At the end of last week, Paul at The Generous Husband challenged marriage bloggers to look for ways to celebrate the male sex drive.

I admit–this is a difficult week for me to do that. My husband’s sex drive has slowed down due to his current medical issues, resulting in me being the one simmering with unfulfilled sexual tension and a feeling of disconnection from him.

I read Paul’s post on Saturday and found myself heavy-hearted. Yeah, right, celebrate the male sex drive. If only I could. At the moment, I feel like mourning the male sex drive. But mourning is kind of like celebrating something, though, right?

For most of our marriage, I would wake up in the morning to feel my husband’s erect penis pressed against my backside. It was part of waking up, part of our daily existence as a married couple. More often than not, it would not lead to sex. Even so, it was an ever-present daily reminder of my husband’s sex drive, part of the foundation our family was built on.

Even at the depths of my refusal during our darkest times, my sleep-fogged brain found comfort in the feeling of morning wood as my husband slumbered, wrapped around me. During my waking hours, I was full of distrust, busy-ness, righteous indigation, selifishness, and every other obstacle my mind constructed between my husband and me. But before I was fully awake, my body knew the rightness of my husband’s body reaching toward mine. And sometimes, before I let my waking mind take over, my hand would reach back to say, “Be with me. Connect with me. Let our bodies do what God designed them to do.” Whether slow on the mornings we could linger or rushing to beat the snooze alarm, these morning interludes–when our bodies rejoined in a one-flesh ecstacy–always left me with a sense of rightness and completion as I started my day.

With our minds, sins, and issues set aside by sleep, our bodies simply did what God made them to do–call and respond, connect, and love. Even at our sexual nadir, my husband’s sex drive as manifested in his morning wood gave me what I needed–even when I didn’t think I wanted it.

As we aged, our marriage floundered, and the medical problems settled in, the morning erections stopped. I don’t know when it happened. I just know that one morning I woke up to find my husband wrapped around me with no erection between us. I remember thinking that I couldn’t even remember the last time it had been there. At that time before I began to make sexual changes, I expected my mind to celebrate the proof of a slow-down in my husband’s sex drive. I was shocked to feel my body and soul mourn the passing of morning wood. Tears rolled down my face.

By the end of this summer, my husband’s medical issues should be under control. I pray for a return of his sex drive. Paul said in his post, “The male sex drive is God’s creation, and we need to learn how to use it as God intended.” I look forward to doing just that, with great pleasure.

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10 Thoughts on “Mourning Wood

  1. Oh what a sweet and honest post. Here’s to a future fire that burns brighter than all those in the past and to fire wood you don’t have to mourn 🙂 Strange how we can go from no drive spouses to one day grieving the loss on our husband’s part. I know it’s part of the ebb and flow that makes a marriage alive.

  2. LearningToLoveAgain on May 23, 2013 at 6:33 pm said:

    I know for me with my medical issues (hbp, type 2 diabetes) I dont wake up ready as often as i used too. But this year I adopted a routine of fasting on a regular basis for at least 3 days. In addition to the spiritual benefits, I have lost some weight. The other benefit has been the return of the morning wood and increased sensation during the day. Which right now is making my wife crazy, but it is a reminder to serve her in love, even when she frustrates me. But we are working on resolution of issues that have plagued our marriage for years, and as we get closer to God, we get closer together. I’m going to remain anon to not embarrass my wife.

    • My husband’s greatest issue is high blood pressure related to a growth on a gland. He will probably have surgery at some point, and then we should see a change. His T-replacement therapy has made a difference in some ways as well. I’m glad you’ve found something that is helping you. I pray for blessings for continued growth in your marriage.

  3. Its great to see such an understanding wife.
    Love and respect
    Undersexed Sadeestico

  4. deelmoDan on May 27, 2013 at 10:19 pm said:

    “morning wood” Is not an erection is the truest sense of the word. It is caused by blood volume expansion and a full bladder. It really does not indicate sex drive. Talk to a urologist, he’ll tell you.

    • Women need to feel desired just like men do. This is kind of a buzz kill. Like saying “Hey it’s not you he wants, it’s just an involuntary thing”. A doctor will also confirm that morning is when his testosterone is highest.

  5. True. Accompanied by a drop in libido, low T, and a host of related issues, it can be difficult to remember that when I’m in a sleep fog.

  6. Joaquin on May 30, 2013 at 6:53 pm said:

    “Morning wood not an erection int he truest sense” Let me say it feels exactly like one, I am 49 and sometimes I can barely wait for my wife to wake up.

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