 at 7:58 am said:

    Chris that was beautiful. I smiled as I read it because I thought, “When I grow to the place in this area where I will share with other women about how God turned a gatekeeping refuser into a joyful, welcoming accepter (see that faith-filled statement there!), you and this blog will represent the turning point in my generosity towards my husband.” Your writing about her felt like how I already feel about you!

    We may never know on this side of eternity, those lives we have impacted, but what a blessing to your Titus2 woman to be able to acknowledge her here. I’m glad you send women to the generous wife site, but I’m telling you right now that it was your writing that was my breaking point and I’ll be sending ’em to yours!

    Thank you for your encouragement and honesty.

    • You are so sweet. 🙂 (And yes, that is a wonderful faith-filled statement!)

      When we share our stories and use our learning to encourage others, the ripple effect of change can be tremendous. I am in awe of the way God uses us to do His work in each other.

      God bless you and your marriage.

  3. Lori Byerly on October 30, 2014 at 1:20 pm said:

    Ah, man. I’m having a happy cry over this. Chris, it means so much to me to know that my words have encouraged you.

    And, yes, Jeanette, ripple effect rocks. 🙂

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